VN Ren'Py Natsumi Love Story [v0.4.6] [Steradianfauns]

[Simulacrum29]

2) Please make it so that on the harem route MC is the one that wants Harem and not Natsumi, even if she agrees to it on the harem route, so that then this:
Will make complete sense, since she wasn't enough for him alone, and this will enhance specifically the strength of the solo-route. I am not saying - make her miserable on harem route, maybe she enjoys hooking up with other women as well, just please don't make it her initiative, otherwise on solo route it will feel like we are denying her something she wants.

this would completely defeat the need for a harem-route
the Harem Route shouldn't be the ugly step-sibling of the solo route. They can both be Happy endings, the only thing that needs to change is the fucking marriage.

 

[Kadajko]

this would completely defeat the need for a harem-route
the Harem Route shouldn't be the ugly step-sibling of the solo route. They can both be Happy endings, the only thing that needs to change is the fucking marriage.

Perhaps I worded it a bit poorly. Basically I want Natsumi to have a schrödinger persona, because the same person can't be madly in love with only one person and not want to share them with anyone AND be ok with a harem at the same time. I want a Natsumi who is possessive and monogamous, you want a Natsumi who is ok with being in a harem, what I am saying is - she should not herself show that she is ok with a harem before MC chooses which route he wants to go on, because if she says that she is ok with being in a harem as a person - then that kills her character for me on a solo route.

MAYBE - that choice you make in a scene in bed about her being a yandere could be the trigger - if she is more stable she accepts harem, if she is a yandere then solo only route.

Otherwise absolutely yes, both routes should be happy, I personally don't care at all about harem, so you give your own feedback on that, I am not getting involved with feedback on that.

 

[Simulacrum29]

Perhaps I worded it a bit poorly. Basically I want Natsumi to have a schrödinger persona, because the same person can't be madly in love with only one person and not want to share them with anyone AND be ok with a harem at the same time. I want a Natsumi who is possessive and monogamous, you want a Natsumi who is ok with being in a harem, what I am saying is - she should not herself show that she is ok with a harem before MC chooses which route he wants to go on, because if she says that she is ok with being in a harem as a person - then that kills her character for me on a solo route.

MAYBE - that choice you make in a scene in bed about her being a yandere could be the trigger - if she is more stable she accepts harem, if she is a yandere then solo only route.

Otherwise absolutely yes, both routes should be happy, I personally don't care at all about harem, so you give your own feedback on that, I am not getting involved with feedback on that.

That would be a reasonable approach.
Like I said earlier, the first split: Harem Yes/No, and the second split: Yandere Yes/No, don't need to be more complicated.

 

[Porthas]

Let me clarify a bit about the dating sim that I'm thinking. It's basically inspired from Happiness Double Room
It won't be a too grindy and lengthy sandbox. Basically you can explore the house and some area of the school in between the chapters, and interact with the characters, see what they say about the current chapters.

If you want to move forward with the chapters, simply talk to Natsumi or other character depending on whose chapter it is. A button to jump straight to the characters will also be available so you don't need to spend too much trying to find them.

Other than that, you can talk, flirt, pat, hug, kiss, or fuck Natsumi, and the others depending on which route you'll be taking. Or you can make Natsumi so horny her yandere side comes out and jumps on you. The stats will be just some kind of a score that won't affect the gameplay, like the indicator at sex chapter only.

And the current UI will be turned into a replay gallery. That's it.

If you're taking feedback on the sandbox thing - nix the sandbox.

A sandbox is handy for stuff like Skyrim. It's a world you want to immerse yourself into.

A sandbox is useless for a VN. I don't want to explore a house. It's just a house. I don't want repeatable scenes. Repeatable scenes are just cheap stand-ins for actual story content that progresses a story. Grind is for RPG's and most of them fail at it because they haven't figured out a way to make it fun.

VN's are like story books that can have alternate storylines. Back in the old days before they existed it was "choose your own adventure" story books.

I'm not sure what's going on with the "marriage" scene at the end of the "harem" route but I'm not into girl-on-girl stuff and I don't see any plausible reason for a (lesbian?) faux marriage. It has to make some kind of story sense. These days common law marriages are common as are civil unions.

Again just my two cents and feedback if you're interested.

