It's difficult to know exactly where to start, so I'll break this up into sections. It'll be long.
Why I've been gone.
Basically, near the start of the year I incurred a fairly significant debt relating building maintenance, which unfortunately required me to get a second job on top of both the game and my full-time job. I won't go into exactly what went on, since I fear I may doxx myself, but basically I got saddled with a bill for a major renovation of the building I live in, and the number was not a nice one.
Initially I tried to balance my two jobs and the game without mentioning it to anyone, since back then I worried that more news of things that would delay the update would cause issues, which obviously seems quite silly in hindsight considering the current situation, but I was fully convinced at the time that I could get the update finished despite this, and then hopefully the boost from that would reduce the amount of time I'd have to work two jobs. As it turns out, I was wrong. After a while, it started to significantly affect my ability to work on the game, as well as my mental health. I was essentially working 16 hours a day, and then trying to find time to work on the game on top of that. Sometimes I was able to during weekends, but other weekends had me working. (Technically the second job was actually two other jobs because of lack of available shifts, but most weeks it more or less balanced out to basically be about 40 hours of extra work per week)
It didn't take too long before this became unmanageable, and I found myself pretty much constantly exhausted. I stopped engaging in hobbies, stopped seeing friends, and on some days stopped eating outside of work, convincing myself that I simply didn't have time. That's been most of the year so far, and to say I'm burned out would be an understatement.
Though this doesn't explain why I haven't been in Discord, read any of my messages, or posted any updates regarding any of this. That comes down to two things. At first, I worried that making it known that I was only really able to work on the game like 5 hours a week would be a problem (Which again, seems silly in hindsight). After that it became more about not really even knowing how to explain it, and more and more so as time went on, fear of the response to my reasoning. Then it became this idea that finally posting an update without the actual game update being finished was just going to make things worse. And then finally it became a mixture of all the previous two really. Honestly, after this year so far, I don't think I was mentally equipped to face backlash, so I was kinda stuck with a snowball situation. I know it's dumb, and everything most likely would've been fine had I just kept people updated on what was going on, but for whatever reason I couldn't bring myself to do it. I have to own that, as shitty as it is. Needless to say, I do not have a bright future in community management.
What about the game?
Well, there's good news and bad news. The good news is that as of the start of August, the debt mentioned in the previous section is now fully paid off, so I've been able to quit my second jobs. Though I'll admit it does leave me feeling a little hollow having spent most of a year working those extra jobs only to end up with exactly no extra money as a result of it, but I suppose that's life.
Anyway, the bad news is that in all this time, I still haven't been able to finish the update. There were a couple of setbacks along the way like file corruption requiring me to redo certain parts, but nothing that would've stood in the way of it being released by now if I hadn't been stuck with the two job situation. Further bad news is that due to just having basically no time at all to relax or do anything except work on the game, do chores, or work, that's exactly what the game became for me. Work. I used to enjoy making it, but for the last six months I've been dreading it instead, and I don't know if that's going to change. I'll have to see what this month is like. Either way, what's already been made will have to be released, it's just what form that takes that I have to decide. I don't know how realistic it is for me to finish the update as intended, or continue the game as a whole, especially considering the next thing I need to address.
I think I learned about this later than most (As in, like a few days ago) but as I'm sure you're all aware, Visa and Mastercard recently declared war on fun again, and subsequently
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has deindexed all adult games. Halfway through writing this I checked again and it looks like a bunch of them are now back, though I'm still not fully clear on exactly how it's being decided what gets to stay, and what doesn't. My understanding is that they've tightened their rules, which doesn't fill me with great confidence regarding Stormside given the nature of the game.
So what now?
Well, I have a few things to do now that I suddenly have a lot more free time on my hands. Firstly, work out what's going on with itch. I can see the page is still there, but it's only accessible via the direct link, so I gotta work out what's going on in that regard. I can't seem to find any emails from itch, so I guess I'll have to contact their support to see what's up. I don't know if the game has already been manually reviewed and sentenced to remain deindexed, or if they're waiting for something from me, or if I have to submit a ticket or anything. That'll be the first thing for me to work out.
Secondly, work out how realistic it is for me to actually finish this stupid update considering how fucked I am at the moment (And if it isn't realistic, work out how to release what I've got in a form that's actually playable, even if not all the planned content is there.)
Those are the two main ones. I think regardless of how it turns out, I can't return to making something as complicated as Stormside is. This whole thing has pretty much completely drained me, and I don't feel the same as I once did. There was a time once when I loved the idea of making branching paths, and multiple versions of the same scene and that kinda thing, and I loved the process too. This year has killed that in me though, and now when I look at what was going on in Stormside it straight up gives me anxiety. Working on it these days feels like trying to dig a tunnel with a spoon.
I do still want to make things though. I love the creative aspect of it, and I still enjoy writing, and animating, and rendering, and making bullshit menus that track completely unnecessary and arbitrary stuff. If I were to make something else though, it would have to be far simpler. Something I could release at a reasonable rate instead of one update per 1.5 years or whatever. I suppose there are two issues with that though. Firstly, it's not a great look to even be saying this considering how many times I've said that this exact situation wouldn't happen, but here we are. There's no getting around that. I would be one of those guys who have a project they didn't finish. Secondly, it's my understanding that one of the main draws of Stormside was the branching. If I were to make something without that, I have absolutely no idea how it would be received. I think I'd still enjoy the process of making the thing if I got to focus on actually making new stuff instead of multiple versions of the same scene over and over. I've had some thoughts over the last few weeks about what kind of game I would make if I were to make another one, and I think I have a pretty good idea, but I haven't actually acted upon it yet. It would be primarily based around a fairly heavily modified version of Taliya's old storyline which I ended up scrapping because it wouldn't have worked for the Stormside setting, but could definitely work with a new setting. That's not to say it would be the same characters though. In my opinion, the Stormside girls should stay in Stormside. This would be something new. Anyway, I'll ponder that over the next few days. I expect the overwhelming response to this last massive paragraph will be something along the lines of "Fuck you, finish Stormside", but I suppose that can't really be avoided. I haven't opened my messages yet, but I expect there's some stuff in there a little worse than that after all this.
Of course, I realise this isn't the news that anyone was hoping for. I'd still like to finish Stormside at some point, because I do love the characters, as well as a lot of what was planned, I just don't think in my current headspace that it would be possible for me to ever actually get to the point of making those things which were planned without a team of people working on it, which simply isn't realistic right now. Even if it was, I don't think my head would be in it after this year so far.
To those of you who are still supporting the game, or were in the past, I'm so sorry for my lack of communication, but thank you so much for sticking around throughout my bullshit. (Or sticking around previously)
It's largely due to your support that I've been able to quit the second jobs. Otherwise, I'd probably have been stuck in 16-hour day hell for the rest of the year at least.
To those of you who just follow this page in the hope that there will be some news, I'm sorry this is the news you got.
Since I've got a month off, I'll probably try to drop into Discord at some point over the next few days once I've worked out what I'm going to do about releasing the currently completed Stormside content. (Assuming I'm even allowed in the server now that the UK government has enacted the online safety act. It'll be pretty annoying if I have to use a VPN just to access my own server.)
Sorry guys
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