Wow, just wow. It's dark indeed, it leaves me as a vanilla guy in comparison. Not so much for the suicide attempt itself, but the motives and the shit that bully tells you... It strikes too close home.
It's so awesome to have you back with updates, just not overwork yourself, your health is first, man.
This is really dark. I'm now wondering what I'm doing to Alex mentally. For me it's okay being gay, for him it's just traumatizing. I think that's also a reason why I like Tyler's route so far, because he also likes doing the stuff with him, so maybe he'll get in a better mental state eventually.
I also can't imagine coming from such a religious background, "the saints are looking", that's just bullshit to me to Alex obviously it's not.
I think a lot of gay people, especially from generations before Gen Z, have gone through the same sort of guilt that comes from going beyond borders of what is considered normalcy.
I've often talked about how this game is based on my life, and not only was I a gay teen, I was also very interested in power play dynamics from an early age (probably because of the bullying) and I saw my bullies as superior to me. That brought on feelings of guilt and shame.
The cherry on top was my religious upbringing, I was a very religious child and teen, and reconciling that with my homosexual urges was impossible. (Today I'm an atheist.)
I want to bring this storm of conflicting desires and beliefs to the game, but I don't want to overwhelm readers in darkness. That's why I remade the scene so many times. I believe I hit the guilt and shame points without veering into darkness in the final version of the scene that is now in game.
With the development of the plot, Alex will confront and overcome a lot of it. Haruki will be instrumental with that.
And, thanks, Rafster. I do need to take it easy
this update took a toll on my body
Wow, I hvn't touched the game yet, and I'm no expert, but I believe re-live through these traumatised experiences without a solution / light in the tunnel is very unhealty.
It's not just dark, it's kinda dangerous to some.
Hope everyone is doing Ok / getting better.
The game itself doesn't go that down the rabbit hole. This scene was discarded because of how dark it was. Those who have actually read the final scene can compare how light it is compared to the discarded one.
People who might feel triggered by it probably shouldn't read the PDF, and that's I made the Content Warning before the PDF link.
The game will also move towards acceptance of MC's choices.
I'm personally doing great regarding my gayness. I'm not ashamed anymore, nor do the religious beliefs I once had affect me.
The bullying though... that shaped who I am. I can't escape it. But I cope
