- Oct 5, 2017
- 7,548
- 10,058
The girls are all really cute, however the pacing is ridiculously fast. The part the night before with April and Eve where trying to fuck them straight away being a bad end (even though I dislike fake-choice bad ends) and the actual scene with them being a fantasy? That was a great example of good pacing. But then on our very first day we have sex with Daniela?
Making April pee in front of us right away without spending any significant time building her trust was also poor pacing, though overshadowed by the fact that someone thought it was a good idea to give a young girl who just lost her parents antidepressants. That's not what those are for! Antidepressants are for treating depression, not grief. Our guy should have taken her off of them immediately (and be thinking about reporting the doctor who gave them to her for malpractice).
Then after that we see that Irina is a totally crazy bitch, bullying Ashley into sex. Our guy ought to have asserted himself and stopped her, and if the kept making a fuss about it, put her over his knee and spanked her. It's not that the sex scenes aren't hot, they definitely are, but it being our first interaction with Ashley is insane. Just letting her watch us and Irina would have been pretty extreme, let alone making her participate. I would have said something more reasonable would have been her watching the first time without getting caught, then on a later day she watches us again and does get caught, and is allowed to watch, and only on a later date should she join in, once we've all got to know each other better. If this is what a "professional writer" gave you, I think you should ask for your money back, you got totally ripped off.
Making April pee in front of us right away without spending any significant time building her trust was also poor pacing, though overshadowed by the fact that someone thought it was a good idea to give a young girl who just lost her parents antidepressants. That's not what those are for! Antidepressants are for treating depression, not grief. Our guy should have taken her off of them immediately (and be thinking about reporting the doctor who gave them to her for malpractice).
Then after that we see that Irina is a totally crazy bitch, bullying Ashley into sex. Our guy ought to have asserted himself and stopped her, and if the kept making a fuss about it, put her over his knee and spanked her. It's not that the sex scenes aren't hot, they definitely are, but it being our first interaction with Ashley is insane. Just letting her watch us and Irina would have been pretty extreme, let alone making her participate. I would have said something more reasonable would have been her watching the first time without getting caught, then on a later day she watches us again and does get caught, and is allowed to watch, and only on a later date should she join in, once we've all got to know each other better. If this is what a "professional writer" gave you, I think you should ask for your money back, you got totally ripped off.