- Oct 4, 2017
- 1,272
- 2,564
Despite the short version...its surprisingly good ?
Im really digging the fun parts of the story. There are some jokes build in which made me smile. Like the luggage one or when the MC was running in the park and he mentioned his ass lol.
The girls look cute/hot. Personal taste/preference would be not finding "Lunas" hairstyle attractive but like I said, just personal preference. The characters, while there is not really much to show/tell, felt alive tho. Yeah sure they have your typical roles like "Starr" being the over energetic, always full of happinies type of girl while "Luna" is more the emo type but they still felt down to earth.
Also im not hating the Sandbox stuff since it never really bothered me aslong its not done for wasting time.
And it seems the story has a real story in it, which sounds interesting.
IF I would suggest you something it would be:
1. Give some thought of what MissFortune said. We may have our different opinnions about that guys game, but its safe to say this man know how to create great and beautiful renders. One of the top tier ones on this site hands down, be it the renders themself or the GUI.
2. Make it clearer where the MC is saying and when he is thinking. It was kinda hard to tell when that happend.
3. Remove the quotation marks on the incest in the Future tags. Lets be real, we all want it stop lying to ourself lol.
4. H-Harem ?
5. Think about adding some background music, or even better, background sound to it. I know this would be tricky for someone new, but trust me, this will make a day and night difference.
6. Sixxer/different, specific sites -> Using this tool so the MC can find here the "side" contend when it comes to sex scenes/Side LI ? Like MC lists to help a hot milf with her relocation but later she starts to lust for him ? Or a cheeky gal looking for some suggar daddy but gets hooked to MC. Or a calm and "ara ara" mommy with huge milkers needing help with her lactation problem...because something something and its needs to be done ASAP! ... Just some thoughts lol
Im really digging the fun parts of the story. There are some jokes build in which made me smile. Like the luggage one or when the MC was running in the park and he mentioned his ass lol.
The girls look cute/hot. Personal taste/preference would be not finding "Lunas" hairstyle attractive but like I said, just personal preference. The characters, while there is not really much to show/tell, felt alive tho. Yeah sure they have your typical roles like "Starr" being the over energetic, always full of happinies type of girl while "Luna" is more the emo type but they still felt down to earth.
Also im not hating the Sandbox stuff since it never really bothered me aslong its not done for wasting time.
And it seems the story has a real story in it, which sounds interesting.
IF I would suggest you something it would be:
1. Give some thought of what MissFortune said. We may have our different opinnions about that guys game, but its safe to say this man know how to create great and beautiful renders. One of the top tier ones on this site hands down, be it the renders themself or the GUI.
2. Make it clearer where the MC is saying and when he is thinking. It was kinda hard to tell when that happend.
3. Remove the quotation marks on the incest in the Future tags. Lets be real, we all want it stop lying to ourself lol.
4. H-Harem ?
5. Think about adding some background music, or even better, background sound to it. I know this would be tricky for someone new, but trust me, this will make a day and night difference.
6. Sixxer/different, specific sites -> Using this tool so the MC can find here the "side" contend when it comes to sex scenes/Side LI ? Like MC lists to help a hot milf with her relocation but later she starts to lust for him ? Or a cheeky gal looking for some suggar daddy but gets hooked to MC. Or a calm and "ara ara" mommy with huge milkers needing help with her lactation problem...because something something and its needs to be done ASAP! ... Just some thoughts lol