VN Ren'Py Moving Out [Day 9b] [APA]

[fixrapid]

FYI... I noticed there is a $20 cap for MC to make programing money, after that he gets $0 each time he works. (Money sources....$50 original starting money + a one time $20 from programing = $70. Then it's $-30 for each programing training course.)

that's not entirely true:
you can keep incoming $20 each time you work, but you need to get better at programming after first earnings - otherwise it's reseted to 0.

 

[Harem Trooper]

Despite the short version...its surprisingly good ?
Im really digging the fun parts of the story. There are some jokes build in which made me smile. Like the luggage one or when the MC was running in the park and he mentioned his ass lol.

The girls look cute/hot. Personal taste/preference would be not finding "Lunas" hairstyle attractive but like I said, just personal preference. The characters, while there is not really much to show/tell, felt alive tho. Yeah sure they have your typical roles like "Starr" being the over energetic, always full of happinies type of girl while "Luna" is more the emo type but they still felt down to earth.

Also im not hating the Sandbox stuff since it never really bothered me aslong its not done for wasting time.
And it seems the story has a real story in it, which sounds interesting.

IF I would suggest you something it would be:
1. Give some thought of what MissFortune said. We may have our different opinnions about that guys game, but its safe to say this man know how to create great and beautiful renders. One of the top tier ones on this site hands down, be it the renders themself or the GUI.

2. Make it clearer where the MC is saying and when he is thinking. It was kinda hard to tell when that happend.

3. Remove the quotation marks on the incest in the Future tags. Lets be real, we all want it stop lying to ourself lol.

4. H-Harem ?

5. Think about adding some background music, or even better, background sound to it. I know this would be tricky for someone new, but trust me, this will make a day and night difference.

6. Sixxer/different, specific sites -> Using this tool so the MC can find here the "side" contend when it comes to sex scenes/Side LI ? Like MC lists to help a hot milf with her relocation but later she starts to lust for him ? Or a cheeky gal looking for some suggar daddy but gets hooked to MC. Or a calm and "ara ara" mommy with huge milkers needing help with her lactation problem...because something something and its needs to be done ASAP! ... Just some thoughts lol

 

[llAzurusll]

Despite the short version...its surprisingly good ?
Im really digging the fun parts of the story. There are some jokes build in which made me smile. Like the luggage one or when the MC was running in the park and he mentioned his ass lol.

The girls look cute/hot. Personal taste/preference would be not finding "Lunas" hairstyle attractive but like I said, just personal preference. The characters, while there is not really much to show/tell, felt alive tho. Yeah sure they have your typical roles like "Starr" being the over energetic, always full of happinies type of girl while "Luna" is more the emo type but they still felt down to earth.

Also im not hating the Sandbox stuff since it never really bothered me aslong its not done for wasting time.
And it seems the story has a real story in it, which sounds interesting.

IF I would suggest you something it would be:
1. Give some thought of what MissFortune said. We may have our different opinnions about that guys game, but its safe to say this man know how to create great and beautiful renders. One of the top tier ones on this site hands down, be it the renders themself or the GUI.

2. Make it clearer where the MC is saying and when he is thinking. It was kinda hard to tell when that happend.

3. Remove the quotation marks on the incest in the Future tags. Lets be real, we all want it stop lying to ourself lol.

4. H-Harem ?

5. Think about adding some background music, or even better, background sound to it. I know this would be tricky for someone new, but trust me, this will make a day and night difference.

6. Sixxer/different, specific sites -> Using this tool so the MC can find here the "side" contend when it comes to sex scenes/Side LI ? Like MC lists to help a hot milf with her relocation but later she starts to lust for him ? Or a cheeky gal looking for some suggar daddy but gets hooked to MC. Or a calm and "ara ara" mommy with huge milkers needing help with her lactation problem...because something something and its needs to be done ASAP! ... Just some thoughts lol

You're letting your fetishes leak a bit in 6 but 2nd 3, 4 and 5, also when you have some help, you should implement the computer a little more. such as adding a "Gallery" and have a few different options to earn money than just "Sixxer". when you're able to have a more sense of developing, you should add a map/room icons instead of the top/down view if youre able

 

[Harem Trooper]

You're letting your fetishes leak a bit in 6

Spoiler

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[Guyin Cognito]

that's not entirely true:
you can keep incoming $20 each time you work, but you need to get better at programming after first earnings - otherwise it's reseted to 0.

