- Aug 7, 2016
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Gotta say, I'm impressed with the dev (@Hendrx ?) for giving this another shot. He's got a lot of talent when it comes to 3D modeling, and the story (such as it is) can be followed, though there are a lot of questions and some confusion.
First, I'd like to point out that the MC does not seem to be experiencing a "lucid dream", at least according to this definition from wikipedia: "A lucid dream is a
It seems more like it's being forced on him, completely out of his control, and he doesn't seem to know (or even speculate) that it's a dream until he wakes up. Your vision for the MC seems to be to make him confused and submissive during the dream, and the women in the dream to be very aggressive and dominate. This could work, if the MC has secret fantasies (and this is stated in the story somewhere) about being a sub to the women in his life, but his interactions so far seem to indicate that he's a fairly normal, horny teenage boy.
Some suggestions:
Looking forward to more!
First, I'd like to point out that the MC does not seem to be experiencing a "lucid dream", at least according to this definition from wikipedia: "A lucid dream is a
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during which the dreamer is aware of dreaming. During lucid dreaming, the dreamer may be able to exert some degree of control over the dream characters, narrative, and environment." It seems more like it's being forced on him, completely out of his control, and he doesn't seem to know (or even speculate) that it's a dream until he wakes up. Your vision for the MC seems to be to make him confused and submissive during the dream, and the women in the dream to be very aggressive and dominate. This could work, if the MC has secret fantasies (and this is stated in the story somewhere) about being a sub to the women in his life, but his interactions so far seem to indicate that he's a fairly normal, horny teenage boy.
Some suggestions:
- Build some suspense in the initial scene; it's OK to start with the MC doing homework the night before all this starts, and falling asleep after being introduced to the Mom and Sister characters in some way
- In the actual dream, maybe add a slow fade-in transition (or several to simulate blinking), and expand on what you've already written to be more immersive
- For example, instead of "why am i naked ? in mom's room", it could be something like "what the.. I'm naked? I always wear boxers to bed... ", then "wait... this isn't even my room! My eyes are still fuzzy for some reason, but Mom's room is the one one with skylights. What am I doing laying here, and unable to move??"
- Have the sister walk in the MC if he takes a shower, then have that impact the conversation (or maybe her whole attitude toward the MC) when she's talking to her friend
- Flesh out the scene with the teacher; it would make much sense if there were other students, and the MC has to listen to some boring lesson stuff before starting the dream part
- It would be very effective to have the other students be completely unconcerned about the teacher's behavior while she's doing her thing, then have everyone staring at him when he snaps out of it
- I do like how you blur the background during the dreams, then snap everything back into focus when it's over; it's a very subtle but effective technique (though I think there should be a blink, like a quick black screen, between the dream and reality)
- She could also comment on whether or not his eyes were open, to add to the mystery of whatever is happening to him
- You could spread out the sneaking into bedrooms over several days, and add more fear and self doubt into his thoughts; this kid is sneaking into rooms for the first time!
- It's fine to have consequences or even game overs when doing the sleep groping, as long as there are more choices on when the MC can do
- It's very confusing to the reader for him to be so bold in reality when he's such a whiny pansy in his dreams; he's doing the very things of his own free will that he was screaming at the women in his dream to STOP doing
- Maybe introduce the idea of dream suggestion (not sure if that's real or not), where the MC does some research instead of playing games and learns that a person can have his dreams controlled by someone whispering suggestions when they are asleep, and experience whatever the speaker wants them to
- The effect can be enhanced by alcohol, which is why he can get much further with his sister than he otherwise would
- The MC could be invited to the party, learn who the sister has a crush on, then invent a scenario where in her dream she's doing him, but in reality it's the brother doing her in her bed
- the choices available during the sister scene could be impacted by other choices in the story, such as whether or not he went to the party, and if he paid attention to the sister or not; finding the right path through the story to get the best scene feels very rewarding to the reader!
