HTML Abandoned Malevolent Planet [v0.2.3 Public] [SugarMint]

[SugarMint]

Review that I posted for Version 0.0.5

Very promising game with a promising plot. So far what we have is a linear story with a few different choices for how you want to approach situations. But still, the art looks nice and the writing is also good without having things overdone.

A few suggestions I would make:

• Add more control over the sex scenes, I know that this part was a linear story, but I think that maybe we having option A and B on how to proceed on that side could be nice to give our character more personality on that matter. Like making the character more dominant\submissive or romantic\dirty. Because something that usually bothers me on erotic games is the fact that you have a lot of options before the sex scene happens, and those options can lead you to have or not the romance. But what I think that most of the developers fail to notice is that we are usually playing the game to see the erotic encounters, and having choices that lead or prevent us from those erotic scenes are usually rendered useless depending on the player style. So for the ones that want to 'unlock all the erotic scenes', makes more sense to have options on how they will play.
• Nothing serious about gameplay or plot, just saying that a wavy long hair would look so great! I would love to have this as one of the options on character creation =)

From the coding perspective, the Player Object already contains a submissive/dominant variable. This variable is changed behind the scenes depending on your choice (for example with Alberto in the beginning) and it will be more expanded upon.

From the gameplay perspective, I understood an aspect I may not have noticed without your perspective. So, a player may want to play out the sexual scene as well using dominant/submissive choices. In the next scenes I'm writing, I will start prototyping such an approach. If you have gotten to the latest parts of the game, you probably have noticed that there was a bit more emphasis on player choice regarding the scene that results, but I'd like to add more choices as well.

Now that made me think that it would make a bit of sense that some choices within these scenes could be locked depending on the submissive/dominant stat, as a submissive person won't suddenly start acting outright dominant, but they could select minor dominant choices that over time could make their character more dominant/submissive.

Regarding the haircut, it will be worked upon. Thanks for the idea and for the lengthy feedback .

The game is off to a good start and has both a good plot and good writing writing. I am looking forward to future updates.

I do suggest that the body types are changed to curvy and thick because there is no way either is thin. Both the thin and curvy versions are well proportioned with size F breasts and that would not be the case with a thin body type. If possible, add in a third body type that could actually be considered to be thin, something that would be well proportioned with a breast size smaller than D.

I tried to make an even thinner version, but it turned out to look slightly anorexic so I was not sure if it would be a desired body type. I will play more with a thinner body type and see if I can make one that's well proportioned with a breast size smaller than D as you say, but it will take a bit of time.

Does the lesbian tag mean that she can be a lesbian or just that there's one g/g scene in there somewhere? Way too many games with the 'Female Protagonist' and 'Lesbian' tag combo are mostly b/g with one token g/g scene.

Since the game is in its early stages, there could not be too many g/g scenes. So far, there is only one romantic g/g scene with a romance candidate the player can interact with more. Because of the setting so far within the game, I could not make her an exclusive lesbian, but I am trying to give her more options regarding lesbian choices (since there is already a lesbian character intertwined in the story).

 

[Zoinks21]

Please add pregnancy in the future

 

[Hatzel]

From the coding perspective, the Player Object already contains a submissive/dominant variable. This variable is changed behind the scenes depending on your choice (for example with Alberto in the beginning) and it will be more expanded upon.

From the gameplay perspective, I understood an aspect I may not have noticed without your perspective. So, a player may want to play out the sexual scene as well using dominant/submissive choices. In the next scenes I'm writing, I will start prototyping such an approach. If you have gotten to the latest parts of the game, you probably have noticed that there was a bit more emphasis on player choice regarding the scene that results, but I'd like to add more choices as well.

Now that made me think that it would make a bit of sense that some choices within these scenes could be locked depending on the submissive/dominant stat, as a submissive person won't suddenly start acting outright dominant, but they could select minor dominant choices that over time could make their character more dominant/submissive.

