VN Ren'Py Abandoned Running Away [v0.8] [Mr. AJ]

[Vainglorious]

So I just started this game from the beginning. Downloaded because the renders looked nice. I'm about an 1.5 hours into it.

What am I reading? It feels like someone with ADHD having a fever dream. Can no one finish a thought or sentence? Why do conversations start at the end half the time? The reader needs to know things. The writer is responsible for telling things. Why is everything a secret from the readers? We need context. It's as bad as reading japanese stereo instructions that have been translated through 14 languages before they stopped on english. I'm sure it all makes sense to the writer cause they already know the details but give the audience some of them. Very little of the dialogue feels natural. So much is left unsaid between characters because the characters know what they are talking about but I have no fucking clue most of the time. Finding plot in this game is like looking for a needle in a haystack except the haystack is the size of Mt. Everest.

Imagine if this were a movie and how quickly the editor would be fired if he left frames of black in it. Don't do it.

Why would a friend threaten the person who can potentially save your friends business? Because they hung up on your friend twice. I thought it was a telemarketer at first. In the real world it would probably ended with, " Sorry. I was interested in helping but if I'm going to be threated like this I'll find something else to invest in."

 

[gkdlalstnek]

Are the scenes animated?

 

[Demoness_Kiss]

So I just started this game from the beginning. Downloaded because the renders looked nice. I'm about an 1.5 hours into it.

What am I reading? It feels like someone with ADHD having a fever dream. Can no one finish a thought or sentence? Why do conversations start at the end half the time? The reader needs to know things. The writer is responsible for telling things. Why is everything a secret from the readers? We need context. It's as bad as reading japanese stereo instructions that have been translated through 14 languages before they stopped on english. I'm sure it all makes sense to the writer cause they already know the details but give the audience some of them. Very little of the dialogue feels natural. So much is left unsaid between characters because the characters know what they are talking about but I have no fucking clue most of the time. Finding plot in this game is like looking for a needle in a haystack except the haystack is the size of Mt. Everest.

Imagine if this were a movie and how quickly the editor would be fired if he left frames of black in it. Don't do it.

Why would a friend threaten the person who can potentially save your friends business? Because they hung up on your friend twice. I thought it was a telemarketer at first. In the real world it would probably ended with, " Sorry. I was interested in helping but if I'm going to be threated like this I'll find something else to invest in."

This. All of this, every single word of this, i agree with it.

 

[DarkLoki]

I didn't know my game was here but thanks for upload it. Thanks for play my game, I know is has a lot of flaws but I'll try to improve. If you got any comment about the game, please let me know, you can contact on my discord. Again, Thanks for play!

Since you asked, yes, I "got comments": Please rewrite the description so it actually gives an idea what the game is about, and not like someone spiked your drink

 

[Mr. AJ]

Phew, while I get the story overall (I think) those conversations sound like two retards talking most of the time.

Part of the problem is they are designed in a way that the player (or a least me as a player) feels like he is missing 1. the background 2. half of the sentences are missing and 3. the rest are insiders that make no sense if you never were there when they happened in the first place. I don't know if this is a wanted style or the dev doesn't know how to tell a story in a good way. And what's with the "fuck you" all the time? It feels like every third sentence is just that...

Renders are nice though.

Hi, thanks for giving it a try, I really appreciate it
I think it's a little bit of both, I do want to make this game that way but I overstep, while I've written something in the past it wasn't a project like this, maybe it was a way bigger project that I could handle.
Still, I'm stubborn and I'm going to keep working on it, I'll try to fix those things you said

 

[Mr. AJ]

Regarding harem.

Is that still planned, or do I have to approach the game "selectively"?
So each LI individually or can I safely follow all of them?

Yes, it's planned. But in chapter one, you won't have much say on who you approach
You'll be building "karma" for future chapters, I need everyone on the same page for those chapters

 

[Mr. AJ]

So I just started this game from the beginning. Downloaded because the renders looked nice. I'm about an 1.5 hours into it.

What am I reading? It feels like someone with ADHD having a fever dream. Can no one finish a thought or sentence? Why do conversations start at the end half the time? The reader needs to know things. The writer is responsible for telling things. Why is everything a secret from the readers? We need context. It's as bad as reading japanese stereo instructions that have been translated through 14 languages before they stopped on english. I'm sure it all makes sense to the writer cause they already know the details but give the audience some of them. Very little of the dialogue feels natural. So much is left unsaid between characters because the characters know what they are talking about but I have no fucking clue most of the time. Finding plot in this game is like looking for a needle in a haystack except the haystack is the size of Mt. Everest.

Imagine if this were a movie and how quickly the editor would be fired if he left frames of black in it. Don't do it.

Why would a friend threaten the person who can potentially save your friends business? Because they hung up on your friend twice. I thought it was a telemarketer at first. In the real world it would probably ended with, " Sorry. I was interested in helping but if I'm going to be threated like this I'll find something else to invest in."

