VN Ren'Py Raptus [Ep.9 P3 v1.2] [RedStarStudios by Infros]

[Phegor]

I like the concept, but the game is in a rough state right now. The most important things holding it back are:
1. Subpar English. Definitely get someone to proof-read everything.
2. It's impossible to distingush between character thoughts and speech. Usually in visual novels and similar, italics denote character's thoughts so I'd suggest doing that.
3. The game is going for a dark tone, but characters act in very illogical manner, destroying all believability and tension. Some examples: the mother doesn't want to buy wine because her husband was an alcoholic (very reasonable stance). But two sentences from the protagonist later and she buys the god damn wine. Come on, people aren't that spineless. I think you're trying to portray protagonist's mom as feeling guilty but you have to give her some backbone, she needs to disagree sometimes or the game will be boring.
4. Very minor but why is the text displayed like this
mom: wordswordswords
instead of the classic
Mom
wordswordswords
This makes the history page look like crap and drives me crazy.

EDIT: Another thing, the blinking cursor at the end. It sometimes appears, and sometimes it doesn't. Now that is extremely annoying. Just remove it.

 

[Zenithtb]

mom: wordswordswords
instead of the classic
Mom
wordswordswords
This makes the history page look like crap and drives me crazy.

Edit: I misunderstood your comment. Apologies! However I would also like to add what I said in any case.

Ignoring the rest of your comment (which I agree with but I am not the person who should reply to it), this one really bugs me.

You need to enter 'mom' / 'mum' / whatever, else when the word appears in the middle of the sentence it will appear weird.

However if you do that, the game fails to capitalise it for the start of sentences / name boxes.

May I recommend this page for RSSINFRos -

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or

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You could have 'll' for storing 'mum', and 'Ll' and store 'Mum' there, and bing bang boom, easy life and good looking sentences.

----

But yeah, the game could use a good polish by a proofreader.

 

[ramossi_0007]

Oh my god....this is some fucked up game hahahahaha jeez what have i fapped to just now

 

[Ap0state]

My parents are Muslim, but I'm born and I grew up in Italy so religion wasn't a big part of my life, I'd consider myself Agnostic. Most people in my life don't know what I do and I sure wouldn't expect them to understand it or accept it, my parents still think I spend my life playing Counter Strike and screaming to Russian kids lol, I think I will start talking about this with people close to me when I will be able to sustain a normal life doing it, it may never happen but I really hope it will.

I haven't been here for a while now I missing out. Thanks for sharing btw, good to know.

 

[RSSINFRos]

I like the concept, but the game is in a rough state right now. The most important things holding it back are:
1. Subpar English. Definitely get someone to proof-read everything.
2. It's impossible to distingush between character thoughts and speech. Usually in visual novels and similar, italics denote character's thoughts so I'd suggest doing that.
3. The game is going for a dark tone, but characters act in very illogical manner, destroying all believability and tension. Some examples: the mother doesn't want to buy wine because her husband was an alcoholic (very reasonable stance). But two sentences from the protagonist later and she buys the god damn wine. Come on, people aren't that spineless. I think you're trying to portray protagonist's mom as feeling guilty but you have to give her some backbone, she needs to disagree sometimes or the game will be boring.
4. Very minor but why is the text displayed like this
mom: wordswordswords
instead of the classic
Mom
wordswordswords
This makes the history page look like crap and drives me crazy.

EDIT: Another thing, the blinking cursor at the end. It sometimes appears, and sometimes it doesn't. Now that is extremely annoying. Just remove it.

1. You're right, many people complained about my English, and I am strongly considering doing something about it.
I am using MS Word's correction to help me with some mistakes, mainly spelling and clarity, for example I'm used to write "Thought" as "Tought" and Word can help with that.
Same for the use of "Slang" and/or "Internet English".
I have never studied English at school, at least not properly so all I've learnt came from the internet and movies/video games.
If this does not drastically improve the script, then I will work with a proof-reader.

2. I have got no excuse for that, that happened because of my own laziness, I've added it in the things to fix.

3. In the next update there should be some drama, I get what you mean.

4. I will follow Zenithtb reply and look into it and try to fix it!

5. I'll check the blinking. I have never noticed it but that may be because I really didn't give much attention to it.

Thanks for your feedback!

 

[Ara-sH]

No raptus moment in latest update ?

 

[RSSINFRos]

No raptus moment in latest update ?

Nope

 

[Zenithtb]

I am using MS Word's correction to help me

The problem with that is when the error is also a valid word.

I have seen multiple occasions where 'where' was written instead of 'were'.

Both valid words, but they don't mean the same thing.

