Ren'Py Abandoned My Personal Succubus [v0.2] [NaughtyVerse]

4.70 star(s) 3 Votes

LGM

Active Member
Nov 22, 2018
610
697
Not a bad start. I've played up to the point at which the linearity kinda stops, after Kate and Holly return from the school. I'll play more later, but here's what I have to say about the game so far.

While the error list below ended up with over 100 entries, it really wasn't that bad. Lots of the mistakes in this script are really just the same few mistakes over and over:
- The word 'I' should always be capitalized. (I didn't list these.)
- The questions and negations in past tense are done wrong. It's "Did you know?" and "I didn't know." You wouldn't also put the 'know' in those sentences into past tense. I listed these below.
- Some commas are missing, but not overly many. (This alone makes me quite happy.)
- There are a few mess-ups with singular/plural.
- And a few typos.

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Anyway, not bad so far. Just hope the sandbox doesn't ruin it.
 

NaughtyVerse

Newbie
Game Developer
Mar 28, 2024
31
200
Not a bad start. I've played up to the point at which the linearity kinda stops, after Kate and Holly return from the school. I'll play more later, but here's what I have to say about the game so far.

While the error list below ended up with over 100 entries, it really wasn't that bad. Lots of the mistakes in this script are really just the same few mistakes over and over:
- The word 'I' should always be capitalized. (I didn't list these.)
- The questions and negations in past tense are done wrong. It's "Did you know?" and "I didn't know." You wouldn't also put the 'know' in those sentences into past tense. I listed these below.
- Some commas are missing, but not overly many. (This alone makes me quite happy.)
- There are a few mess-ups with singular/plural.
- And a few typos.

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Anyway, not bad so far. Just hope the sandbox doesn't ruin it.
Wow! A lot of mistakes!! :eek::eek:
Some were just typing mistakes while the others were grammar rules that are not in my language or i didn't know...

But thanks for the feedback, i'll fix those points for the next update.
 
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Demoness_Kiss

Forum Fanatic
Jun 9, 2017
5,306
7,372
Wow! A lot of mistakes!! :eek::eek:
Some were just typing mistakes while the others were grammar rules that are not in my language or i didn't know...

But thanks for the feedback, i'll fix those points for the next update.
Use a grammar-checking program and most of those errors will disappear...and you'll improve your knowledge of english XD
 

Saint Blackmoor

Saint and Sinner
Donor
Oct 26, 2017
5,612
16,812
I'll try them. English is not my main language, so i'm sure I made some grammar mistakes.
While the error list below ended up with over 100 entries, it really wasn't that bad. Lots of the mistakes in this script are really just the same few mistakes over and over:
Here's a fixed script for you guys. The game is very good and has potential. Hopefully, this helps a bit.

Unpack and put the new script and put in the game folder, and overwrite when asked.
Enjoy ;)
 

MrWiki

Member
Donor
Jan 20, 2021
106
126
Before i download this, does the penis stay that big? Kinda putting me off, its way to big, i understand getting bigger with succubus help but this is way to big, is it a option or its force to have big penis?
 
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S1nsational

Engaged Member
Mar 31, 2022
3,396
6,554
I've seen some huge dicks in games in my time, but that is beyond stupidly big and well into the realm of parody. Twice the size or more of his forearm, and given the size of the rest of his body he should be passing out from blood loss every time he gets hard. How can any be expected to take this game in any way at all seriously?
 

joryh

Well-Known Member
Nov 8, 2021
1,063
2,087
-.-

Seriously? His dick is literally bigger than his fucking arm. He has no right being conscious any time he gets hard.
 
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NaughtyVerse

Newbie
Game Developer
Mar 28, 2024
31
200
1) Will the game be a sandbox or will it just be a choice path? In sandbox mode, they usually don’t make many options for the development of events.
Yes, it's a sandbox.

2) I looked at the update and felt that it was somehow difficult to add something new to the game. It’s clear that there is an idea, but developing it doesn’t seem to be very easy in terms of the script. The code and visually everything is fine. But the update is almost the same as in the beginning.
That's because I took some time to develop the sandbox mechanics which was a bit complicated at the beginning because I've never done it, also it took some time to remake the demo events, that's why there wasn't much advance to the story.

3) It’s clear that animation is done quite well in the studio. When the part about penetration comes to the plot, you can do it in the studio so that you can see how the stomach is deformed from its large size. Rather not a question, I just wrote that it is possible to do it in the studio if there is a desire.
Yes, there will be stomach deformations.

