Again, as I said, it's why I recommend sites like RoyalRoad and Itchi for the sake of focusing on the writing aspect. While it may be true that particular erotica needs tension, it does NOT require this much tension or horror. As someone who's also written my fair share of works in the past, I can say that if one is trying to advertise this as PORN, then they should have more content that IS porn rather than merely putting out a novel for the sake of trying to get their first work out. It's dishonest and doesn't do well to build up trust with future readers as they'll start to view all future projects this individual does as being similar and you'd get more people disinterested than you would interested.
Instead, suppose one is to focus on the literary aspect. In that case, one should do JUST that and not shift it into something that is viewed as being erotica but is a very dull erotica at that when compared to others that... while not good gameplay-wise, are certainly able to keep and retain attention due in part to the amount of porn they add to their VN, as opposed to this piece. Which seems to focus more on the narrative then it does the porn... which they're trying to advertise to gain monetary support for. You don't see H-Artists focusing on non-Hentai works, as they know where their money comes from. Sex sells, and if there's not a lot of sex, how do you sell?
Now, I will say if this is a first attempt, I applaud it and hope they continue to write, improve, and create more stories as it's a good first attempt, like really good. But saying that, I do think there should be a clear separation for the next outing, as even many of the new reviews lately have thus far also highlighted this. Cause they're downloading a 7.8g game hoping for some fun, kinky porn, not 1.2g of porn, while the remaining 6.6g is all story XD.
Essentially, one must know their audience and craft something around it while still maintaining the same degree of creativity that drives the writer's passion.