E.g. "Where they happy to see you?". All words are spelt correctly, but the sentence is still wrong.

Also to your fourth point - they were talking about the *position* of the name. That was my misunderstanding.

 

[RSSINFRos]

The problem with that is when the error is also a valid word.

I have seen multiple occasions where 'where' was written instead of 'were'.

Both valid words, but they don't mean the same thing.

E.g. "Where they happy to see you?". All words are spelt correctly, but the sentence is still wrong.

True that

 

[asdfghuser]

True that

Maybe try Grammarly as it catches a few of these errors

 

[estrada777]

Updated Android port. Nothing too fancy but let me know if you have any issues.

Version: Ep.4 Part 2 v1.0
Size 215 MB

Spoiler: Features

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

This unofficial port/version is not released by the developer, download at your own risk.

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(if it gives you a .zip, just rename it as .apk)

Appreciate my porting? Leave a Tip! You're supporting my efforts, paying for storage, and encouraging more ports!
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Updated my android port.

 

[MausMaus]

1. You're right, many people complained about my English, and I am strongly considering doing something about it.
I am using MS Word's correction to help me with some mistakes, mainly spelling and clarity, for example I'm used to write "Thought" as "Tought" and Word can help with that.
Same for the use of "Slang" and/or "Internet English".
I have never studied English at school, at least not properly so all I've learnt came from the internet and movies/video games.
If this does not drastically improve the script, then I will work with a proof-reader.

2. I have got no excuse for that, that happened because of my own laziness, I've added it in the things to fix.

3. In the next update there should be some drama, I get what you mean.

4. I will follow Zenithtb reply and look into it and try to fix it!

5. I'll check the blinking. I have never noticed it but that may be because I really didn't give much attention to it.

Thanks for your feedback!

You could try using Grammarly.

 

[Team Thanos]

Fantastic update, I like the MCs two new pets and look forward to him using them more and more. But...

I am REALLY hoping when he wakes up the landlady gets a good hard use in the morning.

 

[Saburo. M]

1. You're right, many people complained about my English, and I am strongly considering doing something about it.
I am using MS Word's correction to help me with some mistakes, mainly spelling and clarity, for example I'm used to write "Thought" as "Tought" and Word can help with that.
Same for the use of "Slang" and/or "Internet English".
I have never studied English at school, at least not properly so all I've learnt came from the internet and movies/video games.
If this does not drastically improve the script, then I will work with a proof-reader.

2. I have got no excuse for that, that happened because of my own laziness, I've added it in the things to fix.

3. In the next update there should be some drama, I get what you mean.

4. I will follow Zenithtb reply and look into it and try to fix it!

5. I'll check the blinking. I have never noticed it but that may be because I really didn't give much attention to it.

Thanks for your feedback!

Got no qualms. Broken English or not it still makes sense. am happy and grateful u are not doing it in Italian to make your life easier.

Thanks. Awesome game!! Can't have enough of it!

 

[IPsycho]

Fantastic update, I like the MCs two new pets and look forward to him using them more and more. But...

I am REALLY hoping when he wakes up the landlady gets a good hard use in the morning.

Actually, the "Landlady" is his mother, I just can't wait to see what victim falls foul of his desires now he has a gun. His mother has still not been used completely, neither has his sister, but that is coming if I read the signs correctly.

 

[IPsycho]

I would have enjoyed seeing the father banging his daughter and being filmed, his life would have then been ruined. The Raptus buttons only bring bad endings, would be nice if once in a while they were "good" for our hero. Love the game, needs more oppotunities for his play den.

 

[Zane11]

I think I've only seen one Raptus button so far. With the mom in the bathroom.

From reading what others say, there seem to be more. Am doing something wrong? Is it perhaps that I'm using my old save every time a new update comes out? How do I solve this?

Thanks

 

[IPsycho]

I think I've only seen one Raptus button so far. With the mom in the bathroom.

From reading what others say, there seem to be more. Am doing something wrong? Is it perhaps that I'm using my old save every time a new update comes out? How do I solve this?

Thanks

There are quite a few spread throughout the game, either restart or just keep your eyes open.

 

[Zenithtb]

am happy and grateful u are not doing it in Italian to make your life easier

The largest market speaks English not Italian.

Not that I don't also appreciate it too (a game like this is a rare and wonderful beast), but it's not in English to be kind

 

[RSSINFRos]

The largest market speaks English not Italian.

Not that I don't also appreciate it too (a game like this is a rare and wonderful beast), but it's not in English to be kind

I guess he meant that it would have been easier for me to write it in Italian and wait for someone to translate it. Sure it would have been easier for me but as you said the market is leader.