VN Ren'Py New Year's Day(e) [Ch. 4 v0.4.1] [Jonesy]

[*Jonesy*]

Alright I just finished all the current content. Really like the characters and world you have built dev. Great job!
There are some nitpicks or "feedback" as some call it though.
We later find out that MC and Bex have been hooking up since they were young but the MC acts like it's the first time he's ever been with Bex when his wife brings her in for his birthday celebration. I realize you have stated that you are writing down the story as it comes but consistency is important.
Another thing is MC states he was with Mia for years and went straight from her to Heather. When were these hookups occurring? Like the one when he came home from college?
Was he on break from Mia that much?
Then another thing with Bex is MC was all concerned about telling her about what was going on with his stepkids. Then they all come into a restaurant and kiss him and it is never directly addressed between Bex and the MC. She just knows about it and is totally cool.
Even if you assume they told her that day (Even though I could've swore dad told them to keep it quiet for a bit) the fact that she never brings it up to the MC makes no sense at all.
Then there is the pretty obvious revelation about who Heather is and its implications about her daughters. Is that going to be addressed or did that choice you make with Kaylee cut that off if you chose the adopt answer?
Finally there is the situation with Portia. It's your story but to me it was a very unwelcome tonal shift in the story so far. Yes there had already been some themes of loss but to me it was mostly upbeat and hopeful but then that crap is revealed and right after a great scene which spoils the mood.
Worse it takes place in the same place on the same table where the romantic climax of the first game occurred.
No offense but what the hell dude lol?
That totally spoils the vibe of the first game taints its memories and no having the characters speak about this very topic doesn't make it better at least IMO.
I think it was a mistake. If you were determined to have the Portia maguffin play out like that you could've put it anywhere else and delivered the tape to the MC in some other way. This is just my personal opinion and not a real critique of the quality of the writing like the stuff above.
One last thing is that while the scenes were great I personally hate missing content behind a choice like we did in the final scenes of chapter 4. I don't know how many if anybody else would agree with me but I hope that won't become a common thing going forward.
It's made worse because you nailed those scenes dude. Like wow good work! I really don't wanna have to miss shit going forward.
Please take all this from a place a admiration and respect man. I totally dig your games and stories you are telling to the point I binged through all the content over these last couple days! I still need to check out Siren song but I figured after reading the synopsis that Charlotte is from that game. I like how you've got your own narrative universe developing.
If I seem nitpicky its because I got so engrossed in the story I notice details and trust me I've been reading AVN's for a long time and most are forgettable to me. I wish I had the talent to pull off what you've done here so I can't really praise you any higher.
Thanks for your hard work!

I appreciate the feedback. I understand most of your objections/qualms/comments. I'd encourage you to head over to my

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and check out the "Meet the Characters" thread on the NYD server. It explains the backstories of some of the characters better than I've been able to in the story itself. This may or may not satisfy some of your questions about timelines, relationships, etc. In my mind the math "maths", but it's a pretty convoluted storyline, so it may not make much sense to anyone but me. The answers to a couple of your questions will be answered in chapter 5, which I'm working on right now.

Thanks again. I'm glad you're enjoying things so far. I hope you check out Siren Song. It's shaping up to be a pretty good AVN.

 

[Xythurr]

I appreciate the feedback. I understand most of your objections/qualms/comments. I'd encourage you to head over to my

You must be registered to see the links

and check out the "Meet the Characters" thread on the NYD server. It explains the backstories of some of the characters better than I've been able to in the story itself. This may or may not satisfy some of your questions about timelines, relationships, etc. In my mind the math "maths", but it's a pretty convoluted storyline, so it may not make much sense to anyone but me. The answers to a couple of your questions will be answered in chapter 5, which I'm working on right now.

Thanks again. I'm glad you're enjoying things so far. I hope you check out Siren Song. It's shaping up to be a pretty good AVN.

I tried using the enlarge text keyboard function so I could actually read a character bio and it's not really working out for me. Do mind pointing out the Discord function that makes the bios readable?
Thanks.

 

[*Jonesy*]

I tried using the enlarge text keyboard function so I could actually read a character bio and it's not really working out for me. Do mind pointing out the Discord function that makes the bios readable?
Thanks.

It's not very intuitive, but you have to right click and click "open Link". Then you can enlarge it to human eyesight level.

 

[Xythurr]

It's not very intuitive, but you have to right click and click "open Link". Then you can enlarge it to human eyesight level.

Thanks! I just was about to come on here and report that I finally figured it out. So far what I've read is interesting and it's really cool how you've fleshed out your characters so much.
I don't know how/easy hard it would be but I've seen a few games with character bios and if you could basically copy all the info from Disc into a bio screen in the game I think a lot of people would dig it.

 

[*Jonesy*]

Thanks! I just was about to come on here and report that I finally figured it out. So far what I've read is interesting and it's really cool how you've fleshed out your characters so much.
I don't know how/easy hard it would be but I've seen a few games with character bios and if you could basically copy all the info from Disc into a bio screen in the game I think a lot of people would dig it.

I'm working on it. It is basically the same type of coding as a gallery would be, and I haven't figured that out yet. I eventually want to add both.