VN Ren'Py Abandoned Running Away [v0.8] [Mr. AJ]

3.40 star(s) 7 Votes

Mr. AJ

Newbie
Game Developer
Jul 6, 2021
47
157
Well gave it a chance but the conversations sound like a kid on steroids - no thoughts are completed at all just constant arguing throughout - the discussions are way too long don't seem to ever get to the point and make me dizzy going through them - sorry I'm done with this
For the record, I'm not on steroids or something like that, not a good writer is more like. On the good side, if I have to write something like that it seems like I got the past cover ;)
 

hermesh

Member
Feb 1, 2022
293
1,078
Very refreshing departure from the usual tropes of VNs. Liked the casual conversations filled with smack talk & great humor with the MCs friends. Felt very authentic and was great to read!

What felt off to me was when he fell into a casual pattern with Tanja: she seems to be a complete stranger. Her being so hostile can be explained by being very overprotective about her friend - maybe with good reason due to past experiences. So the MC just rolling with that was fine. But when the context shifted - her being introduced as his professional psychologist & her threatening to seriously blackmail him as a patient during the very 1st session - all while being best friends&protector with a potential future business partner - those are red flags so extreme it felt strange there were no option to push back.

Anyway, that was just a small thing and i certainly look forward to see how the story progresses.
 
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Mr. AJ

Newbie
Game Developer
Jul 6, 2021
47
157
Very refreshing departure from the usual tropes of VNs. Liked the casual conversations filled with smack talk & great humor with the MCs friends. Felt very authentic and was great to read!

What felt off to me was when he fell into a casual pattern with Tanja: she seems to be a complete stranger. Her being so hostile can be explained by being very overprotective about her friend - maybe with good reason due to past experiences. So the MC just rolling with that was fine. But when the context shifted - her being introduced as his professional psychologist & her threatening to seriously blackmail him as a patient during the very 1st session - all while being best friends&protector with a potential future business partner - those are red flags so extreme it felt strange there were no option to push back.

Anyway, that was just a small thing and i certainly look forward to see how the story progresses.
It's great to know you liked it, I really appreciate you played

When it came to Tanya, I only cared for her background, which made her the way she is. Maybe my mistake, but it didn't have to make sense it only needs to be something she would do, kinda dumb but I found this approach interesting. Not an excuse or anything just wanted to share how I worked with her.
 
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hermesh

Member
Feb 1, 2022
293
1,078
It's great to know you liked it, I really appreciate you played

When it came to Tanya, I only cared for her background, which made her the way she is. Maybe my mistake, but it didn't have to make sense it only needs to be something she would do, kinda dumb but I found this approach interesting. Not an excuse or anything just wanted to share how I worked with her.
It was not at all that i think Tanya is badly written or this is incoherent with her characterization! She seems like a very headstrong person that will do everything to protect those she loves, getting quite hot-headed and even putting her professional life at risk. Everything she did seemed fitting. It was more that i was surprised how the main character was taking her extreme measures so casually considering she is a complete stranger. I mean, for me its one thing to react that way to friends you trust and appreciate, but very different when a random person the MC has no previous connection to thinks she can push him around... But like i said: no big deal, just stood out a bit to me.

Thinking back, the MC seems to have a lot of history, so maybe its more of a "funny she thinks she can threaten me. Don't really care - lets see if this leads somewhere interesting" attitude. In any case, i look forward to see where the story will go from here.
 
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Mr. AJ

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Game Developer
Jul 6, 2021
47
157
Thinking back, the MC seems to have a lot of history, so maybe its more of a "funny she thinks she can threaten me. Don't really care - lets see if this leads somewhere interesting" attitude. In any case, i look forward to see where the story will go from here.
I like that, I agree 100% but there is also Mia, I think Mia and Tanya have a lot in common and MC sees that, I think that somehow helps to the way he reacts, but I'm not sure. I'm just guessing :p
 
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rodneyeatme

Active Member
Jul 19, 2017
907
2,238
At first, I found the near endless transitions to either a black screen or a closeup of someone's phone aggravating.

Then the black screen transition happened again. In the middle of a sex scene.

I'm at the point where I want to punch Ren'py Tom for facilitating the newest object of my rage.
 

420since1974

New Member
Dec 25, 2019
8
1
This was my first play-through and I am totally confused as to what is going on in this story.
Little to no context as to any of the characters motivations and back stories.
I'm hoping that things will become much clearer next update.
 
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Samustus

Newbie
Feb 1, 2021
70
55
Not so bad so far, and the renders are well made.

