VN Ren'Py Abandoned Sinister Chronicle [v0.2] [Flylupus]

[flylupus1980]

First, just as a reminding :
Dictionary : Netorare (寝取られ, lit. "cuckold", also commonly abbreviated as NTR) is a notoriously controversial genre of Hentai (or, in rarer cases, Ecchi), with a degree of infamy perhaps rivaled only by full-blown Guro. Typically, a heroine will be introduced as having a significant other, which may be a husband, a boyfriend, or even a partner in a BST affair.

F95 tag : Ntr [Designed to cause jealousy by having the romantic interest involved with someone other than the MC.]


The scene you're talking about is not an afair, it's a fucking rape, meaning she doesn't conscent at all! Rape is not NTR! it's a fucking RAPE!
(sorry for Caplock but it's a sensitive subject for me)

Second, when she is raped, she wasn't part of MC harem yet, they weren't even together at all, she was just his step-sister.
Third, it's that rape that make her a servant of MC by drinking his blood and inhibits her feelings for him.

=> result: I won't change that at all.

If you feel NTRd by a rape, I should advice you to go talk to every personn that been raped how you feel about that kind of things. Go see what damage a rape can cause. you'll see what is the difference between that kind of things.

 

[creedgeezer]

First, just as a reminding :
Dictionary : Netorare (寝取られ, lit. "cuckold", also commonly abbreviated as NTR) is a notoriously controversial genre of Hentai (or, in rarer cases, Ecchi), with a degree of infamy perhaps rivaled only by full-blown Guro. Typically, a heroine will be introduced as having a significant other, which may be a husband, a boyfriend, or even a partner in a BST affair.

F95 tag : Ntr [Designed to cause jealousy by having the romantic interest involved with someone other than the MC.]


The scene you're talking about is not an afair, it's a fucking rape, meaning she doesn't conscent at all! Rape is not NTR! it's a fucking RAPE!
(sorry for Caplock but it's a sensitive subject for me)

Second, when she is raped, she wasn't part of MC harem yet, they weren't even together at all, she was just his step-sister.
Third, it's that rape that make her a servant of MC by drinking his blood and inhibits her feelings for him.

=> result: I won't change that at all.

If you feel NTRd by a rape, I should advice you to go talk to every personn that been raped how you feel about that kind of things. Go see what damage a rape can cause. you'll see what is the difference between that kind of things.

Well I agree with you and mistake so i edited my comment...

As you say, so you only consider ntr IF ITS affair huh.. Well we are human and we have different thoughts about something so what i mean is what NTR for you is different for me(there are other man who is involved whether she consent it or not)

And yes you said that she isnt part of the harem yet but if she become well ofc you will consider it as not ntr because that event is on past right... Well for me, it will linger(thinking/remembering about it) on my mind on entire game you could say it my personal mindset.... Well true

Wrapping it up..... so my point is there are other people who is the same mindset as me and dont like that kind of scene...

Ofc I'm out.....

Dev, wish you goodluck and godspeed

 

[flylupus1980]

let's end it about that, we agreed we desagree about NTR definition. Like I said, that kind of scene is the only one and needed for the girl persona.

Well for me, it will linger(thinking/remembering about it) on my mind on entire game you could say it my personal mindset....

I would say, that the point, her having a PTSD about that but falling in MC arms.

I would say, if I add the skip, it wasn't for nothing. If you feel disgust about the scene, choke, etc. that the whole point.


I let you make your opinion on my story, like or dislike it. (secretly hoping you(or anybody else) didn't like that scene)
I'm still working on the Chapter 1, trying to improve the scene I already created. review some assets, light and environnements.


@creedgeezer, have a best day/evening/night ever. wish good reading and playing.

I try to get the critics everytime I can. when it's justify calmly and with explantation. And always open to the discution.

 

[Cirelc]

flylupus1980 i need a proper changelog for Version B before i can promote it.

 

[flylupus1980]

A small pic for the Chapter 1

 

[Deleted member 770309]

So i have to ask will the gay and futa stuff be avoidable.

 

[flylupus1980]

So i have to ask will the gay and futa stuff be avoidable.

the answer is : It will be avoidable yes.

for info, I finish to rebuild my scene for chapter 1. counting 694 Scenes to render with 3 small animation of 10 frame each.
Done render 241 already.

I had to restart render cause of a crash of one of my HDD, unfortunately.
Lucky me, I didn't lost the Daz files.

Next chapter files will need rework as well. and Technical craft too.

hopefully, I'll be able to finish render before the 15th.

 

[SeveredRealms]

The biggest problem with the rape scene is not the thought of the rape scene but 1 making it skippable but still happens and 2 the fact that to save you headaches and more drama in your thread you should let the situation escalate but the mc interrupt it before she is penetraited. making him the hero to her instead. the actual part of penetration is what will push people away from your game. I know what your going for and understand it and also have dealt with a RL situation with one of my daughters having something similar happen. So my thoughts let it start to play out and stop it before it gets to that point.

