- May 15, 2019
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Awesome signature! Surprise, surprise, it's another Sasha one lol. Thank you, Lady Aspen. I'll add it to the OP
- Feb 19, 2019
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- Dec 7, 2019
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- Mar 15, 2020
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help what???Just go into your game folder then images and find 1234.png
help Finnish of the job
- Dec 7, 2019
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Whatever they're doing whilst playing that particular game scene without an ending I am guessing......
I understand the importance in establishing the relationship dynamic, but it just didn't feel like a lot actually happened in this update (I may be alone in this, but that was just how it felt to me).
As I mentioned previously (but poorly), the transition from the previous update was incredibly abrupt and jarring (I guess it had more of an episodic feeling as opposed to a flowing story, but no clear delineation as such). The line:
"More time passes after Sasha's play, but there's still no word on the modelling contract."
is just far too vague and uninformative. I feel that it would be better if there was a distinction as to (roughly) how much time has passed and a brief narrative of what's occurred during that time if you don't feel it's necessary to actually depict it (e.g. Sabrina has been staying with you since you got back, how the relationships with the girls have been going - if they've cooled off/stalled a bit, there's an awkward tension, etc.).
- May 15, 2019
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I don't think it's necessary to explain what happened over a few days or a week because nothing important happened, just the usual. No need to waste time describing mundane things.
"Paris went to the mall 3 days ago and bought new clothes. Miracle got a new book with her. Sasha is still practicing hard for her upcoming audition, etc."
If it doesn't add up the story, it's not needed. Most writers live by that rule =]
Considering that the MC has just started a physical relationship with Paris and that they live together, it's rather surprising that nothing at all would happen between them in the space of a few days or a week. Did they decide to slow things down rather than go full blown discovery channel?
The fact that Sabrina is staying with you is an important piece of information. The MC (who is essentially the players avatar in the game) would obviously know this fact, but we find out by surprise.
After how things ended in the previous update, how is the relationship with Sasha? Are they pretending it didn't happen? Is it awkward?
I'm not saying to write a bunch of mundane crap, but things that the player will naturally have an interested in (e.g. state of relationships) and key pieces of information (e.g. Sabrina is essentially living with you at the moment) are worth addressing. I'm also not saying it requires an in depth exposition, but a few brief sentences that will cover what occurred during the time skip.
Most successful writers/authors also tend to find the flow of a story to be incredibly important.
- May 15, 2019
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This update was focused on Sabrina, so all the details about the other girls will be given when they're the focus like Miracle and Sasha next update. And Sabrina isn't living in the house, she was just there like always, otherwise I would've stated she moved in. That's obviously a big deal. Besides, she's living in the school dorms, remember?
And the flow of the story is obviously important. There are many different styles and ways to tell a story. My way just isn't your preference it looks like lol. But it's fine, as I've explained why I do it the way i do. I like to focus the details on whichever girls are featured for the update.
Sabrina clearly stayed for one night at the very least.
Again. I wasn't saying you need to go into great detail about the other characters, but if you're going to have a time skip (especially given recent events between certain characters) then there needs to be at least a brief synopsis of what occurred between them in that period of time. Just because one of the characters is the (main) focus of an update it doesn't mean that the others magically cease to exist. A few brief sentences to tie things together wouldn't kill you.
I suppose that trying to give constructive criticism was foolish of me, as you're the "SuperWriter". My apologies.
- May 15, 2019
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Sabrina has been close to the family for a decade and they already looked at her like a sister, so it wouldn't be strange for her to have sleepovers with Miracle, right?
But no need to get snippy lol. I'll take what you said into consideration. Thank you =]
- Mar 20, 2018
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To be honest, it is really hard to tell how much time has passed from the beginning of the game. I don't think summaries of what happened in between are necessary, though. A simple black screen with "X days later" on it between chapters could help a lot.
Maybe I was reading too much into your responses. It seemed like you were being dismissive and given your name, it's easy to surmise that it may have been an ego thing. If that's not the case then I truly do apologize.
- May 15, 2019
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I could mention how many specific days pass, but it's a lot easier to tell the story being a bit vague. if a large amount of time passes then obviously I would mention that though.
The name SuperWriter isn't about me being cocky. It's to hold myself to the highest standard possible. If a guy calls himself SuperWriter, he damn sure better be a good one lol. I'm up to the challenge =]
Thread is missing the urination tag. I saw a few mistakes in the dialouge like using racquet instead of racket but other then that it was a pretty good update.
- Aug 31, 2019
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Here is a walkthrough I made for this game. As always I would like to thank my mentor Qleaf for all his help in teaching me. If the in game mod is more your speed OscarSix has also done an in game walkthough and his work is excellent. I know some prefer one and some prefer the other. So enjoy the walkthrough!
Edit: Updated to v1.0
If you would like to support me you can find this and all of my other content here:
Or you can:
Edit: Updated to v1.0
If you would like to support me you can find this and all of my other content here:
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Last edited:
- Apr 15, 2018
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And there is something extremely wrong about Sasha's costume during the play, meaning, how her sleeve defies gravity.
- Dec 19, 2019
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Don't mess with my Sasha!
She's frighteningly wonderful with or without lashes.
- Dec 19, 2019
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You're absolutely right!
Her whole purpose is to defy gravity and make me space walk to her and rest my weary head on her soft bosom.
Sigh! Sweet soft bosom.