VN Ren'Py Mutual Corruption [v0.1] [Broken_Tomboy_dev]

[Tsusaku]

Has corruption in the name, speak of corruption in the overview, but has no corruption in the tags

 

[Danv]

from overview and tags - sounds like exact clone of Twisted World, one to one

 

[Kark2223]

The planned Futa content I have is Futa on Female (in flash backs to the ancient past) and possibly Male on Futa. But the majority of the content I'm planning is Male x Female femdom.

So... No Futa on male?(I really like futa on male)

 

[ExtremelyEvilBob]

from overview and tags - sounds like exact clone of Twisted World, one to one

It is, though sadly the quality is no where near as good. But it's good to see something new with a reverse gender roles setting pop up, hopefully it'll inspire other devs.

 

[Broken_Tomboy_dev]

from overview and tags - sounds like exact clone of Twisted World, one to one

I'll be honest, the main reason I made this game is that I got really pissed off that the twisted world remake changed the main character, so I decided to make my own game. I want to make mines more edgy and abit more sinister. The main girls start with good intentions, but their own desires make them gas light the MC to fit what they desire. The twist here being the MC can match their perversion, instead of being a passive sub.

It is, though sadly the quality is no where near as good. But it's good to see something new with a reverse gender roles setting pop up, hopefully it'll inspire other devs.

Fair enough, what can I improve on? Is it the story, the character designs, or the quality of the renders?

So... No Futa on male?(I really like futa on male)

I prototyped another game in which that is the main theme, but I wanna avoid that in this game. I have a very specific vision for where I'm going with this game.

 

[Lusty Novel]

Mutual Corruption [v0.1] [Broken_Tomboy_dev] - Android Port

Android Port
- Added LNmod for ease of use.
- Touch Gestures Available
- Game Save Location is Mod-Friendly!
- Compression is Applied in This Game

Save or Mod Location: Documents/LustyNovel/lustynovel.mutualcorruption.apk

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This unofficial port/version is not released by the developer, download at your own risk.
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Spoiler: LNmod

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[mfl82793]

Interesting game. Hoping for multiple types of Futa plus Trap content for the MC and the harem. A patch for the optional "I" would be nice to help with the immersion and maybe give a funny prompt that gives the user the message that they know exactly what they are doing lol. Trap content as in MC dominates the other Traps because they deserve to be controlled. Hopefully the dad is a futa so that the MC can put some babies in the dad lol. Futa dad competing with mom in a fun way would be interesting. Also, that extra stuff at the end with the options broke the immersion of the story.

 

[Ogre]

The twist here being the MC can match their perversion, instead of being a passive sub.

Match their perversion while remaining a sub?

Is gradually turning the tables and becoming the dom a possible route? (Of course it's ok if it isn't in your plans, it's your game, but that would interest me so I'm asking)

 

[youraccount69]

MutualCorruption-0.1

Spoiler: TORRENT 1017MB (Windows)

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[ExtremelyEvilBob]

Fair enough, what can I improve on? Is it the story, the character designs, or the quality of the renders?

Here's some quick feedback, hopefully it helps.

• The structure of current version (scene previews) really presents the game in a bad light. The scenes are too disjointed without proper story progression. I'd rather have a small number of longer, well written scenes in chronological order. So the prologue, then the protagonist getting to know his family, the world and then trying to get closer to everyone. I also feel you should have waited till you had more content before posting first version.
• Need some initial worldbuilding, not a full on lore dump. But first thing protagonist should do when arriving in new world is try to get information on it, ask people questions or look things up online. You haven't even shown us how a typical male-female interaction goes in this world yet. There's some pretty odd things mixed in without explanation, like why are women amazons (do hormones work different from our world?), and why are there orcs?
• The families attitude towards the protagonist is really extreme (especially wanting him dead), we need some examples of why they'd hate "previous version" so much. Like show us other boys acting like assholes, and have the sisters mention specific things he did in past. As is, it just seems like all the women are horrible.
• Lex's Office 2 scene fails to demonstrate that typical men have a bad attitude, instead it just shows women acting like bitches (Lex is badmouthing the boy without justification and the other one views him a sex object). You should have the boy acting like a snobby actor/model, making all sorts of unreasonable demands and threatening to quit if they don't satisfy him. Make the reader want to hate him.
• The chained to bed thing was weird, it make reader assume protagonist is being abused rather than simply being protected. Instead you could show the protagonist trying to leave the room and he finds he can't cause it has special locks.
• Need to work on conveying emotion and such is dialogue. 'Oh great (said sarcastically)' is really bad, there's other ways it could be conveyed like maybe 'Oh great...' or 'Oh "great"'. Use font styles, scare quotes and such. Alternatively use their expression to convey it, in this case she could be rolling her eyes.
• Proof reading, there's a lot of typo's and other small mistakes like words that aren't capitalized.
• Lighting in most renders is unnatural, like inside the house is unnaturally bright with the shadows at odd angles.
• I found text slightly hard to read on some backgrounds, so would prefer a semi-transparent dialogue box. I'm fairly sure you can offer a setting to hide/show that, for people who don't want it.
• I'd suggest putting thoughts in italics, makes it more immediately obvious and looks nicer.