4) In the folder with pictures there are sprites with characters. It is clear that there is a description. There will only be a description of the characters or some additional pictures will be revealed during the game. It can be seen that different clothes are now unlocked as you progress through the game.
This folder is where the profile pictures are, those from the relationship menu, every time you meet a new girl, or see her wearing a new outfit, it will be added to that menu.

5) This time I played without translation. I didn't understand everything. Without spoiling it, I wonder where the game is heading? Maybe because without translation it’s not very clear to me where the plot is going.
For now, there's little to the story, but I guess I can spoil that in the next update the MC will go to school, where will be added a lot of new girls, he will also meet Melora, the succubus who appears at the end of this version, and that's when the story will really start to go forward.
 
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shynos

Member
Jul 21, 2021
344
204
View attachment 3533746

Overview:
After losing your mother, you find youself lost until your mother's best friend invite you to go live with her back in your hometown where you've been away for 6 years. There, your life will change drastically.
Thread Updated: 2024-05-03
Release Date: 2024-05-03
Developer: NaughtyVerse -
Censored: No
Version: 0.1
OS: Windows, Linux, Mac
Language: English, Brazilian Portuguese
Genre:
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Installation:
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Changelog:
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Save's from the demo version won't work.

DOWNLOAD
Win/Linux
: GDRIVE - - MEGA - - PIXELDRAIN
Mac: GDRIVE - - MEGA - - PIXELDRAIN

View attachment 3599284 View attachment 3599285 View attachment 3599287 View attachment 3599288 View attachment 3599291 View attachment 3599289


Excellent, !!!!!!!! wooow!!!!
 

mongoose003b

Newbie
Jul 9, 2018
72
49
I see that this game does have some potential and it is nice to see the dev's looking and responding to comments. We need more of that so the games we are interested can become better and tailored to the player but please try not to deviate too much from your vision of the story, otherwise, its no longer what you want it to be. You are the author, we are the viewers, take us into the world you create. But thank you for at least taking our opinions into account. Now that I have said that, there are some pro's and con's that have bugged me.

Pro's:
~Nice to see you can level up the MC a little with the physic and intelligence. I assume they will come in handy in the future. This also shows that the MC can grow, no one likes an MC who stays stagnant.
~I like that you need to work on the relationships of the female characters to increase their affection and lust. This definitely works with the sandbox angle. It's also a plus that there is no time limit to work on the relationships, that makes the player feel rushed and can result in poor choices. Not having the time limit feels like we can take our time in culturing the relationships and pursue either all or just our favorite character in a casual way.
~Another aspect that I like is having the stats, i.e. Anal/vaginal sex, creampie and foreplay. This could work with having to do certain amount of foreplay before we get to the juicy/naughty bits (sex).
~Introducing the new character, succubus, is a good cliffhanger. I can only imagine she makes a contract with MC or even finds out about something about MC's past. My first thought while I was playing, and keeping the title in mind, was that the MC is a half incubus. Example:Mother was a succubus but wanted a normal life for MC without the rules or laws of the nether realm of the succubi.

Now comes the cons. I did try to be fair about the game but I apologize, there are more cons than there were pro's.
Con's:
~The MC doesn't seem to be mourning at all. This was my biggest quirk, especially since it seems like he was close to his mother. I lost a parent when I was in high school and it was devastating. Here are some things I thought of to make it feel more like he mourned properly. Have a small time jump, keep the story thus far all the way until the a**hole leaves Kate's house, or even when he starts school, then do the time jump approximately at least 2-3 months down the road when he decides to start to continue with his life and move on. Another way would be that she didn't pass away but instead no body was found. That could work with that she was a succubus and was somehow transported back to the realm of the other succubi. You could even just skip the beginning and have the story start after he has lived with Kate and Holly for some time and Henry left. You can still add in flashbacks of the fire and the argument, but just the fact that he has shown only once or twice of any sign of mourning really made me want to just delete the game right away. The whole thing just seemed like he became unconscious for a day or two, woke up, heard his mom passed, and he just shrugged his shoulders and became a horny bastard with no thought of whats right or wrong. I would assume he had some kind of talk about the male and female anatomy.

