The gameplay loop itself is fun to explore and genuine congratulations are deserved for developing such a novel game. At the time of writing this, I have played through that whole game once and am working on my second playthrough on the current update. However, I am commenting because I think another writing pass should be a high priority. There are frequent grammar and punctuation errors and frankly the dialogue in general feels like a placeholder.
Let's take a look at an interaction with Rose.
The both of you enter your room, she checks and makes sure nobody sees you entering together before doing so.
She sits on the border of your bed, you promised you'd behave, so you stay a bit afar in front of her.
Multiple inproper uses of commas, non-chronological sentence structure, and some odd or misused words. Let's fix it.
Alternative said:
Rose checks the hall to make sure nobody is watching before following you into your room. She takes her place at the edge of the bed as you shut the door, and then you take yours before her. You take care not to stand too close; you promised her you'd behave, after all.
Take note that this rewrite is still pretty dry. That's not a bad thing necessarily; even with erotica you need to get from point A to point B and some prose without any fuss can service that. But some adverbs or extra descriptions could help spice it up. Maybe Rose is clearly nervous and inexperienced with sneaking into dorm rooms. Maybe she isn't nervous at all and the PC notes that she seems suspiciously nonchalant about the affair! Maybe she gets startled when the PC shuts the door a little too hard. Maybe he fumbles with his keys trying to get it open, leaving them standing exposed in the hall. You don't need to be wordy to inject some emotions that define a scene.
Rose:
I think it's time that you choose your own motivation, you've done hard work and I want to be as helpful as I can
Improper use of a comma. Let's add a bit of character flavor in this rewrite. She started this process of getting the PC to eat healthy out of an almost maternal concern that later turned into sexual interest as the PC worked on improving himself. I assume her attraction is at least partially based on the PC's stamina/strength.
Alternative said:
Rose:
You know, <PC_Name>, I'm proud of you for how much better you've been taking care of yourself. I always thought you were handsome, but you've become a real charmer. I thought... maybe you'd like to choose your reward? Something I could do to motivate you even more?
Note that this is still a pretty long block of dialogue with no visual description. The visual style of the game makes it a little obtuse to have lots of descriptive text breaking up dialogue, but some text (or even better, an image) describing Rose's nervousness, her ill-disguised arousal, or the subtle shift in her tone as she dares the PC to break out of his shell and ask for more would all go a long way to characterize both this scene and Rose as a Love Interest.
PC:
Please show me your ass
This one is an amusing example of what I mean by the dialogue feeling like a placeholder. Real "show bob and vegene" energy. Even a very blunt "Could I see your ass?" would be preferable.
Another issue is a frequent lack of dialogue altogether. The scene with Rose cuts out pretty abruptly, but an even worse offender is the first kiss with Susan. The kiss is briefly described, but there's no dialogue before or after the kiss. The scene immediately ends with no emotional exploration. I barely have an impression of who Susan is; the passage briefly mentions that she's kissing the PC because she's frustrated he won't make the first move (great!) but there's zero description of how she feels after the kiss (not great!). Is she naive enough to think she has a boyfriend now? Is she still clearly frustrated she had to make that move? Is she mortified at what she did because she's scared her feelings are unrequited? Who knows?
I remember from when I first played through the game that certain characters like the popular girl, Jane, and the nurse had better written scenes. I'm guessing part of the problem is just that the earlier content didn't have as much polish or practice, though I do remember skimming scenes and mostly gathering what was going on through the videos past a certain point.
I'll reiterate something I've shared with other devs before to cap this off. There are millions of hours of videos of dudes banging hot chicks on the internet. If I just wanted to watch some curated porn, there are lots of places to find it, but at the end of the day most porn is interchangable slop. The thing that will elevate your characters and story to something genuinely titillating is a real emotional backbone. You already have the groundwork for the easiest way to pull it off: you have easily identifiable characters and a lot of them have "good" and "bad" paths. Most erotic thrill comes from either doing something "right" or doing something "wrong." More precisely, it stems from positive emotional connections AKA love, or else breaking taboos. Sharing your virginity with Susan and exploring a shy girl's blossoming sexuality together is doing something "right." Her scenes should be wholesome and lovely to read. Alternatively, seducing Ms. Pearl is doing something "wrong." Her scenes should be suspenseful and shocking to read. Stirring these emotions and immersing the reader into these imaginary relations will be far more effective at generating actual sexual excitement than any video clip ever will.