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Hello everyone. With the new year approaching I hope you are all healthy, happy, and looking forward to a fresh opportunity for change and growth.
My family will be leaving town by Tuesday, so things will quiet down again for me at home. However, January is always a very busy month for me at work so one hurdle to finishing Episode Four is replaced by a bigger one.
When I first started working on this game the pandemic was going on and work was not as demanding for me (that meant something like 40 hour weeks instead of 50-60 plus hour weeks). I thought I would push hard and finish the game in two years. Well, I have pushed hard and work has gotten back to normal and it's now been three years and I still have quite a long ways to go.
After my first year of college, my brother and I hiked Mount Whitney in California, which is the highest peak in the continental U.S. Although I was an athlete in high school, I didn't do much physical activity during my first year of college, so I was pretty out of shape for that hike. Although I don't recall the distance from where we camped, it took us five to six hours to reach the summit. It is a pretty steep ascent and we walked very fast, which was challenging for me given all circumstances. Honestly, it's the hardest physical thing I can remember doing.
Just short of the summit, there's a difficult rock patch you've got to scramble up if you want to reach the top. It's the worst part of the hike because by then you're exhausted and it's tough work getting up the rocks. I considered just not doing it. Although I did eventually push myself up the summit, a friend I knew had done the entire hike and then refused to climb those last rocks because he was just too tired.
I feel a bit like I'm looking up at those rocks again, only this time the path up the rocks keeps getting longer the further I climb. This year, as summer turned to fall I worked very, very hard in September and October because I was desperate to finish Episode Four by Thanksgiving so I could have a breather over the holidays. I failed. So then I was desperate to finish it by the New Year so that I wouldn't get jammed up with what I knew would be a bad work schedule in January. Again I failed.
And still, I can't believe that no matter how much work I do on this episode, and every time I think I see the end, these scenes just get longer and longer once I'm actually making them.
This post is probably too honest, and I hope you don't take it the wrong way. I'm not thinking about stopping work on Leaving DNA. There's never been any risk of my not finishing it. But there is a real temptation to stop pushing so hard. To spend the night watching television or reading instead of sitting in front of Daz and Ren'py. To say to myself, 'You'll finish it later.' To not re-render a scene with shitty lighting, or a scene that works fine but isn't as good as I think I could make it.
But fuck temptation. What did Jesus say? 'Get me behind me, Satan.' That's right, Satan, get the fuck behind me. Me, Jesus, and my awesome supporters are going to finish this fucking game together. Because when those temptations pop up, I remember that you guys are counting on me to produce a game that is fucking amazing and I sit down and get back to work. So that's what's going to happen. I'm going to keep pushing hard and I'm going to finish this episode and it's going to be fucking amazing. And only when Episode Four is finished will I take a breather.
And then I will get to work on Episode Five.
Thank you for your support and your patience.
--Monk