 

[Cocona]

see i don't even have a problem if Risa is not a virgin she is together with her boyfriend, If dev said they had sex ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
If dev said the had not even better (I like virgins, but its by no means requiered)

But to marry a Harem member to someone else is bullshit. Harem members should be cherished, protected, nurtured, and loved. All of that will be legally hindered, by the marriage.

The explanation is bullshit, and the technicalities surrounding it are even more bullshit.

If Natsumi gives Birth to MCs kid no one would bat an eye if he would accompany her into the delivery room. All they need to say is the dad is no longer in the picture and MC is there to support his sis in her time of need. And MC can adopt the kid right out of the gate.

If she is Married everyone and their mother would want to know why the Brother is there because it is frankly non of his business, everybody would jump on them if MC would adopt the kid if that is even possible, I mean the kid has already two loving parents in a stable marriage.

I know the whole shitshow started as NTR Bait (By the way I'm still laughing years later, it is so unbelievably funny). But it would complicate the lives of both of them needlessly. Because beyond the shock value there were no deeper thoughts in that Idea.

You want to make Natsumi's husband out of the picture?
You need to call him

Spoiler: Truck-kun

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[telefonomusica]

see i don't even have a problem if Risa is not a virgin she is together with her boyfriend, If dev said they had sex ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
If dev said the had not even better (I like virgins, but its by no means requiered)

But to marry a Harem member to someone else is bullshit. Harem members should be cherished, protected, nurtured, and loved. All of that will be legally hindered, by the marriage.

The explanation is bullshit, and the technicalities surrounding it are even more bullshit.

If Natsumi gives Birth to MCs kid no one would bat an eye if he would accompany her into the delivery room. All they need to say is the dad is no longer in the picture and MC is there to support his sis in her time of need. And MC can adopt the kid right out of the gate.

If she is Married everyone and their mother would want to know why the Brother is there because it is frankly non of his business, everybody would jump on them if MC would adopt the kid if that is even possible, I mean the kid has already two loving parents in a stable marriage.

I know the whole shitshow started as NTR Bait (By the way I'm still laughing years later, it is so unbelievably funny). But it would complicate the lives of both of them needlessly. Because beyond the shock value there were no deeper thoughts in that Idea.

As I already explained the virginity thing is a problem of timeframe, the way the game is presented the sex happens off screen but still in the game, we are shown the meeting so anything after is part of the game, she is also shown as a LI already, so any sexual interaction with someone that is not MC is NTR, the problem is not the virginity, it is when she loses it, because it happens in the timeframe of the game, it also does not fit the teme because

Spoiler

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the dev is already willing to fix it but that does not mean it was not NTR before, the remake would be the perfect way to just remove the problem but that is up to the dev, the way she is written she already seems in denaial, so it would actually take more effort to make her not seem that than to just admit she is in denaial, I already talked about it but apparently peaple still do not understand the concept I am trying to express, the entire thing is easyly avoidable by just making her a virgin and in denaial but making her a virgin is enough to not make it NTR, some peaple could argue that she has a boyfriend but that is meaningless because she is already shown as in love with MC, she is a LI, so any sexual interaction with other peaple is NTR.

 

[bl00gs]

Alright guys, calm down.

TLDR: I'll make Risa's virginity an option.

I've been thinking about it, in the original storyline it was decided she wasn't a virgin, cause mc has sex with natsumi, why can't she has sex with her boyfriend. But then again some people made good points. I just never expected that some would be attached more attached to Risa than I expected to when she's still barely in the game.

Also, originally her being not a virgin was one of the thing that would be discussed between her, mc, and natsumi in Risa's chapter. And after you guys made good points about her virginity, I've been thinking how to write another discussion between the three characters that would still makes sense on her arc. And I just came up with one yesterday, it wasn't as fleshed out as the other one, but it's a start, so I think both option can be implemented.

The discussion between them obviously will be different, but it's still up to each players which one will be canon.

Also, just to make it clear, Risa and MC was never in a relationship, so there was no breakup. They were good friends, went on some dates, but Risa turn down MC's confession in the end. So Risa wasn't in love with MC, not yet anyway. And MC has totally move on from Risa to Natsumi, even before Natsumi jumped MC at the entrance.

If you want to know more about her storyline that you can kind of deduce from the subtext of the released version, here it is, spoiler alert.