Regarding the haircut, it will be worked upon. Thanks for the idea and for the lengthy feedback .

I don't think it's needed to Lock the scenes, but if you do, maybe it can be related to the relationship that you have with each NPC. Maybe just change a few words and I think it's ok. Because well, switches do exist, and there are not many games that allow us to be switches. Because I imagine that my character could have a more dominant approach with the human lady and a more submissive approach to the dominant one. The game that I saw this submissive\dominat thing working the best was on kingdom of deception, where the sub\dom paths are not a single variable where if you take a dominant decision, your character loses the submissive attribute. It feels more logical that way. But again, if you do lock choices based on those attributes, I would really reccomend you to to have them locked by the relationship with an NPC (Or character gender if you think by relashionship is too much). Because it can be like: You gave way too much control to this specific person, but the other one? You can handle!

And thanks a lot for considering the wavy hairstyle! Green eyes and wavy black hair is my weakness! Hahaha!

 

[fitgirlbestgirl]

Your art isn't bad, except that all your male characters look like they're either way too young or straight out of some anime. The writing though is barely serviceable, the dialogue is very surface-level and unnatural, while the plot feels incredibly rushed. I understand wanting to get into the action, but it's literally "you grew up and wanted to go to space, yada yada yada, then you went to some academy and now you're on a mission."

Take a minute to set the tone and give some background on the state of the world and the characters. Giving us dossiers to read with bullet points about what a character is supposed to be like isn't a substitute for actual writing. In general, you need to slow down and write things out more. It is kind of jarring to get to the first sex scene in the game a few minutes in and it's literally just five sentences long, it's a rape and the MC doesn't really react to it at all, except liking it of course.

Like, I can live with the "raped so good, she liked it" trope, but you kind of have to at least earn that with hot writing. Shitting out five sentences about it doesn't cut it.

 

[AlexSecret69]

I'm really happy to see the positive feedback so far .


A male MC is possible into the future, as the next version will start Life Sim in Space, but it will involve writing a lot of extra content with a separate male creation screen, so I'll give it more thought as the game progresses and more people desire a male MC. Corruption of Champions does not have art for the MC, but it makes up for it in writing with special sex scenes available only to possessors of certain members.. and I will need to have both the art and the writing

Thought about it as well, my next release will have options pubic hair by the way. By a body hair option, do you mean something like hairy legs or?

That might be because the screen is zoomed in, if you zoom out using CTRL+ScrollDown then it should show up fine. The texts on the passages are relatively centered (more obviously noticed if you click the sidebar arrow to hide it). I will try to think about a solution for lower resolution screens, however if CTRL+ScrollDown works and the text is legible then that's probably the best solution for now.

Glad someone caught that

I'll take anything I can get LUL. Pubic hair, armpit hair etc. As long as the girl isn't bald like a molerat

 

[coretex]

Yea like what was commented earlier... what are your thoughts/plans on pregnancy?

 

[SugarMint]

Your art isn't bad, except that all your male characters look like they're either way too young or straight out of some anime. The writing though is barely serviceable, the dialogue is very surface-level and unnatural, while the plot feels incredibly rushed. I understand wanting to get into the action, but it's literally "you grew up and wanted to go to space, yada yada yada, then you went to some academy and now you're on a mission."

Take a minute to set the tone and give some background on the state of the world and the characters. Giving us dossiers to read with bullet points about what a character is supposed to be like isn't a substitute for actual writing. In general, you need to slow down and write things out more. It is kind of jarring to get to the first sex scene in the game a few minutes in and it's literally just five sentences long, it's a rape and the MC doesn't really react to it at all, except liking it of course.

Like, I can live with the "raped so good, she liked it" trope, but you kind of have to at least earn that with hot writing. Shitting out five sentences about it doesn't cut it.