~The physic of the MC looks absolutely horrible. Child protective services would have a field day seeing him so anemic while in his mothers care. I understand he said that he would get sick like once a week but at least he would have some kind of idea as to why or say that he was seeing a doctor about it. No parent would just let it slide if their child got sick at least once a week. There would be records of what is going on with his system. If you take him as being half incubus, that could work with him being anemic and needing other types of nutrients other than what a human body needs. Granted, I was one of the skinny ones in high school but I never saw someone that skinny unless they were starved. Also, is there a way to make him look like he isn't 40? It breaks the shota aspect, he looks like he has a constant 5 o'clock shadow.

~The professionalism of the professionals in this world is very undesirable. The police officer, that is no officer. He wouldn't barge in a patients room, report his mother is dead and the funeral was taken care of and then leave while yelling at the recruit. If it was only a day or two that he was unconscious, then the officer would have some questions right away, as well as giving sympathies, even if it wasn't sincere. Also, the funeral wouldn't have taken a day or two handled by who knows. If there was no will, then it would be next of kin, if next of kin wasn't an adult, they would notify either family members or close friends/neighbors. More likely, Kate would be the one to handle the funeral since it was said that they were close. Don't forget the funeral expenses as well, funerals aren't cheap, trust me. That could also tie into the argument with Henry and a way for them to split. Don't get me started on the doctor. Even if there was a re-pour with Kate and Olivia, she would have some kind of self control with a patient. That's her license on the line and a VERY hefty fine. I would suggest tone down the examination a little and have the MC work his way for Olivia to start being promiscuous. The nurse's character however, was perfect.

~Holly threw me in for a loop, it seemed like she was a little introverted but yet extroverted. I know you can be like that in real life but hers was a bit shocking. I would suggest 2 ways to make it more believable. When Henry and Kate start arguing, instead of Holly being quiet at first, have her go off right away. That would satisfy the extroverted part and let it be known that they seem to argue often enough for her to be sick of it. The other way is for her to stay quiet for the most part and then yell something as she runs to her room. Either way, you can still keep the dialog between Kate and Henry afterwards and it would still work. Henry's character, as much as I don't like it, actually works, and there are "fathers" that are like that. Sad as it is, but its true.

~Now, we have Kate. Not only her close friend just died a few days before but she just had another argument with her asshole of a husband, last thing she would do is even remotely seem like she is a bit interested in the MC. i.e. the long kiss on the cheek after Henry left. Even begging MC to not leave her. Kate seems to be a strong willed woman so instead of begging for MC to not leave her, she would instead insist that he needs to stay for his sake, not hers. Putting up a strong front for the kids and MC will be able to see her emotional side and comfort her. That could play into the seduction of Kate. Her acting even a little would be after she gets a whiff of his pheromones at some point (if he is a half incubus). Also, her feeling even a bit jealous seemed a little bit too soon. It might delay the naughty bits but have MC work his way into being close to Kate, Kate then feels a little something for MC since he has been there as her shoulder and even have an event where she feels a little bit of influence from his pheromones before she even starts to act a bit jealous.

~The doctor, Olivia, should be a bit toned down at first. I can understand an examination since it seems unnatural for his Johnson to so large compared to his stature but to make it seem like its a start of a porn movie right off the bat seems a bit too unnatural and rushed. This seems to be a sandbox so you have time for the relationship to develop between the MC and Olivia. With Olivia, I would imagine her lust would level up faster than the other characters and possibly one of the first to do XXX things with MC but not at the first meeting. She is still a professional doctor, that just seemed disrespectful to her profession.

~During the first meeting with Olivia, to keep it more believable, she should suggest to him to finds ways to release on his own first. Have MC try and succeed at first but later have it become harder to really do it by himself and seek help from the female characters as he is leveling up the relationships. Of course, to keep with her character, she could take Kate aside and whisper suggestions of having Kate help as well. Even have Olivia suggest that she can help if need be. That could be an open route for MC to take to satisfy the harem route.

~The leveling of the relationships seem to be the same, 1 point at a time. I would suggest have certain activities have different values according to which character he is trying to woo. Olivia would be more sexual, Kate would be more romantic, and Holly would be more sensual. Even the nurse could have a different way to woo compared to the others. What works on one may not work on another. It feels more satisfying to be able to bed each one after actually figuring out what satisfies them then just taking one simple route for all. Guys are easy to please, women aren't, I'm sure we all have had some kind of experience with that otherwise we wouldn't be on here lol. You don't need to make it too complicated but have at least let the players work a little bit before the reward.