Damn and I thought my English was getting better
But what you're saying it's somehow true (I can't agree with all of that, I still like my game)
I think you're right, I and the character knows the story and left most of the story untold, and I'm fully aware of that but I wanted to make something different. Most of this game has been try and error (if you played v 0.0 you understand what I mean) and I wanted to make a story this way, and see how it turned out. Not my wisest choice but I'm already here so there isn't much I can do. I planned to show "key events" as flashbacks at the beginning of the next chapter, I'll see how I approach it
Thanks for giving it a try, even when it disappointed you

 

[Vainglorious]

Damn and I thought my English was getting better
But what you're saying it's somehow true (I can't agree with all of that, I still like my game)
I think you're right, I and the character knows the story and left most of the story untold, and I'm fully aware of that but I wanted to make something different. Most of this game has been try and error (if you played v 0.0 you understand what I mean) and I wanted to make a story this way, and see how it turned out. Not my wisest choice but I'm already here so there isn't much I can do. I planned to show "key events" as flashbacks at the beginning of the next chapter, I'll see how I approach it
Thanks for giving it a try, even when it disappointed you

Hey this may be surprising but I think your english is fine in and of itself. I just think it isn't being used to tell the story in a clear way. Too much is being left out. We jump into conversations in the wrong place. I'm not angry or disappointed with your game. I'm just confused. Very, very confused while reading it.

I do wish you good luck and success with your game. I just want to enjoy it without feeling like I heard the story from a friend who heard it from a friend who wasn't paying attention.

 

[thehsplt]

After 30 minutes reading and still no idea of what it's about I'll be leaving this one alone. Really could you drag the beginning out any longer. Remder if you can't capture the reader at the beginning all is lost. Goodbye!

 

[Ghost'']

Running Away [v0.8] Unofficial Android Port + KoGa's WT Mod

There is no textbox in my ports, so enjoy the game.

You must be registered to see the links

- 218mb.

You can also join my discord server for more ports and support me.

You must be registered to see the links

Yo! Can you buy me a coffee for support me? Tnxx.

You must be registered to see the links

 

[WastedTalent]

Yes, it's planned. But in chapter one, you won't have much say on who you approach
You'll be building "karma" for future chapters, I need everyone on the same page for those chapters

Please don't do that... Karma and points systems ruin a good vn because even though we will have choices it means scenes and triggers for scenes will be tied into those points which means a player can't play naturally as they like and still see content. It limits the players ability to make actual choices. IMO it weakens your over all story.

 

[Mr. AJ]

Please don't do that... Karma and points systems ruin a good vn because even though we will have choices it means scenes and triggers for scenes will be tied into those points which means a player can't play naturally as they like and still see content. It limits the players ability to make actual choices. IMO it weakens your over all story.

It's not karma per se but there has to be a points system, I think it would become a Kinetic Novel if it doesn't have one. I know there are other ways to deal with it but the Points System is the best for the branching onthis case

 

[MisterNephilim]

It's not karma per se but there has to be a points system, I think it would become a Kinetic Novel if it doesn't have one. I know there are other ways to deal with it but the Points System is the best for the branching onthis case

If you are going for the Harem style game with options on who is going to be a member of said harem, you need to have LI points, if not it would just be a Kinetic novel just like you said.

 

[m0us3r]

It's not karma per se but there has to be a points system, I think it would become a Kinetic Novel if it doesn't have one. I know there are other ways to deal with it but the Points System is the best for the branching onthis case

It's best when branching is based on actual choices. Being nice and attentive or being cold and selfish would better affect dialog style and only slightly affect the branching.

Also, like almost everyone else said, I have to say that the writing is very bad.

• Too long-winded, too wordy without actually saying what was the deal.
• The behavior of characters does not make sense, does not have continuity. E.g. first Markus seems like he has a problem with the MC. Then without making any actual point, he switches to talking to Brooklyn, and his talk with MC ends. WTF that was about? It doesn't happen in real life. It's not just a question of unknown background, it's the developer can't tell a viable story at all. In real life such talks would end with some demand or statement, etc.
• Whispering between Brooke and MC, in front of Markus? Really? Is he deaf? It's not veritable at all.
• So many black frames I wondered if there was a bug or something.

Mr.AJ, you really need to up your writing, or this is not going to lift off, regardless of nice models & renders.

You should put yourself in shoes of every character you are depicting, and see how they would act, how realistic it all is.

Rewrite the initial scenes at least (I didn't play further, cuz it's a pain in the ass). Try to make every say statement meaningful and finished. Reduce their amount 3 times.

Then maybe you could learn how to write, and it would eventually become a decent game to play.

Good luck!

 

[JohnSheridan]

What is up with there only 4 tags?

 

[DarkLoki]

What is up with there only 4 tags?

Laziness?

 

[J.R.]

Not a bad update, all in all I liked it. The renders are nice, the girls top. As mentioned from some for me also to often "fuck" in the dialogs, also some typos/spellings. The story was a bit confusing at the beginning, but it's getting better now. Looking forward to the next update.

 

[VN..reader]

when i moved away from Chicago i thought i was done with telenovela. i really like story based games and i don't mind read... a LOT. but there is way too much nonsensical dialog and (thoughts) that have NO context what ever. and even though it is 'spell checked' unless you are used to spanish or spanglish it can be a bit hard to understand. (side note; don't take spanish lessons from Puerto Ricans. they only teach you to talk 'durty' ) but so far i am enjoying this romp... or trying to... Telemundo LIVES

 

[Hentai_Lover00]

Luficer: "Are you lost?... I'm gonna find your wife and daugther, OK?"

View attachment 1294140

On the other hand... v0.0 denies its own existence.

Im sure i saw that Dude one the 2nd picture in some other game, cannot remember what game, he was wealthy man was actinbg like a teacher for MC

 

[BGRW2020]

Well gave it a chance but the conversations sound like a kid on steroids - no thoughts are completed at all just constant arguing throughout - the discussions are way too long don't seem to ever get to the point and make me dizzy going through them - sorry I'm done with this