Regarding your earliest points, there is such a thing as too much depth and no action. I've read wh40k books which go into extreme amounts of detail about everything involving a scene, but it can be a slog if not done right and I've tried to find the balance. I'm not sure what more could be said about the female protagonist wanting to go to space and actually getting the opportunity to go to space. Sure there could be more details to the protagonist's background in the beginning and I've tried to set the tone whilst leaving more specific personality background details up to the player.

The dossiers are not meant to replace actual writing, they're meant to give an insight to the future crewmates' personalities. Actual interactions are being developed with those dossiers in mind, but there was no leeway for conversing when the situation is dire. The first scene was from the first time I've written anything that resembles sexual content, so it may not be perfect, but I spent time on learning to write better scenes to be seen later on. Development hell is not strictly related to coding, I cannot make every aspect of the game perfect, the goal of it is to improve with each iteration.

The plot you see in this chapter is not supposed to be rushed, it is there to set intrigue while placing the protagonist in a position that allows her to find more about the new world through a dire situation. You cannot really take your time in situations like the one given in the beginning.

Fortunately, this is not the approach the game takes in its entirety. I've been trying to improve art, writing, and coding while laying the foundations on which the game's setting will be built and following a linear plotline has helped me so far. This is why, the next version introduces a life simulator system and you as the player are not rushed from goal A to goal B anymore. You'll be able to take your time, interact with your friends, find more about the world that surrounds you through side quests and other aspects that will flesh out the story and introduce a sense of progression (as such, a base building system has already been built).

That's all I could really say so far, if you really think that the writing even in the later parts of this chapter hasn't gotten any better then any feedback on what you precisely don't like will help more than simply saying it's barely serviceable.

And yes, I do try to write hotter scenes. I'm constantly listening to feedback and I know that a more "intimate" feel to the scenes would make them "hotter", but I can only get there through more extensive feedback not just from me, but from players.

coretex Zoinks21 it can be introduced later if more people want it. The setting allows for it, but I did not give any thought to it yet. Thing about a pregnancy system is that it'll probably involve a lot of work and ideas regarding whether it should be a cosmetic/immersion gimmick or if it provides anything worthy to gameplay.

 

[maverih345456]

Is there a walkthrough for this game and will the girl end up naked with no clothing in the rest of the game onwards?

 

[Hatzel]

Yeeey I became a patron!

 

[fitgirlbestgirl]

Regarding your earliest points, there is such a thing as too much depth and no action. I've read wh40k books which go into extreme amounts of detail about everything involving a scene, but it can be a slog if not done right and I've tried to find the balance.

You haven't. Long exposition dumps can be tiring, but you went with the other extreme of providing no information whatsoever. I don't think we even get told what year it is, which makes all those dates of birth in the dossiers kind of pointless, because we have no point of reference.

I'm not sure what more could be said about the female protagonist wanting to go to space and actually getting the opportunity to go to space. Sure there could be more details to the protagonist's background in the beginning and I've tried to set the tone whilst leaving more specific personality background details up to the player.

You haven't set the tone. There's a difference between having a blank slate protagonist and having a protagonist with no past and no defining features whatsoever. "She wanted to go to space and now she's in space" is not enough. Life-changing events and big emotional beats are brushed off with single sentences where she "tells her family and friends." These are things that could have been written out and added characterization.

The dossiers are not meant to replace actual writing, they're meant to give an insight to the future crewmates' personalities. Actual interactions are being developed with those dossiers in mind, but there was no leeway for conversing when the situation is dire.

You had a scene between Ted and the MC before the mission, which was incredibly bland, it pretty much communicated nothing about his character to the player and was kind of a waste. Instead of putting fourth-wall-breaking dossiers in the game that tell us he is supposed to be "obnoxious" you should try to communicate that through action and dialogue.

You had the right idea with the other two guys, though their scenes went to the other extreme of hitting you over the head with "I'm X, do you get it yet?" There are subtler ways of showing that a guy is a bit of a horny douchebag than literally having him yell "NICE ASS LOL" at you in the gym.

