- Oct 23, 2016
- 4,502
- 13,444
I wish I could say I have seen things you people wouldn't believe while playing this game, but I have not.
It's mostly stuff we've seen before, if not in games, then in other media.
Slight SF setting, as others have pointed out, lots of Max Payne references, basically standard Mafia/Big Corpo storyline.
Which isn't in itself bad, if it is done well, in this case it is too early to really tell, but there are problems.
Many characters are being presented, but not really introduced, in this regard, just offer a character sheet. You don't have to give too much information, just tell us who everybody is, and what relation/connection with the MC they have.
We also have way too many "tough" looking guys with dark hair, not that you can't separate them, but a bit more colour wouldn't be a bad thing. The women so far seem completely inconsequential, apart from the MC's mother.
If I could write something more positive, I would gladly do so, but nothing really gripped me.
For one, it was way too much writing. You already have the visuals, they do part of the storytelling, so don't write the story to death. The moment it doesn't grip my attention anymore, and I begin skipping, you've done too much.
This was definitely the case here. Text kept on piling up, but I didn't see anything significantly being told. It was repetitive and clearly written in a way as to hold back some information, but that sadly just made it less captivating, because that meant there was a lot of talking where basically nothing was really said.
I get it, if the character has a dark, troubled past, you need to show us that, but don't overdo it, don't show it fe. in several different times, with flashback and flash-forward.
When I read a story, I need to WANT to read it, when it becomes a chore, something is wrong.
Enough with the negative criticism, the writing has its problems, but it's not terrible, it's workable, but definitely has room to improve.
The English is fine, you will not have a problem understanding it, it also isn't riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. There are a few pretty obvious ones, so a second check for them would be a good idea, I think.
The Renders are good, for me personally, they are a bit too dark and sombre, but it's obviously the intended look, so that is basically just going a bit against my taste here. This is a crime story, it is noir-inspired, it is fine that it is so bleak and grim, even in the visuals, but just me personally, I would have preferred a bit of colour and light here and there to off-set the rest.
But again, the renders are good, the rest is merely my personal preference/taste, and doesn't detract from the overall quality.
TL, DR: So far the story is not particularly original, and it definitely feels overwritten, but the potential is there, story-wise we just don't know yet where it could go. And let's be honest here, considering the quality of the English in many games here, that this VN is written in good English, with acceptable grammar and spelling is already a definite plus (sad as that might be when regarding the average quality of games here)
There are problems, there are definitely ways to improve this, but it's not a horrible start, if the part in the spoiler doesn't become a central part of the plot, this is definitely a game to check out a few updates in.
Mind you, I am judging what is there, not what could be there at some point. Going from that, this is an okay start for a game, not good, not bad.
It's mostly stuff we've seen before, if not in games, then in other media.
Slight SF setting, as others have pointed out, lots of Max Payne references, basically standard Mafia/Big Corpo storyline.
Which isn't in itself bad, if it is done well, in this case it is too early to really tell, but there are problems.
Many characters are being presented, but not really introduced, in this regard, just offer a character sheet. You don't have to give too much information, just tell us who everybody is, and what relation/connection with the MC they have.
We also have way too many "tough" looking guys with dark hair, not that you can't separate them, but a bit more colour wouldn't be a bad thing. The women so far seem completely inconsequential, apart from the MC's mother.
If I could write something more positive, I would gladly do so, but nothing really gripped me.
For one, it was way too much writing. You already have the visuals, they do part of the storytelling, so don't write the story to death. The moment it doesn't grip my attention anymore, and I begin skipping, you've done too much.
This was definitely the case here. Text kept on piling up, but I didn't see anything significantly being told. It was repetitive and clearly written in a way as to hold back some information, but that sadly just made it less captivating, because that meant there was a lot of talking where basically nothing was really said.
I get it, if the character has a dark, troubled past, you need to show us that, but don't overdo it, don't show it fe. in several different times, with flashback and flash-forward.
When I read a story, I need to WANT to read it, when it becomes a chore, something is wrong.
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Enough with the negative criticism, the writing has its problems, but it's not terrible, it's workable, but definitely has room to improve.
The English is fine, you will not have a problem understanding it, it also isn't riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. There are a few pretty obvious ones, so a second check for them would be a good idea, I think.
The Renders are good, for me personally, they are a bit too dark and sombre, but it's obviously the intended look, so that is basically just going a bit against my taste here. This is a crime story, it is noir-inspired, it is fine that it is so bleak and grim, even in the visuals, but just me personally, I would have preferred a bit of colour and light here and there to off-set the rest.
But again, the renders are good, the rest is merely my personal preference/taste, and doesn't detract from the overall quality.
TL, DR: So far the story is not particularly original, and it definitely feels overwritten, but the potential is there, story-wise we just don't know yet where it could go. And let's be honest here, considering the quality of the English in many games here, that this VN is written in good English, with acceptable grammar and spelling is already a definite plus (sad as that might be when regarding the average quality of games here)
There are problems, there are definitely ways to improve this, but it's not a horrible start, if the part in the spoiler doesn't become a central part of the plot, this is definitely a game to check out a few updates in.
Mind you, I am judging what is there, not what could be there at some point. Going from that, this is an okay start for a game, not good, not bad.
