CheekyCapybara Overall not bad, not perfect, could enhance the story more, could clean up story a bit and maybe some other stuff, not sure what, but hope you do a good job there. I just hope it devlops well and the LI's romance too. Other thoughts below in spoiler just in case not to spoil anything, but won't really talk about anything story related, just other thoughts on other things. Also one continuty error in there at end.
Not sure if I missed anything, just a lot of rambling and stuff on the top of my head. Hopefully you take some of my thoughts to heart on some things. But yeah hope the story devlops well along with the relationships, and I will definitely keep a eye out. Keep up the good work.