The first scene was from the first time I've written anything that resembles sexual content, so it may not be perfect, but I spent time on learning to write better scenes to be seen later on. Development hell is not strictly related to coding, I cannot make every aspect of the game perfect, the goal of it is to improve with each iteration.

Even the best writer in the world would struggle to deliver a satisfying sex scene in only five sentences. Sometimes less isn't more. Especially when it involves something that would be traumatic to any normal person. The scene removes any sense of realism from the game and makes the MC even more of a non-entity.

The plot you see in this chapter is not supposed to be rushed, it is there to set intrigue while placing the protagonist in a position that allows her to find more about the new world through a dire situation. You cannot really take your time in situations like the one given in the beginning.

When I talk about things feeling rushed I don't necessarily only mean that the plot itself moves too fast, it's more about the way you write. You don't spend enough time to describe things, be it sex, plot or emotions. When you have the MC getting raped by a crewmate on a strange alien planet, you can't just go "oh no, he is raping her, well she actually likes it now, okay, let's move on to the next thing."

 

[Master of Puppets]

Since the game is in its early stages, there could not be too many g/g scenes. So far, there is only one romantic g/g scene with a romance candidate the player can interact with more. Because of the setting so far within the game, I could not make her an exclusive lesbian, but I am trying to give her more options regarding lesbian choices (since there is already a lesbian character intertwined in the story).

It's not so much about how many opportunities there are with girls (although they obviously need to be there) as it is that she can avoid guys. It doesn't matter how many girls she can have if she's also getting fucked by guys.

 

[BUsybat]

The biggest drawback about Female protagonist (imo) is that it's all about the female protag. Male protag thrive in exploring different options in winning/forcing their way through to actual sex. Because the majority of gamers (imo) are males, it is engaging for them and interesting to have x number of woman and their personalities plus body shape facial expression etc.

Hence for Female protag games to work generally, Emma herself needs to shine.

While it can be hard striking a balance between too much reading to lack of anything, this whole 3rd person narrative and Emma despite being raped moved on to the next scene like it was a change of clothes doesn't cut very well for me. I suppose you can try to be more "intimate" and increase the length of the actual sex sentences but since this game is all about Emma, i would think players are also interested in knowing her personal thoughts as she react to her surroundings and of coz the actual sex scenes.

So Emma is a fresh graduate.What is her personality like? Is she a virgin or is she well versed in sex craft? Did she have a BF before she left for planet. Did anything happen during the two months wait. These introduction will set a tone for Emma followed by how we the players or the developer slowly corrupt a shy or confident woman into accepting decisions which compromises her into lewd situations. It is generally more erotic when we can read read about her personal struggles as she weights up the consequences or convincing herself she got everything under control while slowly slipping.

Whereas I don't feel much for Emma with how everything is currently worded. I guess what I am trying to get at is I need more emotions out of Emma and for her personality to develop with every update or major plot. Not necessary just how she managed to cum so easy from every sex scene as it gets stale very quickly. I get all of this may mean a complete restructure in how you word it and it may also be not your style. Hence it is just my opinion for your consideration only.

 

[smite2001]

" Humanity discovered a planet in another solar system "
Sol is the name of our star, so the solar system is by definition "our" system. Unless there is weird dimensional travel involved, where travel to a different dimension results in "another solar system" (which also has a different version of Mars, Neptun etc. in addition to Earth), you gotta call it "another star system".

It's science-fiction, science is in the name of the genre. Get the absolute basics right ffs.

PS: I'm half joking though. ...half.

 

[Rule97]

I'm playing it on my cellphone and the images are all broken but the files are there

 

[SugarMint]

You haven't. Long exposition dumps can be tiring, but you went with the other extreme of providing no information whatsoever. I don't think we even get told what year it is, which makes all those dates of birth in the dossiers kind of pointless, because we have no point of reference.



