This isn't a spoiler; it's my analysis of Act 3, found this and there on the web, which will be called "Learning to Let Go."
Learning to "Let Go"
Managing change toward accepting the situation necessarily includes learning to let go. You're probably familiar with the popular expression "letting go." This expression refers to a form of relinquishing control that we can exercise in different areas of our lives. This concept can be explained and applied in different ways. It's therefore important to understand and explore the avenues that can help us... let go!
What is letting go?
To fully understand the concept, you need to understand that the opposite of letting go is taking control. However, when your loved one is dealing with a mental health issue, the first instinct you develop is to help them, or even to forget about yourself. This may be intentional on your part, but it may also be related to social pressures, your culture, or your morality. From your perspective, your attitude is certainly compatible with a responsible stance since, due to the symptoms that are overwhelming your loved one, you are "helping" them manage and organize their life. This situation is, although demanding, comforting to the extent that you are in control. In this sense, "I must..." and "I must do..." are expressions that may be found in your everyday vocabulary. When it comes to events that affect your loved one, it's important to distinguish between what you can control, what you can influence, and what you can neither control nor influence. This first step is helpful in helping you let go and thus avoid exhausting yourself. Furthermore, thinking continuously, or even obsessively, about a problem is most often ineffective and certainly doesn't solve it. However, if you let go, you'll see solutions emerge that you may not have previously imagined.
What are some ways to let go?
Here are some ideas to help you begin your reflection, which can be done with the help of a trusted person. To help you understand the suggestions presented, think about all the times you've repeated the same interventions with your loved one that didn't produce the desired results, leaving you with the same disappointment each time. Become aware of your emotions about what's happening to you. Recognize the ineffectiveness of controlling what you can't change or influence. Become aware of the loss of energy and well-being that your persistence represents. Agree to let go of the idea of what you held dear. Agree to forgive yourself. Letting go means you may have to change by accepting your limitations and maintaining your values. This is a concept where you must agree to give up some control over others, not to give up your goals and objectives. Never forget that letting go is compatible with action, but it will sometimes require a different and more appropriate response. To illustrate the concept, imagine a fly trapped in your house. Seeing the light from the window, it rushes toward freedom, but hits itself on the glass. Although it will repeat this strategy for hours, even if it is completely ineffective, it will eventually become exhausted and die. So don't be like this fly; open the door to different actions that will allow you to free yourself from the control you are under.
Is it possible to take care of myself?
Like most caregivers, you face several challenges and responsibilities that cause you to forget to take care of yourself. Your desire to see your loved one's condition improve means that your generosity can backfire. As you probably know, self-neglect and involvement with your loved one have their limits and, more importantly, their consequences. So, allow yourself to consider your suffering and, even if it's difficult to apply, give yourself the right to take care of yourself. It may be time for you to recognize and set your limits by saying STOP! Caregivers supporting their loved ones can easily create scenarios by imagining the worst. The "What ifs" can lead to anxiety and a high level of worry. However, there are ways to take care of yourself by setting your limits and calming your anxiety. To achieve this, you will likely need help. Tell yourself that it's normal.
Some tips to help you feel better
Clearly identify your needs and rank them in order of importance to you. State your expectations clearly, making sure your loved one understands. Listen to your loved one's reactions and then make your opinion heard. To lighten the mood, add a little humor to your conversations. Take a step back from events; there are no miracle solutions. Take care to balance your time; don't neglect the activities that bring you pleasure; you need them more than ever. Don't take on responsibilities that aren't yours: you're depriving your loved one of the opportunity to acquire new skills. Don't underestimate your loved one's abilities. Learn to live with life's ups and downs. How can you find the key to well-being? This is a difficult question because there is no manual. Like most people, you probably wish your days were longer so you could get even more done and solve even more problems. Faced with this constant rush, you need to remember that you need time for rest, for peace, for yourself, to rediscover the deeper meaning of your life. Set aside time just for yourself and engage in enjoyable activities without your loved one present. Remember that the best way to help them is to maintain your balance.
How can you learn to live with the situation?
Learning to live with your loved one's mental health disorder requires a significant process of adaptation and overcoming. Some will describe it as a process of grieving, others as acceptance and detachment, and still others as resilience. In fact, regardless of the terms used to describe the process, it's important to find ways to cope with the situation as calmly as possible. As with any problem, there are steps to take before you find your comfort zone.
Dreams That Collapse
Generally, mental health disorders appear in early adulthood. This means that you had probably made life plans for your loved one, regardless of your bond with them. From now on, many things will no longer be experienced in the same way. Your feelings of discomfort are probably related to your high level of apprehension, your helplessness regarding your loved one's pain, your pain at seeing them lose their zest for life, your grief related to the dreams and pride you had for them, and the instability that is setting in in your life. Know that these are completely normal reactions. In this painful situation, you must take care of yourself. Above all, you must not blame yourself; rather, you must allow yourself the right to be angry and sad. (See texts on anger, guilt, resilience, and detachment).
Recovering
Emotionally, you'll experience a state of shock where all sorts of questions will arise. Why me? Why him? Why...? You must therefore find answers to your questions. At this stage, you may not be able to believe what's happening, and you may cling to the idea that everything will be okay, that everything will return to the way it was before... You must therefore recognize your reality not as an enemy, but as an ally to be tamed. Be kind to yourself, because in addition to being bruised by your pain, you're probably heaping unfounded reproaches on yourself and feeling like you're tackling an immense challenge. Your suffering cannot be measured or compared. Therefore, you must avoid measuring your progress against that of others; it's better to surround yourself with people who will welcome you without judging you. You need to reassure yourself, because with help, you will learn to navigate this uncompromising reality, you will discover unsuspected strengths, and you will identify ways to regain balance in line with realistic expectations. "To dare or not to dare to ask for help? I encourage you to overcome your ambivalence and undertake a process that will allow you to restore meaning to your daily life."
KEY TAKEAWAYS
To better cope with someone else's mental illness, you need to take a step back from the situation and take care of yourself in the small things of daily life. Take care of yourself, because you won't be able to help if your physical and mental health is in poor condition.
Very long analysis but interesting, right?
