I have to say, the use of "I did not break" by older luna came out of nowhere and in the wrong context. There was no reason for her to react like that after easily killing those folks. The whole scene lacks substance. I will explain why. The only way a real person would enter a traumatic shock like that is after experiencing TRAUMA. She didn't lose to those guys, she did not get beaten, she did not get kidnapped and tortured for Deluca information.
She just killed a few folks and displayed PTSD behaviour without experiencing the behavioural trigger. Only a real natural trigger such as the one I mentioned above can indeed push someone overboard into her facial expressions and the quote "I did not break". We find out later where the quote comes from and it ties nicely into the story but there's a massive hole that simply doesn't explain her behaviour and uttered words.
I understand you're borrowing scenes from famous and not so famous movies. Like the one (NAKED WEAPON year 2002) with the three young girls trained to be assassins until they grow up and in order for their training to be complete, Madam M in charge of the operation drugs them and has them raped by some three randoms so that they are not virgin anymore in order to complete seduction type assassinations amongst other things. Or Salt where young girls are paired with other girls for training and then asked to kill each other to complete their training. Or Kingsmen where young spies are asked to care for a pet for a long time and then force them to kill their pet to complete one stage of the training. Or the movie PET year 2016 with the girl kidnapped and trapped into a cage and forced to do bizarre things.
There are scenes borrowed from Godfather, John Wick, Kingsmen, Salt, Azumi, Kite .. etc. But that's OK.
This is not a complaint. But I want to point out that the scenes in those movies have substance behind them. If you really decided to continue this game as a story based game then you have to constantly ask the question "Why?".
Every time you finish a new scene, watch it, split it into chapters and always ask the question "Why". If you do that, then you'll avoid running into troublesome plot holes such as the Luna PTSD I did not break moment. Because in that particular case, the question "Why" would have lead you to re-write the story part right before it happened so that the whole scene warrants her behavioural display, ties into the scenario, and completely makes sense.
As it stands at the moment. When I watch that scene and I ask myself "Why?", Why does she express PTSD disorder both facially and verbally for the first time, out of nowhere and without it being triggered, I have no answer. There is no catalyst to induce the scene. Do you understand what I'm talking about somewhat? It's all about context and substance.
As an example, in SCARFACE, the character Tony Montana starts shouting "Say hello to my lil' friend" and goes all out guns blazing. When asking the question "Why", Why would a man like that do such a thing when he could just about do anything else. Like run away through the back door, out the window or simply hide somewhere or break down crying in fear. He does none of those because there IS in fact an answer to the question "Why".
The answer to why? : Because there is no way out, no back door, there are assassins everywhere surrounding the entire mansion, there is nowhere to hide, he is not the type of man to break out crying and he is in shock after many of his men and Gina are killed while riding the highest high on a mountain of cocaine turning delirious AND therefore wants to go out all guns blazing! Which is exactly why he does so! The whole scene explains itself.
Also a suggestion: I wouldn't mind if you add more Mafia scenes and story similar to the ones in LA BELLA MAFIA. Which is just as good as The Godfather. Heck, you can even borrow scenes from The Darkness. The Mafia Game where the main character keeps seeing his dead girlfriend/wife, re living the past memories vividly on a constant basis, whenever he is alone after coming home from the daily rampage.