You haven't set the tone. There's a difference between having a blank slate protagonist and having a protagonist with no past and no defining features whatsoever. "She wanted to go to space and now she's in space" is not enough. Life-changing events and big emotional beats are brushed off with single sentences where she "tells her family and friends." These are things that could have been written out and added characterization.



You had a scene between Ted and the MC before the mission, which was incredibly bland, it pretty much communicated nothing about his character to the player and was kind of a waste. Instead of putting fourth-wall-breaking dossiers in the game that tell us he is supposed to be "obnoxious" you should try to communicate that through action and dialogue.

You had the right idea with the other two guys, though their scenes went to the other extreme of hitting you over the head with "I'm X, do you get it yet?" There are subtler ways of showing that a guy is a bit of a horny douchebag than literally having him yell "NICE ASS LOL" at you in the gym.



Even the best writer in the world would struggle to deliver a satisfying sex scene in only five sentences. Sometimes less isn't more. Especially when it involves something that would be traumatic to any normal person. The scene removes any sense of realism from the game and makes the MC even more of a non-entity.



When I talk about things feeling rushed I don't necessarily only mean that the plot itself moves too fast, it's more about the way you write. You don't spend enough time to describe things, be it sex, plot or emotions. When you have the MC getting raped by a crewmate on a strange alien planet, you can't just go "oh no, he is raping her, well she actually likes it now, okay, let's move on to the next thing."

You bring good points. I admit that I may have overlooked some crucial aspects to the buildup that leads to the protagonist's departure. There should at least be some time references in the early game, coupled with more depth into the buildup itself. Problem is, characterization of the main character should take place in the beginning and it should affect future choices, but I have laid down a prologue that does not consider unique personality traits. My goal was to introduce characterization in the next update, through the ways the MC interacts with other characters during normal gameplay flow, during events and any circumstance that allows for that. Easier said than done though, that's why I needed feedback like the one you provided to figure out how I should approach this important aspect of a RPG.

Regarding the first conversation between Ted and the MC, they are not really close friends in the beginning. The blandness is what you'd expect from socializing with an acquaintance. I planned for actual interactions between the MC and Ted, Morris, and Alberto to be developed on the alien planet, rather than in the beginning since the protagonist is pretty much on her own during this chapter. If I decide to characterize the character in a deeper way in the beginning (rather than in the events that follow the end of the chapter), I will try to include more interactions between the MC and her crewmates before the departure. Regarding Alberto, I was not going for subtlety and rather for a boorish behaviour.

You're right regarding the sex scene. It was the first one I wrote and I was not sure whether to go back and rewrite it, since that time could be spent on writing sexual scenes in the future scenes. If it really cannot be overlooked, I will give rewriting it a try.

In the later parts of the chapter, I've tried to describe the MC's emotions through her personal thoughts even if they are not that many. There's always room for more depth regarding emotions, plot, and sexual scenes so I do not really have a choice but to spend more time on the environments I am building.

It's not so much about how many opportunities there are with girls (although they obviously need to be there) as it is that she can avoid guys. It doesn't matter how many girls she can have if she's also getting fucked by guys.

Understood, the issue is that the lesbian demographic is not a majority and I had to balance the time I had between rewriting content for guys and for girl scenes. In many scenes, I've offered the player the possibility to avoid an undesired sexual interaction through choices, but there can be better ways later on.

The biggest drawback about Female protagonist (imo) is that it's all about the female protag. Male protag thrive in exploring different options in winning/forcing their way through to actual sex. Because the majority of gamers (imo) are males, it is engaging for them and interesting to have x number of woman and their personalities plus body shape facial expression etc.

Hence for Female protag games to work generally, Emma herself needs to shine.

