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Oh I think it's very valid to dislike Crow. She's lived most of her life with other people restricting and making choices for her, and now she's trying to break with basically every rule she's ever been taught, while also lacking any sense of discipline, or autonomy. She doesn't know how to initiate any of the things she wants to do. She's broken with her upbringing, but she still kind of wants someone else to handle making decisions for her. She's never really developed much self-control either, so she frequently goes all-in on situations even when she didn't initially plan to. Carmen waltzes in and says she'll give Crow everything she wants if she does as she says, and Crow can't help but see if she's right. Most importantly, in many (probably most) playthroughs, Carmen is correct. Carmen brings Crow together with Roman in most playthroughs, to some extent.
Even once Crow could pivot her relationship with Roman away from Carmen, she's happy to stick with what's presently working. You, as Roman, have to be the one to untangle that knot. Crow simply lacks the social intelligence and insight to detach herself from someone like Carmen. There's hints in some of the endings that Crow is starting to grow (her getting Markus to open up is instrumental to the "Wholesome" ending) and my word of god, if that counts for anything, is that Crow does become more independent if she doesn't go with Carmen. However, yes, while she still has the above character flaws she would be an incredibly frustrating person to know in real life. The fantasy and narrative of the game hide that somewhat, but in my personal experiences people who are sheltered and then let loose on the world tend to be a bit fucking messy and accidentally destructive until they learn some self-control.
My problem is that if she really does have roman as her main goal, why does she cling so hard to Carmen? When Carmen's promises clearly arent working, and when carmen and roman are at very clear odds with each other, why does she side with carmen rather than her stated main person, Roman in most cases? Why continue to try and convince roman to side with carmen to the bitter end? To give him what he wants? Even when he clearly doesnt want it from her? Even when they are clearly at each other's throats? That just doesnt makes sense. She knows roman likes her at that point, and she knows roman is against carmen. Even that carmen is against roman. And she still sides with carmen. Even naive people who think there can be a bright and sunny conclusion to everything know that its probably not the best idea to side against the one you care about most if nothing more than to not want them to hate you at least for a time. Thats why there is a difference between naivety and stupidity.
As for your point about crow wanting the choices made for her, once its clear that they both like each other its not a huge leap to say, "I'm yours roman." because at that point roman would make the choices for her. Hell, he *tries* to make choices for her and she outright rejects them in favor of Carmen. Thats my biggest point of contention. It would be just as easy to submit to roman as carmen once their desires are open but she still sides with carmen. That strikes me as being more loyal to carmen than to Roman.
And even if we were to say that somehow there was some twisted logic in sticking with Carmen even when its clear they both like each other and roman doesnt like carmen, why doesnt Roman himself even attempt to take Crow's reins from carmen? He clearly thinks that Carmen is doing nothing but manipulating her and even says something similar to crow directly IIRC. So why doesnt he take crow aside and take control romantically and sexually? Instead, he beats around the bush at best, and even in the wholesome scene and ending, he still lets Carmen dig her claws into crow further until the very end. that doesnt make sense for roman's intentions either.
Honestly, i think if there was a point where roman tried to convince crow early on rather than saying, "Hey, she dangerous" and take her reins so that it is a branch where its Roman, Ash, and crow against markus and carmen. or where she plays liason for you in convincing markus that carmen was no good, but that never happens really. Even in the wholesome ending that doesnt happen until the very end. If that.
I guess my biggest reason none of this makes any sense to me is that there is no path where crow is on your side of the isle even just partway through, even though you are her main love interest. She always acts as carmen's liason and never the other way around until she no longer can even when Carmen and roman are at direct odds with eachother and she knows roman wants her. Thats why she strikes me as more loyal to carmen than roman until you literally twist her hand. And even when you do get her to go with you, it seems incidental like she just couldnt figure out a way to be with carmen in all but the wholesome ending. She never goes "Ok roman, im with you on this," for any of his decisions until the end but she does that for carmen which just is kinda makes no real sense if she wants roman most of all. Why disregard your crush in favor of a woman you have known for less than a day, given she only really interacts with carmen for a few hours at a time when she watches her?
If there was even one path where she goes "Ok, I trust you Roman" after they have sex and she now knows that he wants her, that would go a long in convincing me that she isnt just more loyal to carmen. But she doesnt until the very end and when that happens it feels pretty sudden to the point where im left scratching my head as to why she suddenly is listening to Roman given she literally doesnt throughout the rest of the path.
Maybe if there was a bit more build up in the endings where she does go with roman so that it flows more into her deciding to stop trying to aid carmen that would also be a bit more convincing? Again, it just feels sudden when she does and even in the endings where she does go with roman, I cant help but second guess if she really with roman or did roman just luck out in twisting her arm enough? What if another flirtatious confident person came along? It just feels like its all flimsy between her and roman.
Honestly, i think if there was an ending where you told crow that honestly, you dont like her because she's too far in bed with carmen, and that she is more of a danger to you than anything. That you wanted to be with her but her actions have shown she's untrustworthy. Then leave without her. Let her sink in despair that its her actions that drove a wedge between them. That she may have carmen but she lost the man she wants as a result would be fun. make her choosing to help carmen feel hollow. The one reason she did it and its gone. make her regret it but have to live with it knowing the man she loves despises her.
