Well ... MC is talking about his ma one start of the game .. then he wakes up next to his ma ..
only this is another babe and shje really acts like his ma, being all worried and stuff.
MC is kind of a downer, but he has some spunk, working to put money aside,
plotting to use that money to buy into a game with other people, then showing initiative in
going for the girl he befriended in the game. That girl prety much shuts him down
before she takes her own initiative and decides to have some fun with MC.
Pretty much hunger games/maze movies all over again.
MC is skipping a lot of time and people in the game, the girls have the initiative, MC has not.
maybe his brain was turned into pulp during his fall
No worries, I understand your point. They are in chapter 3 and then will not return until chapter 7 I think, just in case you wanted to give it another shot. Either way no hard feelings. Thank you for your feedback and for at least trying out my story.
The twins and TKA have a unique relationship with the MC. I will say the twins do not trust the MC when they meet him, so they treat him just like any other male they meet. They are just doing a favor for Alexis. Their relationship and trust will be built over time but in a much different way.
The problem is, this is a harem about girls who MC is supposed to collect in said harem.
There seems to be nothing gained but hurt feelings for MC to see some jerk flaunt his sex slaves around.
You could make it that the dude would befriend the MC or include him in the scene.
The way the scene is right now, MC is the beggar nobody idiot and the Chad jerk shits on MC.
Did you put Milf in this game
I have a question about the word " Chad "
Chad in this game, unfortunately, is about some other male who flaunts his ”slaves”,
because they both are his and they wear sex slave collars, all in the face of MC.
Unfortunatelly, this is not lighting the fire inside MC and is not promoting his manlyness,
have to agree, all that posturing how they are this or that to spite MC is in bad taste,
precisely as MC is living on borrowed time from Alexis, he is down and they are twisting the dagger deep.
Such scenes work if MC was Dominic toretto,
or the rock, or any male lead in a plot oriented story with real chops as the protagonist.
MC is written like a nobody some girls show pity to, so the chad scenes feel totally out of place:
”Look at us, we have so much ourselves, not you, you dumb fuck, HA Ha HA!”
Then the Chad twsits the dagger further: ”They are mine, you looser, we spite you so much, you idiot!”
MC lost all the character development from the life before the fire.
Now a punching bag for assholes who like to belittle and shit on him for sport.
This kind of toxic bitchy friends destory all possible development for MC, they just exist to hinder him every time.
These bitches even scared off Lilly, the one girl actually supporting MC. This is a total regression period for MC.