VN Ren'Py My Dorm [v0.24.0 S3 Ch.4] [Tropecita Games]

[DaFinker]

It's because of her birthplace. Or to be more exact, I chose that birthplace because, that way, I could justify that email address. If I smear it, how would you be able to write an email to her? Have you tried?

Had to be something like that!

 

[blkcrow20]

I think I have just the bed to accommodate that (you could probably even get it reinforced to industrial strength, to handle Eva's "lioness pouncing" routine)...
View attachment 4830995

An improvement for the bedroom.

 

[blkcrow20]

But Taoism say "blondes have more fun."

Tao was wrong.

 

[DaFinker]

Anyone know if this dev employs proofreaders that are native English speakers? If he does I sure hope he doesn't pay them, imagine getting payed and deliver on this level lol.

It's a good game but the English is just so unnatural and wrong/bad, kind of breaks the immersion.

It really isn't. Are you a native English speaker? I suspect not. If you are, I further suspect you did poorly in English class - C student at best. I was an A+ student in Honors/AP English classes, BTW, 8th grade all the way through college. They didn't offer it in 7th grade at that time.

If software as simple as Grammarly (free version) can detect four mistakes in your first paragraph, I guess you aren't used to properly written English (I can detect a couple extra mistakes that Grammarly didn't):

Honestly, "that are" isn't actually a problem; however, the rest really is a bit bad. Also, the comma after "them" should have been a dash, or, possibly, a colon, but a dash is more fitting with the writing.

 

[MiltonPowers]

Anyone know if this dev employs proofreaders that are native English speakers? If he does I sure hope he doesn't pay them, imagine getting payed and deliver on this level lol.

It's a good game but the English is just so unnatural and wrong/bad, kind of breaks the immersion.

Irony is having a go at someone for their spelling/grammar and using an incorrect word while doing so.

Payed is a nautical term for coating the boat with waterproof material (or letting out the rope or chain).

The correct word is 'paid'.

 

[DaFinker]

Making progress, having observations.

Spoiler: Gee - I wonder where this came from?

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Spoiler: I know this is wrong, but...

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Spoiler: I know this is even more wrong, but...

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Spoiler: Then there are the editing notes. ;)

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Okay - time for a road trip!

 

[jerichodowns]

The naturalness of how something "sounds" would be different for a player in a slum in Nairobi (Kenya), a player raised in Knightsbridge (London, UK), a player in the Appalachian (US), or a player from Sydney (Australia). All of them are native speakers, by the way.

While the person you were replying to was quite rude about it, I can say that the game seems to be set in the US and there are phrases that do seem super off to me. Granted in the US, given its so large with such diverse communities, dialects can be extremely varied. I'm fairly well traveled and something like "I want to eat your lipstick" hits my brain in a real awkward way. I cannot imagine anyone ever intentionally saying that. That said, even though there are numerous turns of phrase that don't sound natural to me I can always get the gist of what you're trying to get across.

So, I agree that the dialogue very often doesn't feel natural for the setting I don't think its a big deal.

 

[DaFinker]

"I want to eat your lipstick" hits my brain in a real awkward way. I cannot imagine anyone ever intentionally saying that.

So, I agree that the dialogue very often doesn't feel natural for the setting...

The setting is California - Hollyweird isn't that far away. That particular phrase would probably be pretty tame in that environment - Playboy Mansion, Diddy Parties....

 

[WerewolfSinX]

I'm about to make some jaws drop. I did the impossible... I went full Harem and really enjoyed seeing some content I haven't seen yet....

 

[jerichodowns]

The setting is California - Hollyweird isn't that far away. That particular phrase would probably be pretty tame in that environment - Playboy Mansion, Diddy Parties....

Erhm, tame isn't really what i was talking about. I meant it doesn't make sense. For one, here we wouldn't use the word eat in that way, it would be more like i want to taste xyz. Secondly, this may be different in other parts of the world, but over here lipstick rarely has a pleasant taste. Chapstick and lip gloss on the other hand are often flavored.

 

[xapican]

But Taoism say "blondes have more fun."

But it also says,: "Redheads fulfill what blondes promise"

 

[xapican]

I'm about to make some jaws drop. I did the impossible... I went full Harem and really enjoyed seeing some content I haven't seen yet....

which doesn't exime you of the mini Harem paths

 

[xapican]

And a "Martha/Martha Clone/MC" three way would surely blow the minds of several here, leaving them catatonic.

That will be the point where we loose HP for good

 

[WerewolfSinX]

which doesn't exime you of the mini Harem paths

Yup and I'm even throwing one rule in just to make it different from everyone else. Only some of the women will be impregnated not all lol. Everyone who knows me probably already knows without a doubt Erika is on that list haha. I've already made a promise to myself that Erika will be in all my custom renders starting with this months lol.

 

[blkcrow20]

 

[xapican]

¡No estoy seguro de cuales, "labios" quiero comer ahi! / I'm not sure of wich "lips" I want to "eat" there !

 

[JJ1960]

I'm fairly well traveled and something like "I want to eat your lipstick" hits my brain in a real awkward way.

Not that many years ago people were eating Tide pods, so this really isn't that bad.

 

[TonyMurray]

If I can have Daphne and almost-Daphne in bed at the same time, that's a win.

I'm really looking forward to the potential scenes when Eva (and Amanda) are fully consummated members of the harem. Some "twin play" or "clone play" could be fun with Daphne and Eva - so long as it's not Eva roleplaying as Daphne, as I feel that would belittle her slightly. Both roleplaying as the same different person would work though! (And yes, I know we have had some twin time before with Daphne and Erika (but not just Daphne and Erika, that I recall), but it's not the same because they have such different styles to set them apart).

Go play Lust Academy for a while, then come back and talk to us about poor proofreading and unnatural dialog (or dialogue, if you're on the east side of the pond...).

"Dialog" to mean conversation is apparently still a lot less common. Even in US English, I would guide towards "dialogue" for conversation, while "dialog" is used in computing, for popup/information windows etc.

Honestly, "that are" isn't actually a problem; however, the rest really is a bit bad.

When referring to people, “who” is generally used, whereas “that” is used for inanimate objects.
(I copied and pasted that one from the comments library I've compiled for use when proofreading novels. It shows how often it tends to come up...)

 

[minibaer12]

English, like EVERY other language in the world, has the same problem: regional dialects!

A VN that's marketed globally will ALWAYS have people who are bothered by words that use different words or are spelled differently in their region. FACT!

Trope95 can comment on this, but I suspect he's referring to British English.

 

[Trope95]

English, like EVERY other language in the world, has the same problem: regional dialects!

A VN that's marketed globally will ALWAYS have people who are bothered by words that use different words or are spelled differently in their region. FACT!

Trope95 can comment on this, but I suspect he's referring to British English.

I try to Americanize the dialogue since most of the characters are American-born or raised. Since I'm European, I was taught British English, so sometimes British expressions leak and I don't even know they aren't used in the US. Thanks to Crow, most of them are caught.

Saira (and later Kalyani) are the exceptions, since they are from India (upper class), they speak with British vocabulary and expressions on purpose. It also applies to Canadian characters. And Crow corrects most of them because he forgets .