~I know this is still in its early stages but there was one loop that felt out of place. When they were jogging in the park. It might be a little bit of work but if you could have the background loop a little bit better would feel more like they are actually jogging in the park. Not sure how you could do this but maybe have the background as is, but adding something like small bridge they go under and then the loop repeats itself, otherwise, it just feels like a gif.

I apologize if it seems like I was tearing the game apart but that was not my intention. I am a fan of the shota genre and would like to see how this story goes but I don't want to see another game fail on different aspects that could have been fixed early on. That is my two cents and you can take or leave it. Good luck on your endeavor and I'll keep an eye on this one.
 

NaughtyVerse

Newbie
Game Developer
Mar 28, 2024
31
200
I see that this game does have some potential and it is nice to see the dev's looking and responding to comments. We need more of that so the games we are interested can become better and tailored to the player but please try not to deviate too much from your vision of the story, otherwise, its no longer what you want it to be. You are the author, we are the viewers, take us into the world you create. But thank you for at least taking our opinions into account. Now that I have said that, there are some pro's and con's that have bugged me.

Pro's:
~Nice to see you can level up the MC a little with the physic and intelligence. I assume they will come in handy in the future. This also shows that the MC can grow, no one likes an MC who stays stagnant.
~I like that you need to work on the relationships of the female characters to increase their affection and lust. This definitely works with the sandbox angle. It's also a plus that there is no time limit to work on the relationships, that makes the player feel rushed and can result in poor choices. Not having the time limit feels like we can take our time in culturing the relationships and pursue either all or just our favorite character in a casual way.
~Another aspect that I like is having the stats, i.e. Anal/vaginal sex, creampie and foreplay. This could work with having to do certain amount of foreplay before we get to the juicy/naughty bits (sex).
~Introducing the new character, succubus, is a good cliffhanger. I can only imagine she makes a contract with MC or even finds out about something about MC's past. My first thought while I was playing, and keeping the title in mind, was that the MC is a half incubus. Example:Mother was a succubus but wanted a normal life for MC without the rules or laws of the nether realm of the succubi.

Now comes the cons. I did try to be fair about the game but I apologize, there are more cons than there were pro's.
Con's:
~The MC doesn't seem to be mourning at all. This was my biggest quirk, especially since it seems like he was close to his mother. I lost a parent when I was in high school and it was devastating. Here are some things I thought of to make it feel more like he mourned properly. Have a small time jump, keep the story thus far all the way until the a**hole leaves Kate's house, or even when he starts school, then do the time jump approximately at least 2-3 months down the road when he decides to start to continue with his life and move on. Another way would be that she didn't pass away but instead no body was found. That could work with that she was a succubus and was somehow transported back to the realm of the other succubi. You could even just skip the beginning and have the story start after he has lived with Kate and Holly for some time and Henry left. You can still add in flashbacks of the fire and the argument, but just the fact that he has shown only once or twice of any sign of mourning really made me want to just delete the game right away. The whole thing just seemed like he became unconscious for a day or two, woke up, heard his mom passed, and he just shrugged his shoulders and became a horny bastard with no thought of whats right or wrong. I would assume he had some kind of talk about the male and female anatomy.

~The physic of the MC looks absolutely horrible. Child protective services would have a field day seeing him so anemic while in his mothers care. I understand he said that he would get sick like once a week but at least he would have some kind of idea as to why or say that he was seeing a doctor about it. No parent would just let it slide if their child got sick at least once a week. There would be records of what is going on with his system. If you take him as being half incubus, that could work with him being anemic and needing other types of nutrients other than what a human body needs. Granted, I was one of the skinny ones in high school but I never saw someone that skinny unless they were starved. Also, is there a way to make him look like he isn't 40? It breaks the shota aspect, he looks like he has a constant 5 o'clock shadow.

~The professionalism of the professionals in this world is very undesirable. The police officer, that is no officer. He wouldn't barge in a patients room, report his mother is dead and the funeral was taken care of and then leave while yelling at the recruit. If it was only a day or two that he was unconscious, then the officer would have some questions right away, as well as giving sympathies, even if it wasn't sincere. Also, the funeral wouldn't have taken a day or two handled by who knows. If there was no will, then it would be next of kin, if next of kin wasn't an adult, they would notify either family members or close friends/neighbors. More likely, Kate would be the one to handle the funeral since it was said that they were close. Don't forget the funeral expenses as well, funerals aren't cheap, trust me. That could also tie into the argument with Henry and a way for them to split. Don't get me started on the doctor. Even if there was a re-pour with Kate and Olivia, she would have some kind of self control with a patient. That's her license on the line and a VERY hefty fine. I would suggest tone down the examination a little and have the MC work his way for Olivia to start being promiscuous. The nurse's character however, was perfect.