She's basically conflicted, tired, and confused, she had a lot on her plates with school, housework, work, and her boyfriend. It's why she fantasize about MC on the extra chapter. It wasn't that she's in love with MC, she's fantasizing about a healthy relationship where she feels loved, and that's what she actually saw when she's looking at MC and Natsumi having sex, but since her mind is all over the place, she became confused. Especially during masturbation, I think it's harder for some people to think straight when they're horny.

Her boyfriend is one of those kind that seemed good when they're only dating but turn out to be controlling, and mentally abusive after they're in a relationship. And Risa is one of those kind that makes you wonder why the hell do they choose to stay in an abusive relationship.

And her storyline will basically talks about those stuff, how her bf changes (or showing his trueself), why she stays in the relationship, how mc and natsumi helps her get out of the relationship, and how eventually she joins the harem. Also delves into their past a little bit more, like why she choose her bf and not mc. But it won't be like Risa realize she's been in love with MC all along, or Risa falls in love with MC's dick cause it's better or bigger (if you choose the non virgin), or Risa falls in love with MC cause of the sex (if she's a virgin).


Also, regarding the realism in the game. It's true, that players want to play games to escape reality that's sucks. But I guess I just like adding realism to my writing so it feels more immersive(?) I don't know what's the word for it, but basically I still want the player to escape from reality, but into a better reality, so it's not like the player goes into a game where logic can be freely ignored.

completly a month late , but reading this and playing the game? even if she dosnt fall in love with us , i hope we help the poor girl she needs help

 

[Raziel_8]

Honestly i find the whole idea that you make the main LI, which is a Yandere, going 'well yeah i also like girls' already beyond ridiculous...i mean it just makes no sense with a Yandere.

But marrying of the Yandere Main LI, to someone else, even if it's just a girl of the harem...seriously, that's probably one of the worst story developments in a romance game i have read so far...
If anyone marry's Natsumi it should obviously the MC and only him, be it the harem path or Natsumi path.
Not like there is even a need for marriage in this day and age, or you can have an unofficial ceremony and it's not like there are no other countries where it's legal, or make one up
I mean, walking the girl you love above all else to the altar and marry her off... that's pretty much the ultimate humiliation and cuck expirience...

But from what i gather this harem path sounds just like an other poly lesbian fuckfest. If so, i already lost any interest in that path to be honest.
At least give us a choice if the player is ok if the girls are involved with each other...it's not like harem fans in general are all interested in lesbian content, or sharing their LI's with each other. My Dorm for example, shows how it's done right, including player choice.

I don't see a problem with the blackmail story, nor Risa being virgin or not. That she choosed and stays with that prick of a bf makes her not really sympathetic to me though, but most aggravating thing is this marriage and making Natsumi bi...

Edit: Than there is the whole pregnancy thing...with the MC and Natsumi going at it like a dozen times a day, you would expect her being pregnant soon.
But that marriage is 11 years later...so either one or both of them are infertile, or she has a bunch of kids already, which makes this whole marriage with someone else even more absurd.

 

[BTLD]

Honestly i find the whole idea that you make the main LI, which is a Yandere, going 'well yeah i also like girls' already beyond ridiculous...i mean it just makes no sense with a Yandere.

But marrying of the Yandere Main LI, to someone else, even if it's just a girl of the harem...seriously, that's probably one of the worst story developments in a romance game i have read so far...
If anyone marry's Natsumi it should obviously the MC and only him, be it the harem path or Natsumi path.
Not like there is even a need for marriage in this day and age, or you can have an unofficial ceremony and it's not like there are no other countries where it's legal, or make one up
I mean, walking the girl you love above all else to the altar and marry her off... that's pretty much the ultimate humiliation and cuck expirience...

But from what i gather this harem path sounds just like an other poly lesbian fuckfest. If so, i already lost any interest in that path to be honest.
At least give us a choice if the player is ok if the girls are involved with each other...it's not like harem fans in general are all interested in lesbian content, or sharing their LI's with each other. My Dorm for example, shows how it's done right, including player choice.

That she choosed and stays with that prick of a bf makes her not really sympathetic to me though, but most aggravating thing is this marriage and making Natsumi bi...

both those quotes, 110%, I agree completely, exactly!

I don't see a problem with the blackmail story, nor Risa being virgin or not.

it wouldn't be a problem, if it weren't so much delved into, for a dev that says "I don't like NTR" he sure does throws it in your face, A LOT, 4 chapters where that happens?.... I mean.. come on...

