Ren'Py Onhold Star Mars [v0.9.1b] [Magic Dude]

[Jwow3]

There's a new(ish) version of the game out, which you can grab here. The dialogue and other text has been rewritten (by myself) on all but Bell's (short woman) intro quest and some of Lana's quests (still WIP) with the permission of the original dev Magic Dude. The story remains much the same, but there is a great deal more dialogue and I have taken into account some of the feedback voiced here.

• Most of the text is now in proper English.
• Formatting more consistent across storylines (MC's thoughts are now always italicised for example).
• All characters have more depth and personality than before.
• The universe and story has been fleshed out and expanded where appropriate.
• The MC is not so schizophrenic about futa sex anymore - he gets more into it the more he does it.
• The sex scenes are spicier.
• A few glaring continuity errors are fixed, most of them are in Lana's questline though so they remain for now until I figure out how best to rewrite those quests and remain true to the story.

Big shout-out to Magic Dude for letting me contribute to this project. I want to be clear that I volunteered originally because I saw this game's potential being compromised by poor written English through no particular fault of the dev, but once I had been very kindly furnished with a copy of the game's code, I found myself getting immersed in the universe Magic Dude had created. Either way, what I'm looking for now is further feedback from you guys:

• Have the changes improved the game or not?
• What parts do you like/not like?
• Are there any pointers you would offer me regarding style/pacing/content?
• What other changes would you recommend?

I look forward to seeing your comments, and relaying them back to Magic Dude! If you would, please go and check out his Patreon for update posts, preview content, and patron polls.

I replayed through all the game content that I know of and I think overall you've definitely succeeded in making the game more appealing to an English speaking audience. The sex scenes in particular I think are some of the best new writing.

Before I go into some things I did and didn't like so much I do want to give Magic Dude massive props for letting you go and edit his work. With all the effort that goes into these kinds of projects they become very personal and taking criticism can become difficult let alone letting someone else take your work and change it in any way. It takes a big person to accept that criticism and letting someone else in to change it is even harder. So absolutely massive respect to Magic Dude for that, you are the type of dev we need making games.

Spoiler: Pros:

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Spoiler: Cons:

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TL;DR Yes! I believe you've definitely improved the game's appeal to an English speaking audience, particularly with the MC, Lana, general readability, and sex scenes. However, the improvements while significant are not perfect and are somewhat hampered by the need to conform to the scene material that has already been made. Additionally they do not have any impact on shortcomings already present in the game's mechanics.

P.S. Thanks for going out of your way to and taking the time to try and improve the game. You did a lot more than the rest of us and I appreciate the time and effort you've made to do what I haven't had the time or balls to do.

 

[Melmoth99]

There's a new(ish) version of the game out, which you can grab here. The dialogue and other text has been rewritten (by myself) on all but Bell's (short woman) intro quest and some of Lana's quests (still WIP) with the permission of the original dev Magic Dude. The story remains much the same, but there is a great deal more dialogue and I have taken into account some of the feedback voiced here.

• Most of the text is now in proper English.
• Formatting more consistent across storylines (MC's thoughts are now always italicised for example).
• All characters have more depth and personality than before.
• The universe and story has been fleshed out and expanded where appropriate.
• The MC is not so schizophrenic about futa sex anymore - he gets more into it the more he does it.
• The sex scenes are spicier.
• A few glaring continuity errors are fixed, most of them are in Lana's questline though so they remain for now until I figure out how best to rewrite those quests and remain true to the story.

Big shout-out to Magic Dude for letting me contribute to this project. I want to be clear that I volunteered originally because I saw this game's potential being compromised by poor written English through no particular fault of the dev, but once I had been very kindly furnished with a copy of the game's code, I found myself getting immersed in the universe Magic Dude had created. Either way, what I'm looking for now is further feedback from you guys:

• Have the changes improved the game or not?
• What parts do you like/not like?
• Are there any pointers you would offer me regarding style/pacing/content?
• What other changes would you recommend?

I look forward to seeing your comments, and relaying them back to Magic Dude! If you would, please go and check out his Patreon for update posts, preview content, and patron polls.

Any chance for a compressed version? Your version is 1.5 gig where the compressed version is 330mb. If all you did was change the text you should be able to make it work with the compressed pictures?

Please try if you have the time

Thanks

 

[derpyderp123]

Have you played the new version, or are you just asking?

Just asking mate. Did you add new scenes or something?

 

[Spettet]

Played through 0.5 now.. Great game ..

Looking forward to more content. I need some Zara action

There aren't many futa on male games, so getting one with decent graphics in active development is cool...

 

[netherwarrior256]

Just asking mate. Did you add new scenes or something?

I didn't add any new scenes or new CG's. I simply added/rewrote the text during the scenes, added appropriate pauses, and drastically increased the quality of the language used, employing grammatical devices that are normally found in literature. I think you'll need to play the edited version of the game to see for yourself.

 

[Barack Osama99]

Ghost'' can you please make an Android port for this one?

 

[Maze007]

Android

 

[joeblow00]

I didn't add any new scenes or new CG's. I simply added/rewrote the text during the scenes, added appropriate pauses, and drastically increased the quality of the language used, employing grammatical devices that are normally found in literature. I think you'll need to play the edited version of the game to see for yourself.

The scene rewrites are good. Much more fluid story development.

 

[Melmoth99]

Have you played the new version, or are you just asking?

UndeadSaints
If you did Not change or replace pictures? Please tell us what files did you replace?

 

[Melmoth99]

On the main there is a group picture with the MC 4 Futa and 2 Girls. Is the Futa with the dark hair or the tall red haired Futa in the game? I have not seen them in the game

 

[Spettet]

On the main there is a group picture with the MC 4 Futa and 2 Girls. Is the Futa with the dark hair or the tall red haired Futa in the game? I have not seen them in the game

I think the dickgirls at either side isn't in the game yet. Looks promising for new content though

 

[anon_john]

renders look good but this game is harder than dark souls

 

[DenSayL]

¿Cuántas metas tiene el personaje de Lana? Pase los 6 objetivos. estoy atascado en esto

She have 17 quest with the 0.4 version so maybe more with the 0.5 one

 

[3D Novelist]

cool looking robots dude. Are they a daz asset or self made?

 

[3D Novelist]

how do I meet the girls standing to the far left and the far right of the banner?

 

[hden6969]

how do I meet the girls standing to the far left and the far right of the banner?

TBD

 

[Benazu72]

Bit hard to figure out what to do but after you get used to that this is an amazing game. Cant wait for more content!!

 

[Deathgasm]

Next update when? Does anyone have news?

 

[Deleted member 770309]

So 4 futa and 2 girls with real beta looking MC.

 

[Drewbie]

as it should be