~Holly threw me in for a loop, it seemed like she was a little introverted but yet extroverted. I know you can be like that in real life but hers was a bit shocking. I would suggest 2 ways to make it more believable. When Henry and Kate start arguing, instead of Holly being quiet at first, have her go off right away. That would satisfy the extroverted part and let it be known that they seem to argue often enough for her to be sick of it. The other way is for her to stay quiet for the most part and then yell something as she runs to her room. Either way, you can still keep the dialog between Kate and Henry afterwards and it would still work. Henry's character, as much as I don't like it, actually works, and there are "fathers" that are like that. Sad as it is, but its true.

~Now, we have Kate. Not only her close friend just died a few days before but she just had another argument with her asshole of a husband, last thing she would do is even remotely seem like she is a bit interested in the MC. i.e. the long kiss on the cheek after Henry left. Even begging MC to not leave her. Kate seems to be a strong willed woman so instead of begging for MC to not leave her, she would instead insist that he needs to stay for his sake, not hers. Putting up a strong front for the kids and MC will be able to see her emotional side and comfort her. That could play into the seduction of Kate. Her acting even a little would be after she gets a whiff of his pheromones at some point (if he is a half incubus). Also, her feeling even a bit jealous seemed a little bit too soon. It might delay the naughty bits but have MC work his way into being close to Kate, Kate then feels a little something for MC since he has been there as her shoulder and even have an event where she feels a little bit of influence from his pheromones before she even starts to act a bit jealous.

~The doctor, Olivia, should be a bit toned down at first. I can understand an examination since it seems unnatural for his Johnson to so large compared to his stature but to make it seem like its a start of a porn movie right off the bat seems a bit too unnatural and rushed. This seems to be a sandbox so you have time for the relationship to develop between the MC and Olivia. With Olivia, I would imagine her lust would level up faster than the other characters and possibly one of the first to do XXX things with MC but not at the first meeting. She is still a professional doctor, that just seemed disrespectful to her profession.

~During the first meeting with Olivia, to keep it more believable, she should suggest to him to finds ways to release on his own first. Have MC try and succeed at first but later have it become harder to really do it by himself and seek help from the female characters as he is leveling up the relationships. Of course, to keep with her character, she could take Kate aside and whisper suggestions of having Kate help as well. Even have Olivia suggest that she can help if need be. That could be an open route for MC to take to satisfy the harem route.

~The leveling of the relationships seem to be the same, 1 point at a time. I would suggest have certain activities have different values according to which character he is trying to woo. Olivia would be more sexual, Kate would be more romantic, and Holly would be more sensual. Even the nurse could have a different way to woo compared to the others. What works on one may not work on another. It feels more satisfying to be able to bed each one after actually figuring out what satisfies them then just taking one simple route for all. Guys are easy to please, women aren't, I'm sure we all have had some kind of experience with that otherwise we wouldn't be on here lol. You don't need to make it too complicated but have at least let the players work a little bit before the reward.

~I know this is still in its early stages but there was one loop that felt out of place. When they were jogging in the park. It might be a little bit of work but if you could have the background loop a little bit better would feel more like they are actually jogging in the park. Not sure how you could do this but maybe have the background as is, but adding something like small bridge they go under and then the loop repeats itself, otherwise, it just feels like a gif.

I apologize if it seems like I was tearing the game apart but that was not my intention. I am a fan of the shota genre and would like to see how this story goes but I don't want to see another game fail on different aspects that could have been fixed early on. That is my two cents and you can take or leave it. Good luck on your endeavor and I'll keep an eye on this one.
Thanks for the feedback!

Some of the con's you mentioned will be approached in future versions, I won't spoil anything for now, but some of those were there for a reason.

I'll keep in mind all of your suggestions, thanks again!
 
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shynos

Member
Jul 21, 2021
344
204
Wow!!!! , I love that beginning, it has a lot of potential, this game has incest and for me it is the best, I hope you continue like this, very good for you
 
4.70 star(s) 3 Votes