- For the Mom, she might be an expert at this already, and the MC might realize this and try to get revenge by doing it back to her, but she's awake and just playing along because she wants him, and then gets even more freaky with him after he goes to bed
- I'm sure you have your own vision for what's going on; I just thought this whole concept was cool and want to write it down as a story suggestion; use or discard it as you wish
- Lastly, as you probably know, you're eventually going to have issues with Patreon because of the incest content; many developers have gotten around this stupidity by allowing the players to define the relationships however they want by typing it in (see the game "Summer with Mia" for an example of this). I know it's annoying for you and us, but better in the long run (at least in my opinion) than having to create special patches to restore the original content every time you add more content
Looking forward to more!
- May 18, 2017
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Thank you for your kind word. is it okay if I take some of these concepts to my script ?
- May 18, 2017
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- Dec 5, 2017
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- Nov 16, 2017
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This game starts off with the developer complaining about bad comments on his/her previous work... Then dictates to the audience that he/she is aware of the bad grammar and doesn't want any complaining about it... Really... The rest of the game left me with more questions then answers... It moves so rapidly and is so confusing... The writing style is odd, and mixed with the attempts at gangster speak and profanity, as well as confusing story telling, I had a real hard time understanding really what was truly happening or what the plot really was... There are so many plot holes and confusing situations... I never played the original game, so I don't know how bad or good it was... But thus far I'm not all that impressed with this game at the moment, as it needs a lot of rework before it's more understandable and makes more sense... Best of luck on it's development... I went ahead and posted my review...
- Nov 16, 2017
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Feedback about your product is not a direct attack on the creator, but on the creation itself... I've not seen any direct attacks on you personally at all, yet... If you plan to thrive as an Author/Creator/Developer of products made available to the public, you'll need to learn how to deal with both bad and good feedback/comments regarding products you work on... Take out of what is said, things that you feel you can use to better your process and future works, and keep going forward... Complaining about bad comments/feedback just adds fuel to the fire, and doesn't bode well for the future... You get out of the work what you put into it... The more time, effort, creative juices, work ethic, etc. that you put into a given product, the more you'll learn and grow and get better at what your passionate about... If you're not passionate about it, then go do something you are passionate about... Because passion shows if you have the talent...
- May 5, 2017
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- Oct 10, 2017
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I'm not a fan of wimpy mc at all but i'd like to point out if within his dreams he is wimpy thats fine, it can work. Because it can be both projections of his fears and a nightmare too, depsite having lewd elements. In a dream both desires and fears can manifest the same time. He could find such dreams scary, unnerving despite imagining sexy girls. It can be explained even within the game by fear of not being able to achieve it.
As a matter of fact though, he isn't wimply in his dream actually
He panics because he can't move. Thats very different than being wimpy, its sheer terror. And btw, about the dream. Just pay close attention to the ending of current content it explains everything about the dream! Would be huuuuge fucking' spoiler if i'd tell it here Actually i have to argue this. I find the plot pretty clear and straightforward. Its confusing only at the very beginning and its intentional. If you pay attention and make the right choice we already got an answer for the whole situation though not directly explained but very easy to figure it out
Yes, a tad bit too much shitting and swearing around, sister is your tipical "i hate my brother with passion, its my life's hobby" girl but nothing new there. Personally i dislike openly hateful oldersister approaches but i do realize that kinda serves as a contrast so the player can enjoy turning her around all the more.