While it can be hard striking a balance between too much reading to lack of anything, this whole 3rd person narrative and Emma despite being raped moved on to the next scene like it was a change of clothes doesn't cut very well for me. I suppose you can try to be more "intimate" and increase the length of the actual sex sentences but since this game is all about Emma, i would think players are also interested in knowing her personal thoughts as she react to her surroundings and of coz the actual sex scenes.

So Emma is a fresh graduate.What is her personality like? Is she a virgin or is she well versed in sex craft? Did she have a BF before she left for planet. Did anything happen during the two months wait. These introduction will set a tone for Emma followed by how we the players or the developer slowly corrupt a shy or confident woman into accepting decisions which compromises her into lewd situations. It is generally more erotic when we can read read about her personal struggles as she weights up the consequences or convincing herself she got everything under control while slowly slipping.

Whereas I don't feel much for Emma with how everything is currently worded. I guess what I am trying to get at is I need more emotions out of Emma and for her personality to develop with every update or major plot. Not necessary just how she managed to cum so easy from every sex scene as it gets stale very quickly. I get all of this may mean a complete restructure in how you word it and it may also be not your style. Hence it is just my opinion for your consideration only.

It is a complete restructure and this is what I am trying for in the next update. The linear system rushes Emma from scene A to event B, and the system I am going for actually leaves time for the player to develop Emma's character through dialogue and personal choices during events. Everything you've said is correct, there is not a deep enough background to Emma's past sexual experiences so it can make her seem like a non-entity as fitgirlbestgirl said. One of my targets for the next update is to introduce personality sliders to Emma, so far I only have a SubDom one, but I am going for traits like Kindness, Mischievous and a few others. Corruption is a main theme of the game that I am developing with the next update, and I hope to bring the protagonist to life from the perspective of the player.

" Humanity discovered a planet in another solar system "
Sol is the name of our star, so the solar system is by definition "our" system. Unless there is weird dimensional travel involved, where travel to a different dimension results in "another solar system" (which also has a different version of Mars, Neptun etc. in addition to Earth), you gotta call it "another star system".

It's science-fiction, science is in the name of the genre. Get the absolute basics right ffs.

PS: I'm half joking though. ...half.

I have checked this beforehand and some articles (like

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) use the term "another solar system", so I thought it was going to work. Another star system is a better description, but our sun is a star as well and I did not think it's a really immersion-breaking detail.

I'm playing it on my cellphone and the images are all broken but the files are there

Did you try

You must be registered to see the links

?
Here is how it looks on my phone.

 

[R.]

Art is nice, decent amount of content for a preview but sidebar is a mess.
Pic is of after I deleted a shitload of unnecessary breaks and zoomed out.
I suggest moving patreon button next to title, moving time/location to above character picture and compacting hp/en/lust bars.
And using css so game automatically adjusts to size of the browser window.

 

[Which32Life32]

Futa, Or symbiosis an then you got my money xd

 

[VL0rD]

I think its better to concentrate on one platform for now... well its only a suggestion from my end since you are the only one in this project for now..

 

[esoom]

View attachment 692859
"IN THE SPACE, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM"

EDIT: dat art... MC looks like Black Widow , no male character so, time to follow jerk off instructions.

Space horse porn?

 

[smite2001]

I have checked this beforehand and some articles (like

You must be registered to see the links

) use the term "another solar system", so I thought it was going to work. Another star system is a better description, but our sun is a star as well and I did not think it's a really immersion-breaking detail.

Just because others get it wrong, doesnt mean you should blindly copy their mistakes. You are making a porn game, you have to hold yourself to a higher standart than some shitty science "news" site (and that one is really not all that great, exhibit A, the incorrect use of "solar system").

Fun fact: "Sun" is another name for our star Sol. Meaning that if you are on a planet, look up and see the sun, you are in the solar system, e.g. on Earth. If you are not in our system, you would see "a star", not "the sun". Going around that is cumbersome and weird though, so every piece of isekai fiction I recall just goes with "sun", and I approve. I do not approve of "another solar system".