You can work?! The only activity I ever found that did anything was the jogging. Once the girl stopped showing up, and I hadn't found any other activities, I assumed that was it for the demo. Sounds like I missed some things.

It's official: content is in Easter Egg territory.
I like the way you did the apartment map. If you want to keep the freeroam/sandbox style, I recomend including something to help "gently guide" the player, like
an icon that shows a new/meaningful event is available in a certain location or
a diary that lists cues (i.e. "I need a job, I should try checking LOCATION at TIME OF DAY.")

Generally, I like the game, the characters, and the writing. A few bits to polish/fix, but otherwise good to go.

 

[llAzurusll]

Spoiler

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Why yes, You did.

 

[llAzurusll]

You can work?! The only activity I ever found that did anything was the jogging. Once the girl stopped showing up, and I hadn't found any other activities, I assumed that was it for the demo. Sounds like I missed some things.

It's official: content is in Easter Egg territory.
I like the way you did the apartment map. If you want to keep the freeroam/sandbox style, I recomend including something to help "gently guide" the player, like
an icon that shows a new/meaningful event is available in a certain location or
a diary that lists cues (i.e. "I need a job, I should try checking LOCATION at TIME OF DAY.")

Generally, I like the game, the characters, and the writing. A few bits to polish/fix, but otherwise good to go.

You can do some programming on the pc in his room, and this brings me to my earlier comment, the jobs could be Progressive. Start with light programming at the start, and as you "level up" your skills you can start to (and this is where a 4th wall break comes in) Helping Developers make games on a site called "T9Area" or something like that.

 

[Deckard81]

Really like the premise, the dialogue so far as been decent and the models are great.

Is story progression random, location based or chronological?

 

[Saint Blackmoor]

I changed all baby i to big boy I.

The game is good so far.

 

[str8h8]

I have absolutely no clue what to do past the eating breakfast scenes, have spammed running, programming, tv, bath, everything. Are there just no scenes? Is there a way to even check this? Game is looking promising but I have no clue how to get anything done.A

Edit: Better yet, does anyone have a full save?

 

[MrBenny]

that's not entirely true:
you can keep incoming $20 each time you work, but you need to get better at programming after first earnings - otherwise it's reseted to 0.

Well for me...I did train after my first $20 (a number of times...3+), and also worked a number of times. But each time after I work I get $-0 added to my wallet (image incl.), and after the training funds were were paid...I'm at $-30 (image incl.).

Spoiler: Images showing results of work and training.

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[incest lover m/s]

incest without a mother included for me is not the same thing, but at least it pretends to have the incest tag

 

[Saint Blackmoor]

Okay, so the textbox in this game is like.., atrocious, so I decided to put my CSP skills to the test and make something much less atrocious.

The way you stated your cute little fix was atrocious, and by the way, there are many types of textbox mods here.

 

[WildBillKatt]

A few thoughts:

Don't mind Starr's look, it's something different. But the glasses are just a little too big, makes it absurd.

There are some errors: Both girls rooms at night say "Looks like Starr locked her door".

Generally speaking there isn't enough to do in the house. If you're going to divide the day into periods, there should be one ore more useful things to do in each one.

 

[Deleted member 4963437]

The way you stated your cute little fix was atrocious, and by the way, there are many types of textbox mods here.

There is? Well, let's say I didn't hear that there was before you said that. Well, it was just a simple temporary fix as I didn't feel like spending the whole day for something that someone else could do, which would be wayyy better than mine.

 

[jackkane]

Holy shit Apagod, someone else watched Kenichi?

shigure is sexy.

 

[MissFortune]

View attachment 2097253
I like the stylised text box frame, and I can certainly understand the urge to avoid blocking the view of the screen in such a visual focused medium, but the thing about that is that text boxes don't exist to point out where the text is, they exist to avoid lack of contrast between the text and the background. Yes, I can read it, but is unpleasant to do so, and there may be worse cases later on. I think even a mostly translucent text box can still do the job, but having nothing at all is just problematic.

It's also easy enough to just add an outline of some sort to the text.

One method might be to just create a style. Finding "style say_dialogue is default" in the screens.rpy and adding this under that list:

style say_dialogue:
    outlines [ (absolute(1), "#hexcolorhere", absolute(0), absolute(0)) ]

 

[TeslaCoil]

Where there's potential there is hope

 

[moi69]

not sure if i'm too dented to play this game properly, or if its just a go-elsewhere-simulator at this point

 

[Munkieshines]

not that it bothers me in any way i just caught it and it was really funny

and then the very next frame