But thats just you
Where i live, noobdy is crawling to a doctor over mental issues. And the mc even comments on it in a funny way @Hendrx When we woke up in the morning, there is no background outside the window, only the gate. At night when we go to sleep, there is. Beside that, i love where this goes and i think you are doing a fine job here! Perhaps a slower approach would be nice but straight into the action for starters isn't that bad. You can always slow things down later too. If you wanna make a short but sweet game, just stick to this pace, let us bang mom and sis and we can call this finished. If you wanna do a longer one.. you have to take a nice, easy and cautious approach with decent time for the mc to explore things. For now the game is set up and able to go either way. My personal preference is the slower, sweeter corrupting road but thats just me
- Nov 16, 2017
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Some examples of the confusion I'm talking about...Actually i have to argue this. I find the plot pretty clear and straightforward. Its confusing only at the very beginning and its intentional. If you pay attention and make the right choice we already got an answer for the whole situation though not directly explained but very easy to figure it out
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And those are just some of the scenes... It's all these little things that just keep piling up... There is also some confusion in how the text tells the story, which reads weird sometimes, and mixed with how rapidly the story progresses, it creates even more confusion... You can't just fill in the blanks yourself as the reader, as it's the job of the story teller to explain things through the story telling...
I never played the original, so I don't know if folks will just get more out of this version because they understand the premise of the original... But I really feel the text in this game needs a lot of work, and there are so many holes in the story and plot, that either make no sense or don't clearly define what is really going on... I'm not saying it isn't fixable...
- Oct 10, 2017
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Haha, dear Zippity, i must say you are just not seeing the forest for the trees
I could explain it to you but that would be a huuge spoiler and doesn't even want to put into a spoiler tag Really. You are missing the obvious here penedeyewink:I don't see it that way. Its more like a change of pace, a little diversion. Because it can't be all over the progression with the girls. In my eyes it servers its purpose alright, we get a tiny bit of glimpse on the personality of the mc. There is nothing wrong with the storytelling here, these moments are the ..hm.. slice-of-life moments. Instead of the annoying shower-scenes. I'd go with this one 10/10 instead of doing the shower/morning-coffee routine. And just to repeat myself, we learn a bit about the mc's personality through this, its not just a placeholder. You might not be interested but i for example am.
When you figure out the answer to the first paragraph, this will become clear all of a sudden as well. All shall be revealed i should say!
Everything makes perfect sense, we could simply argue over the execution as it might be a tad bit too much that other kids weren't around. I can see an explanation for that but THAT part i feel was a bit too much. But overall the scene makes perfect sense when you figure out whats going on You know why this is confusing? Because this game, this dev, chooses that kind of realistic approach we aren't used to. In all the other games we are used to being explained what is going on, more or less. We are being told the reason at least. Not here. He isn't holding our hand and through the mc we only know what a boy in his place would. Nothing. At least nothing is explained to us. We have to figure it out by ourselves, put the pieces together and all these scenes makes sense, absolutely. Its just the kid isn't aware of it yet, but we the player can come to realize, all the clues are there already to get the big picture True. But i'd call this a minor inconsistency because her phone could be loud enough as well so the mc could hear. And even if it isn't, the plot partially -at least could- explains why the mc hears it and more importantly why he isn't aware that this shouldn't be normal. But on the other hand, yes, this can be an oversight. But don't blow this out of proportion. Its a minor thing. A thing still, but a minor one.
Because he has doubts. And since we play through him, we are allowed to see his thoughts. And of course he makes a dicision, he can't just sit there and ponder
Yes, i of course see whats your point. For now i'd call this a visual novel and definitely not a game. Not yet anyway. Well'll see how it goes. Player choices doesn't really matter that much but to be honest show me a visual novel that offers relevant choices before their 4+ chapter/4-5 update. There is a few. But only a few. I'd say the Dev should definitely keep in mind to make the choices relevant, noticably so. But not all choices has to be like that. I actually don't like when all our choices are important. Can be between nuances. Too early to tell, Dev would definitely do well to keep the player a relevant decision maker too, i don't feel that this is such an issue right now though.Yes, you are right, in a very general sense. A good story doesn't always serve with an explanation for everything. This isn't a completed story though and like i said previously, it offers an explanation for all these confusions, you just have to figure it out yourself becaus the game won't put it into words for you to read. Thats all. The answer is there.
- Jun 19, 2017
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- Oct 10, 2017
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You can ask him. @Hendrx lurks among us, even if not at this moment. Unfortunately, i don't know the exact answer though.
- Aug 16, 2017
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