However, after playing half-way through I developed a headache. Far too many close-up transitions! Let's say we have a scene with two people talking next to each other, the focus is on the face, then transition to the other face.. back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.. argh.. visually induced headache! Why not ZOOM OUT and have them both in one scene and have them moving in place in the same scene, with a 'very' occasional face scene? There will still be transitions but the background is the same, so it's not as pain inducing. Plus the screen shakes are f-ing annoying. Screen shakes need to be used sparingly.. for revelations or surprises. Use them too much and the annoyance and headache increases.

I like a good mystery. However, in this story, EVERYTHING is a mystery. Talking to Uncle.. msyterious drug talk. Talking to Dad.. no fucking clue what any of that talk was about because MC kept cutting him off. Talking to Sofia.. Julio connection.. for that matter who the fuck is Julio really? Talking to Brooklyn.. Drugs, we had sex apparently, she's a bitch and I'm a jerk, *sigh* whatever. And so on and so forth.......... until I stopped giving a shit. That's not good for your story, man. I feel zero connection to any of the characters.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I just see that you have real talent but it's wasted with a directionless plot (so far). However, I truly wish you the best of luck. Don't give up :)
 
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Mr. AJ

Newbie
Game Developer
Jul 6, 2021
47
157
Not so bad so far, and the renders are well made.

However, after playing half-way through I developed a headache. Far too many close-up transitions! Let's say we have a scene with two people talking next to each other, the focus is on the face, then transition to the other face.. back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.. argh.. visually induced headache! Why not ZOOM OUT and have them both in one scene and have them moving in place in the same scene, with a 'very' occasional face scene? There will still be transitions but the background is the same, so it's not as pain inducing. Plus the screen shakes are f-ing annoying. Screen shakes need to be used sparingly.. for revelations or surprises. Use them too much and the annoyance and headache increases.

I like a good mystery. However, in this story, EVERYTHING is a mystery. Talking to Uncle.. msyterious drug talk. Talking to Dad.. no fucking clue what any of that talk was about because MC kept cutting him off. Talking to Sofia.. Julio connection.. for that matter who the fuck is Julio really? Talking to Brooklyn.. Drugs, we had sex apparently, she's a bitch and I'm a jerk, *sigh* whatever. And so on and so forth.......... until I stopped giving a shit. That's not good for your story, man. I feel zero connection to any of the characters.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I just see that you have real talent but it's wasted with a directionless plot (so far). However, I truly wish you the best of luck. Don't give up :)
Thanks for giving it a try, I'm sorry you didn't like it but I understand what you're saying.
About the close-ups, I don't have a strong computer but still got a graphic card so I need to fit the scene in 4Gb, I decided it was better to make close-ups so I can hide most of the stuff and just focus on the expressions and things like that. Believe me, I wanted to go for wider shots and so, but ahh... Either graphic card or I didn't know how to make it, I think lately I'm getting a better grasp of how to work my way around but I'm not there yet.

And the story... Well, not the first time I hear it but I know it's true. I just wanted to make a VN and just threw myself without thinking hahaha, still it has been fun. I like to imagine this game as a slide of life or something like that and most of the questions would be answered through a normal conversation, no big revelations or plot twists or things like that. It's my first VN and gotta be honest, I experiment a lot, screw it a lot, and learned a lot. I'm fond of the characters so I don't want to give any time soon.

And thanks for the feedback, it makes me happy that you took the time to write this and you ended with a positive note :)
 

Abhai

Devoted Member
Sep 12, 2018
8,551
35,877
It surely was a bumpy road these past few months, so even more glad to see the game continues (on patreon).
 
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Mr. AJ

Newbie
Game Developer
Jul 6, 2021
47
157
Sorry for not replying earlier, it's been some busy months too. But just want you to know I'm still working on it, it's taking some time but I'm putting a lot of love into this update.

Was going OK until the last bit with Mia. Is it really so hard to give a choice on a LI?
It's a shame you don't like Mia but you'll get a chance in the future to break it off with her or just keep things with her, but I'd give her a chance ;)
 
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WastedTalent

Active Member
Dec 11, 2020
911
1,453
Sorry for not replying earlier, it's been some busy months too. But just want you to know I'm still working on it, it's taking some time but I'm putting a lot of love into this update.


It's a shame you don't like Mia but you'll get a chance in the future to break it off with her or just keep things with her, but I'd give her a chance ;)
I think she's awesome. Bit of a spit fire but I can see a lot of potential between her and mc.
 
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Gosamr

Member
May 6, 2021
334
469
I hope Mr. AJ is still finding time to working on his masterpiece. I miss Brooklyn so much. She's simply exquisite to look at and I don't mind her temperament at all. If I were privileged enough to have the choice, I'd take Brook over any of the other girls any day of the century. She's intelligent (enough), drop-dead gorgeous and feisty with it...a knockout combination as far as I'm concerned.
 

