Move the Chains. A game that has some measure of potential, yet is sabotaged by it's own devs supposed 'humor' and idiocy. Where to truly begin with this assessment so far three chapters in?
The Good:
Visuals are stunning and high quality, if not bloated in file size.
Characters are well done and crafted, both in looks and character. Lack of a redhead romance is telling. Skill issue perhaps.
Story itself is solid, a come from the darkest place and rise up through it all, dealing with drama and crap along the way. It is handled well.
The Bad:
The Dialogue.
The One Off 'Real World Mentions'.
The 'Humor'.
Minor pacing issues.
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Dialogue wise it's all over the place, not to mention long winded in parts that make it bloated. I get that Fortune wants to try and be "edgy" and has supposedly tried to back it down a bit, but I'm going to be blunt here. There's alot more work that needs to be done on that end. The whole attempt of dialogue with some of the characters in being from the 'hood' and the constant over use of a terms used is way too much, and likely out of proprotion. <removed> this, <removed> that, Whitey this, etc. Save yourself from ruining this games potential and take that sort of shit out. Your over projecting and shooting yourself in the foot with shit like that. I'm not even joking when I say this. You could easily replace those lines with fucker and motherfucker and all sorts of alternatives. Not only will it make you look less edgy but less desperate to 'make a point'. Additionally, with the moments of racial bullshit, I'd make the suggestion to simmer it down. If it were in the manner of a joke in a light heartmanner, it's fine, but outside of that I'd make some considerations.
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The one off mentions also don't help the story at all one damn bit. I mean fucking seriously? Rittenhouse? Cosby? Weinstein? Epstien? Nazis? Mentioning players and such, thats all fine, given the parallels to the sports involved, but everything else? This is on par with the completely out of left field bullshit scene with the Neo Nazis from We Were Just Kids that had no sense or reasoning. Kill this line and useage of bullshit before it gets worse. Your wanting to make this game to be a success money wise, particularly on steam. Most players likely are wanting to play for the escape and such. But then to have the Dev's 'views' and 'opinions' on one off mentions of shit like this? It's a bad look on a marketing view point if your wanting your net to be wide as possible.
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Humor wise, it's either hit or entirely out of left field. While sure, humor is subjective and varies in taste, but here, your have some measure of comedy that do come across, while other times it's 'wow... thats more cringy/try hard' more than anything. My natural suggestion would be try to relate the humor to everyone more so rather than just one side of spectrum. Right now it's way too hard on the right. Try to back it off a tad and make it a relatable interms of the story and it's characters and not the Devs own 'tastes'.
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The 'Faxe10' Scene... Let me ask you this... how much of a optic is it, when the Dev themself, decides to try and 'own the chud' all because one, or a few' people, question the games build in such manner in regards to the supposed harem issues? Sure, some can see it as a bit funny. Some could see it as lighting more of a fire to the flames. Me? I see it as not only Fortune being petty as fuck but also it's bad for business. There are far more subtler ways to 'own chuds', mainly in terms of doubling down on things and keeping with the intended story. To literally go out of your way to lash out at a guy because you've had enough of what their saying and mock them in your own game? Yeah... thats not a good optic specially when word of interwebs gets around to explain why the dev put two fat guys in the game for a simple reason to be 'mocked'. Then again might as well chalk this up to the questionable 'humor' at this point.
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This though, it a simple matter, in regards to our sister and us, briefly having the dance on the roof and then having use march up to her place to tear her a new one. Like the fuck? I'd recommend doing a swap in terms of the scenes here. Have us tear our her a new one over the matter and then later one make it up to her on the roof to try and make ammends.
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In my brutally honest yet candid opinion, which some may say 'Hawkes, your being too judgy!' or even 'Hawkes, you have too high of a standard!'. Which to some degree, I would somewhat agree. I see this game for what it is: Fortunes attempt at trying to make a money maker project simply because the last two weren't making ends meat, either due the the creators personal tastes in writing or their expectation of DPC type money over simple visuals. Whether or not they stay with this game will certainly remain to be seen. But I also see it as Fortune "attempt" to try and "craft their own style storywise with their own humor and shit". And I'm going to be real here. Half of it is good in it's style, both renders and characters. It's really well done on that, obviously. The story, as I mention, it's good and has promise to be up there in the many great AVNs out there, if not close. But it's dialogue, humor, and bloatedness in text from Fortune are going to hurt the bottomline in years to come.
Fortune, there is nothing wrong with being a bit edgy, and I get you want to be that, specially with the dialogue, however like I said, I would suggest you make changes here and there. You don't need most of the racist bullshit and slang and shit to have effects on the dialogue, even if one is from a hood or not, along with the nazi mentions and shit. There are always alternatives in wordplay. Also, try to tone down your walls of text with speech. Try to look into ways to get to the point with less wordings yet still fill in the text of the point. It is a challenge but it can be done with time and effort and practices.
These are simply my thoughts and simple suggestions on the current state. Whether they are taken into account or used in some manner... well I honestly have no expectations on if they are applied or not.
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