 

[Raziel_8]

it wouldn't be a problem, if it weren't so much delved into, for a dev that says "I don't like NTR" he sure does throws it in your face, A LOT, 4 chapters where that happens?.... I mean.. come on...

Yes, not disagreeing with you on that. I could have done without this blackmail chapter, althought i found the resolution amusing. But yeah, definitely enough time spend with that content.

 

[cebs]

Android port updated​

 

[S1nsational]

How does this game work exactly?

It starts in the present, and then you play through the past, but what's the point if everything is already locked in stone?

 

[VaerShyr]

The game was fun. A fair few typos, but nothing egregious. I enjoyed watching blackmail-kun get punished HARD. Though I am a little disappointed that the MC and Natsumi didn't get to use the aphrodisiac. I understand why, but I think yandere-drugged Natsumi could have been very fun to watch. I do think the next chapter should probably start to make progress towards starting the harem, because at this point I feel you're starting to run the risk of the sex scenes getting stale without something to spice things up. The little introductions of fetishes help out with that for sure, I just think if you're going to have a harem or harem elements, it's about time to start introducing that. All in all I enjoyed the game, thanks for your hard work.

 

[Virulenz]

Basically I want Natsumi to have a schrödinger persona, because the same person can't be madly in love with only one person and not want to share them with anyone AND be ok with a harem at the same time.

Wrong. You cant be totally okay or even enjoy having sex with others and let your partner do the same and still be fuckung obsessend and become murderous crazy if there are any feelings involved. But in this case you would prefer to kill instead of allow the marriage

 

[Soulpuppet]

The whole marriage to another girl in the harem needs to go. She's a Yandere. She would never be interested in anyone but the MC. I think this is completely stupid. If you remove that marriage shit or make it to the MC then we'll have a good game. Until then I think I'll just keep my eye on this one, if it doesn't change I guess I'll skip.

 

[Virulenz]

The wedding at the start will be a daydream, and the future scene with Yui will be a dream, both only come true if you go through the Harem Route.

Maybe you should just think about making the whole marriage optional since most people with a "power fantasy" harem would only marry their favorite (even if its the sister) and noone with a romantic harem would ever marry one of them (would destroy the equality). There is no culture on this planet that needs people to be married to live together, especially if more than 2 people want to live together. A shared house is a much better cover than fake marriages, especially if you meet outside and people think you cheat on your marriage partners.
So if you end the marriage scene you finally tuned down from fact to dream with a choice like "strange dream, felt so real" and "what a fucking nightmare" players can choose if they want a pragmatic or a happy end (your main girl marry anyone else is under no circumstances a happy end, but everyone staying together on an equal level without marriage is one)

 

[GrogGuy]

Don't mind me lol. Just seemed fitting.

 

[preskerd]

Alright I'll explain a little bit.

Since this is my first writing that's turned into a VN, I can see that I have still much to learn.
This story at first is a love story just between the brother and the sister, that's why there's a whole 4 chapters focused on them while the other girls are just introduced or barely mentioned.
But before I decided to turn this into a VN, I researched on a bunch of VN that made lots of money, and I'll be lying if money isn't my goal in making this. And for all of the VN that I researched, they're all harems, so I figured that must be where the money is. Hence I add more girls to Natsumi Love Story and turned into a harem.

And then I was adamant on making this a linear story because that's what I usually written. And I did say that this will be just like reading a doujinshi. But I guess I didn't know that in VN, players is much more likely to self-insert and will want to make their own decision rather than just reading. So that's my mistake. And now I'm much better at writing a multiple routes story thanks to Pan Hero.

So here's my decision after doing some thinking and exploring the storylines in my head. The game will be remade, into something like a small dating sim, and optional grinding. But the story content is still the same, just the mechanics that are remade. There will be three routes, at least for now.
1. Harem Route, or what I originally plan.
2. Natsumi Route, where you just be with Natsumi
3. True Yandere Route, where Natsumi turns into the True Yandere.

Both 1 and 2 are happy ending, while 3 are just typical bleak yandere ending.

And the fight against NTR will also be made optional, since what caused it was someone peeking through the window, it'll be pretty simple to prevent that.
The wedding at the start will be a daydream, and the future scene with Yui will be a dream, both only come true if you go through the Harem Route.