Personal opinion/preferences, so feel free to ignore;

• I don't find the character designs attractive, especially the faces. I usually like Koikatsu characters, but you've done something odd with the settings (maybe the overall body proportions are off, I can't tell for sure). One specific thing I can share is that the make up is too excessive (blush and lipstick).
• The voice acting isn't great, but in fairness I've never liked English voice acting in weg's.
• You shouldn't be including animations for every little unimportant scene, it just bloats the filesize. Also the walking in place animation just looks silly.
• Not a fan of having a feminine looking protagonist nor amazon females. I know some other gender reverse role stories do it, but it's just not my kind of thing. I'm interested in the cultural differences to our world and if there's traps I want to fuck them, not be one.

By the way if you need inspiration, I have a list of gender reverse role stories you can get ideas from.

 

[Broken_Tomboy_dev]

Match their perversion while remaining a sub?

Is gradually turning the tables and becoming the dom a possible route? (Of course it's ok if it isn't in your plans, it's your game, but that would interest me so I'm asking)

The setting I'm going for is that the women in this world are hyper aggressive in both personality and sexuality; and that is the socially accepted norm. BUT, that's where the corruption kicks in. What happens when a dom gets overwhelmed by a insatiable slut. I wanna play on the shear confusion that that causes. Pic related in spoiler . TLDR, although not physically domming in the traditional sense, there will be emotional/sensual reverse domming.

Spoiler

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Here's some quick feedback, hopefully it helps.

• The structure of current version (scene previews) really presents the game in a bad light. The scenes are too disjointed without proper story progression. I'd rather have a small number of longer, well written scenes in chronological order. So the prologue, then the protagonist getting to know his family, the world and then trying to get closer to everyone. I also feel you should have waited till you had more content before posting first version.
• Need some initial worldbuilding, not a full on lore dump. But first thing protagonist should do when arriving in new world is try to get information on it, ask people questions or look things up online. You haven't even shown us how a typical male-female interaction goes in this world yet. There's some pretty odd things mixed in without explanation, like why are women amazons (do hormones work different from our world?), and why are there orcs?
• The families attitude towards the protagonist is really extreme (especially wanting him dead), we need some examples of why they'd hate "previous version" so much. Like show us other boys acting like assholes, and have the sisters mention specific things he did in past. As is, it just seems like all the women are horrible.
• Lex's Office 2 scene fails to demonstrate that typical men have a bad attitude, instead it just shows women acting like bitches (Lex is badmouthing the boy without justification and the other one views him a sex object). You should have the boy acting like a snobby actor/model, making all sorts of unreasonable demands and threatening to quit if they don't satisfy him. Make the reader want to hate him.
• The chained to bed thing was weird, for other series where male kidnapping is a concern (usually it's set in worlds where men are scarce) they'd have a body guard (who doubles as a romanceable heroine).
• Need to work on conveying emotion and such is dialogue. 'Oh great (said sarcastically)' is really bad, there's other ways it could be conveyed like maybe 'Oh great...' or 'Oh "great"'. Use font styles, scare quotes and such. Alternatively use their expression to convey it, in this case she could be rolling her eyes.
• Proof reading, there's a lot of typo's and other small mistakes like words that aren't capitalized.
• Lighting in most renders is unnatural, like inside the house is unnaturally bright with the shadows at odd angles.
• I found text slightly hard to read on some backgrounds, so would prefer a semi-transparent dialogue box. I'm fairly sure you can offer a setting to hide/show that, for people who don't want it.
• I'd suggest putting thoughts in italics, makes it more immediately obvious and looks nicer.