 

[LegendKing23]

Actual NTR consists of provoking a feeling of discomfort and sadness by portraying an individual having his partner, potential lover or loved one, being "taken away" by someone else, the MC does not need to be in a relationship to be NTR.

It doesn't fit in the site definiton but that rape still fits for the actual meaning. To be honest with you what a poor choice to start the game off like that. You do your game however you want but as a supposed to be later on a kinetic novel harem game nobody's really gonna play after that to be honest with you.

Don't change anything at all let all those things happen but let us save her before she gets penetrated/raped.

I was actually curious about this game i'm a straight man but i wanted to try it out. But well...

Good luck anyway.

 

[Belnick]

wtf if a pan? is it one of those new fake names that is same as bi?

edit::
i have no clue really, would not just make a comment to annoy someone random

 

[Faptime]

wtf if a pan? is it one of those new fake names that is same as bi?

edit::
i have no clue really, would not just make a comment to annoy someone random

It's the "I'll fuck anything" sexual orientation

 

[ionpop]

1. Your English is good enough to make yourself understood but not good enough for a game that relies heavily on storytelling. This seems to be beyond minor spelling and grammar mistakes so you'd probably need some sort of translator, presuming you're French (that or you're very ambitious translating a game into French in the first release and before fixing the English version).

2. Show don't tell. For example the protagonist-narrator dialogue at the beginning serves no purpose because the player doesn't need to be told about the protagonist's memory loss, it's evident from the protagonist's thoughts and actions. Not to mention that the player has no idea about the protagonist's world anyway so they might as well explore it together.

3. If the protagonist is pansexual then you're going to have to adjust those game tags accordingly. Also make all sexual content that isn't essential to the story easy to avoid (e.g "Do you want to have sex with this person? Yes / No" or "Would you like to see this kink? Yes / No")

4. Here's a piece of advice: Add choices whenever reasonable, even if it's just flavour text with no consequences. You can also have choices that don't have any immediate consequences, these can vary from flavour text to really important ones.

5. The renders look good but you need to work on your storytelling. It feels less like a story and more like a summary of a story, you've got interesting ideas but you need to put express them in a more natural way. I'd expect a person suffering from memory loss would be less trustful of people he doesn't know or remember knowing, not to mention that they'd likely have a harder time gathering their thoughts. You could add quite a few choices there to control how that conversation plays out. Also, the characters act unnatural "Oh my brother has gone missing for a week, looks sickly and says he has lost his memory? Let me casually mention an extremely traumatic event in his life and see if he remembers it, while showing minimal emotional distress..."

So, you've got a lot of stuff to fix but the game has potential if you're willing to put the necessary work into it.

 

[Sindar]

I hope this game (and its future chapters) gets a good translation or quality proof-reading at the very least, because, if the game description in the OP is of any indication, it gives off quite a bad first impression. I've seen one too many games suffering from this where reading through bad English feels like a chore.
The premise of the story seems somewhat interesting and the quality of renders appears to be good, so I'll likely re-visit the game once it has more content in it. Bookmarked for now.

 

[punisher2099]

the answer is : It will be avoidable yes.

for info, I finish to rebuild my scene for chapter 1. counting 694 Scenes to render with 3 small animation of 10 frame each.
Done render 241 already.

I had to restart render cause of a crash of one of my HDD, unfortunately.
Lucky me, I didn't lost the Daz files.

Next chapter files will need rework as well. and Technical craft too.

hopefully, I'll be able to finish render before the 15th.

I thought this was a kinetic novel? How can they be avoidable but the rape isn't? Are they just skippable?

 

[laeg]

wtf if a pan? is it one of those new fake names that is same as bi?

edit::
i have no clue really, would not just make a comment to annoy someone random

new stilish word for bisexual person...

 

[Eidersson]

Sounds interesting, will give it a go.

 

[Mark37]

How to install in Android

 

[flylupus1980]

new stilish word for bisexual person...

Not really new word, but whatever ^^

@punisher2099 : The rape scene is skippable not avoidable.

@vt3fan4evr : Thanks for comment. my biggest problem is that scene make whole point of how she is behaving after


@ionpop : thanks for you feedback, I prefer that kind of feedback. I'm indeed Frenh, I'll try to improuve my engrish for the next version. (and my naration). Just so you know I worked on the novel before doing the render, I needed to "pain" my scene first. Again I'll take what you said, review a bit (a lot).

I try to make a lot of efforts in my render, still at it. but seem I need to rewrite a few things, delete a few Narrator lines.



This last few month I work on the renders. I might take a few days off and review my script.

 

[flylupus1980]

How to install in Android

good question, I used Ren'py android build pack to create APK. but I have really no clue.
I'll go to install the damnare.sanguinem_01-1-universal-release

But I put that one for those who prefers Android download.

 

[punisher2099]

Its not a kinetic novel if the futa/gay content is avoidable is it?