- Jun 9, 2020
- 838
- 830
Was it months?Actually the problem with the story is that he has been training to use his powers, but the story does not really flesh that out well.. to us it's next day in game or just a few days training with that red skinned woman when in actuality it has probably been months. Proper wording/phrasing could of made this show that to be the case.. Like when he is finishing up his training scene it could of stated after many months of training I finally up to a par that she is satisfied with. Anything to indicate that time passed would of been better... Even months of searching for the <target (forget name of the enemy ship they were looking for)> they have finally tracked it down to sector <so and so>.
This is really the major problem I see with the story is the sense of time is never described. Do you really think even on a ship they could locate the enemy within a week? Do you think they could pilot to the enemy than within a week also? The description in time is missing and making it feel more disjointed.
The problem is the time is implied in the game but since you do events in days the implied time does not match the description. Two methods could be used to resolve this. First is to go back and write in implied time into the story after the fact or the second that would be the easiest is to change the events to say weeks and not days.. that way if the event takes 7 days from current time it would actually be 7 weeks. It would put that implied time into the story that makes it more believable since it was not originally written in.
The way the scene played out, it made it look like it was his first sparing season with the other girl and was instantly powerful and in the later scene was full on badass against the aliens.
Even if the text was adjusted to it looking like it was months, it would still be kind of jarring.
At least two scenes would be good in the training, like one where he losses and another where he unlocks his powers to make a decent amount of sense.