Personal opinion/preferences, so feel free to ignore;

• I don't find the character designs attractive, especially the faces. I usually like Koikatsu characters, but you've done something odd with the settings (maybe the overall body proportions are off, I can't tell for sure). One specific thing I can share is that the make up is too excessive (blush and lipstick).
• The voice acting isn't great, but in fairness I've never liked English voice acting in weg's.
• You shouldn't be including animations for every little unimportant scene, it just bloats the filesize. Also the walking in place animation just looks silly.
• Not a fan of having a feminine looking protagonist nor amazon females. I know some other gender reverse role stories do it, but it's just not my kind of thing. I'm interested in the cultural differences to our world and if there's traps I want to fuck them, not be one.

By the way if you need inspiration, I have a list of gender reverse role stories you can get ideas from.

The thing is, the stuff about the protag trying to get to know the main girls and looking stuff online; I've already written and completed, but then I felt like I rushed that too fast. I want to do a bit of world building and introduce some supernatural elements before I rush the main girls plots. The goal of this release is to set the initial plot, and then I'll slowly reveal why this world is full of amazons, and what led to the current world order. I comepelty agree though, I gotta make the opening smoother.

I kinda want to show some flashbacks, but I feel that if I keep the reasons vague, it adds to the immersion. And it helps the with the theme of gaslighting I'm going for, where the MC is inadvertently guilt tripped for things he had no part in, making him work harder to win their approval. The relationship is suppose to be abit toxic, where the girls have to reconcile the boy they hated with the pure boy they have now, and how they justify their actions/manipulations as a form of catharsis. Thats what I'm going for, but if I can pull it off is another story.

The thing about Lex's office 2, I'm kinda planning on showing the contrast between the MC other other boys in a future story line where

Spoiler

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For the bed chain thing, the plot dictates that male guards are too weak and woman are not to be trusted, so the only security that can be relied on is protocols. And also

Spoiler

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. I kinda want to keep the world building implied rather than lore dumps, and slowly reveal why things are the way they are; even if it doesn't make sense in the moment.

You make a good point about the emotional dialog stuff, I'm relying heavily on audio for that, but it makes sense what your saying.

I'm terrible at proof reading, I somehow auto correct my mistakes in my mind as I read T-T

I'm still learning the lighting stuff at the moment, I think I can improve that as time goes by.

The animation for every scene was a mistake on my part, I went heavy when I first started; but I'm using less of it now.

By the way, you might like this game called "

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". It was abandoned years ago, but the plot and writing were really good. I'm planning on incorporating some of the themes in my game.

 

[AlterdStates7]

Since no one else has said it yet if you're going to have Voice Acting, consider it have its own seperate slider in the Preferences. Most of the time VA in Renpy games does more harm than good IMO, so having it be optional works for everyone.

 

[Helseythe]

All males are femboys, but there's no yaoi option? RIP

 

[Broken_Tomboy_dev]

Since no one else has said it yet if you're going to have Voice Acting, consider it have its own seperate slider in the Preferences. Most of the time VA in Renpy games does more harm than good IMO, so having it be optional works for everyone.

There are two sliders for voice volume, are they not working?

 

[AlterdStates7]

There are two sliders for voice volume, are they not working?

I don't play anything before 3 updates, my heart's been broken too many times lol, but I would assume they work. Just offering some general (unsolicited) advice. VA in AVNs is usually pretty hit or miss so having the option can't hurt.

 

[comradequestion]

The planned Futa content I have is Futa on Female (in flash backs to the ancient past) and possibly Male on Futa. But the majority of the content I'm planning is Male x Female femdom.

well for what its worth id like to see some futa x male gfdom.

 

[Juerhullycin]

The main theme I'm going for is gentle femdom, with some supernatural mixed in. Bare in mind, even though the MC is small comparatively, he's not always going to take the fucking passively (Supernatural bullshit FTW!!).

 

[Cajun Fox]

Thanks for the upload.

 

[Broken_Tomboy_dev]

well for what its worth id like to see some futa x male gfdom.

I have another game for that, its more focused on Chasity and drugs. I kind of screwed myself with trying 4 routes at once. I might release it as a side project later.

I don't play anything before 3 updates, my heart's been broken too many times lol, but I would assume they work. Just offering some general (unsolicited) advice. VA in AVNs is usually pretty hit or miss so having the option can't hurt.

I'm the same way, there are allot of games with really good v0.1 that never get more than 1 update.

 

[Juerhullycin]

And it helps the with the theme of gaslighting I'm going for, where the MC is inadvertently guilt tripped for things he had no part in, making him work harder to win their approval. The relationship is suppose to be abit toxic, where the girls have to reconcile the boy they hated with the pure boy they have now, and how they justify their actions/manipulations as a form of catharsis.

how long do we have to wait till we can kill them in their sleep with a knife?