Mr. AJ

Newbie
Game Developer
Jul 6, 2021
47
157
I hope Mr. AJ is still finding time to working on his masterpiece. I miss Brooklyn so much. She's simply exquisite to look at and I don't mind her temperament at all. If I were privileged enough to have the choice, I'd take Brook over any of the other girls any day of the century. She's intelligent (enough), drop-dead gorgeous and feisty with it...a knockout combination as far as I'm concerned.
Hahaha, I never thought someone would call this game a masterpiece, maybe as a joke but it makes me happy you like my game.
I'm working on the game, even as I write this but it's taking a lot of time because I'm trying to do the best I can, maybe it's not the best game out there but the best I can put together. It's really reassuring you haven't forgotten my game even when it's taking so long for this upcoming update, thanks :)
 

Gosamr

Member
May 6, 2021
334
469
Hahaha, I never thought someone would call this game a masterpiece, maybe as a joke but it makes me happy you like my game.
I'm working on the game, even as I write this but it's taking a lot of time because I'm trying to do the best I can, maybe it's not the best game out there but the best I can put together. It's really reassuring you haven't forgotten my game even when it's taking so long for this upcoming update, thanks :)
Mr. AJ,

One never forgets a memorable experience, especially one such as this, an encounter with as beautiful, intriguing and enigmatic a character as Brook is, even though she be, of course, only imaginary. The frequency of your production is an unavoidable frustration, but I happily accept the infrequency because I am more than compensated for that in the times you do get to share your gift with us.

In those times Brook lives, because it is, after all, you who breathes life into her (and not forgetting, of course, all of your other characters too). The exceptional quality of life and character that you give to her is a gift, in my opinion, that only great creators possess and, for me, that greatness will never be measured in the amount you deliver, but, as I just said, in the case of Brook, in the outstanding quality and realism you instil in her. You bring Brook to life and she is a beautiful woman every glimpse of whom and interaction with is simply a delight and please, make no mistake, I am, thankfully, not one who has no other life outside of my imagination.

I simply adore the girl you have created and allowed my imagination to share with you and that is a harmless yet immensely rich and rewarding pleasure which produces a great deal of happiness, in itself, a perfectly priceless gift. For this reason alone this novel is to me a masterpiece. I don't care what others think about any of this. They are entitled to their opinion, an opinion which can never take away anything that I have spoken about enjoying personally here. I am grateful for what you have done and continue to do no matter how slow your pace and I look forward to seeing Brook once again when, and only when, you are good and ready to share her with us.

My only purely selfish concern, Mr. AJ, is whether or not you will actually (be able to) see this through to a conclusion. Only time will tell, but I'll enjoy all that I can, when I can and be eternally grateful to you for it. Stay safe and well and, hopefully, happy in life.
 

Abhai

Devoted Member
Sep 12, 2018
8,551
35,877
Hahaha, I never thought someone would call this game a masterpiece, maybe as a joke but it makes me happy you like my game.
I'm working on the game, even as I write this but it's taking a lot of time because I'm trying to do the best I can, maybe it's not the best game out there but the best I can put together. It's really reassuring you haven't forgotten my game even when it's taking so long for this upcoming update, thanks :)
any fresh bone (journal info) for f95z pirates to chew on a bit? :BootyTime:
 

Mr. AJ

Newbie
Game Developer
Jul 6, 2021
47
157
everything is paywalled
Hahaha sorry for that, at this point all post I made are related to previous post so I think it'd be hard to make some sense of a random post.

any fresh bone (journal info) for f95z pirates to chew on a bit? :BootyTime:
Since you asked, I don't know if I mentioned before but right now I'm doing some deep rework on the game, I've tried to polish the story, making it less mysterious regarding the MC and changing images from earlier releases.

So far I made the images for 9 events and coded for 5 of them, few days ago I run the game to check transitions, misspelling and timing, get a sense of it. Unfortunately, I wasn't completely satisfied with the results, as I said in one post on patreon, the events are not bad on their own but the way they are put together, so right now I'm trying to fix that and after I'm done with that, I'd move to the second phase where I'd try to save as much images from the current version and add them to this new version so I would save some work.
Obviously there's new content for after the last event played in the last update and few more events added in between the game, I got the script for the whole thing and while I felt happy with it after those issues with the run-test I'm not so sure.

I mean this would be a quick overview, if I when into more detail I'd to make a post of 5 pages hahaha
 
3.40 star(s) 7 Votes