The remade itself shouldn't take long, since I can just use the same mechanics in Pan Hero and apply it to this.

Oh and pregnancy will also be in the game, but it'll be somewhat a small ending on it's own.

Dude people only will be happy if you let us marry Natsumi and don't let her marry another girl from our harem. Also don't bs something like that 'Muh japan incest not allowed!'. Yeah no shit. But you are the story writer. You can easily say 'In Japan all marriages legalized with a policy change!' and be done with it. Hell the game currently I'm playing exactly did that. In the story there was even protest about the law the government passed which legalize every adult marriage but in the end it passed. Also it's funny that you are looking for 'realism' in a fantasy incest themed harem game... If you say 'what about the non-incest version?' well make Natsumi a step-sister mc hasn't see for a long time. Or simply make her roommate. Like literally every other incest games on patreon. Easy peasy. You are the one who holds all the horses. Be creative and think hard. Why would any one of the players wants Natsumi to marry with another chick rather than mc. And why do you insist on something your players clearly wouldn't like? Let us marry Natsumi in the wedding scene or if you are so against natsumi marrying mc then don't make Natsumi marry the other chick legally and don't let mc marry Yui legally. Make them all marry mc illegaly and be done with it. That's how harem goes. Natsumi marrying another person (even tho if the girl is in harem) doesn't suit harem setting at all. It would be stupid. Sorry but not sorry. Also before you say anything: I fuckin love girl on girl scenes especially if it's between harem members. So don't think like I'm saying this because I hate lesbian scenes. On the contrary I love it. Make lots of them please. Threesome s or girl on girls I don't care. I love it all. I just think marrying Natsumi with another person sounds stupid and most of the audience would disslike it. Again I just don't think it fits with the harem settings and harem ending. If anyone would marry the best girl(almost second protagonist in this game), it's supposed to be us which is mc. Legally or not legally doesn't matter. Otherwise it will break the fantasy

 

[ThaDude1977]

Dude people only will be happy if you let us marry Natsumi and don't let her marry another girl from our harem. Also don't bs something like that 'Muh japan incest not allowed!'. Yeah no shit. But you are the story writer. You can easily say 'In Japan all marriages legalized with a policy change!' and be done with it. Hell the game currently I'm playing exactly did that. In the story there was even protest about the law the government passed which legalize every adult marriage but in the end it passed. Also it's funny that you are looking for 'realism' in a fantasy incest themed harem game... If you say 'what about the non-incest version?' well make Natsumi a step-sister mc hasn't see for a long time. Or simply make her roommate. Like literally every other incest games on patreon. Easy peasy. You are the one who holds all the horses. Be creative and think hard. Why would any one of the players wants Natsumi to marry with another chick rather than mc. And why do you insist on something your players clearly wouldn't like? Let us marry Natsumi in the wedding scene or if you are so against natsumi marrying mc then don't make Natsumi marry the other chick legally and don't let mc marry Yui legally. Make them all marry mc illegaly and be done with it. That's how harem goes. Natsumi marrying another person (even tho if the girl is in harem) doesn't suit harem setting at all. It would be stupid. Sorry but not sorry. Also before you say anything: I fuckin love girl on girl scenes especially if it's between harem members. So don't think like I'm saying this because I hate lesbian scenes. On the contrary I love it. Make lots of them please. Threesome s or girl on girls I don't care. I love it all. I just think marrying Natsumi with another person sounds stupid and most of the audience would disslike it. Again I just don't think it fits with the harem settings and harem ending. If anyone would marry the best girl(almost second protagonist in this game), it's supposed to be us which is mc. Legally or not legally doesn't matter. Otherwise it will break the fantasy

I would like to add to this. Just have Natsumi marry MC it happens all the time in VN's. Just make the wedding thing a dream period and never come true also dream about yui just a dream or heck just cut those parts out would be better. Also i hate sandbox stick with the VN. If you just cut those scenes out and have MC marry Natsumi everybody would be happy and less work for you. Also just forget about the NTR all together that was a bad idea in a harem incest story.

 

[BTLD]

dude is still marying main LI to another chick?
also I reckon there's still "no NTR" but "fight against NTR" ?
))
right I just remembered... this is the VN with the YANNDERE main LII that shares her lover... HAHAHHA...
right..
well gl