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x
Dec 11, 2021
252
314
Hi,

Thank for the game.

Unfortunately, I didn't really enjoyed it..

- typos, grammar, spaces and writing in general are often all over the place - sometimes I don't even understand what the say... the sense is lost due to the grammar etc..

- That secretary and the niece are nice, the rest not so, ah, the step sister is also ok, but the boss and neighbour (ugly face as well) are fat ass chubby.. not my cup of tea.

- Arr.. ar...Arr.. they are all pirates...

- why is the secretary calling me "my guy"? should it not be boss or something like this?

Good luck and maybe it will improved, would love to see more of the secretary and the niece... but even in the end is a typo.. it just makes it looking sloppy done..


Regards
 
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Jan 28, 2019
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This is a weird experience so far, just based on the writing.

The english has enough polish to it that it seems written by a native speaker.... but one who words things weirdly. That's honestly easy to get past.

But the weird grammar has you re-reading lines on occasion, and the non-capitalization of some words that should be capitalized, and the oddly placed capitalization of random words, makes the game hard to play.
I know it feels like a weird complaint, but when a story is being told by written word, things that throw you off when reading can be quite jarring.
 
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Mario4don

Your Mother's Lover
Donor
Dec 16, 2018
5,511
6,436
Seriously ?
What a stupid idea that a dev gives us the ability to set up a relationship at the beginning of the game and thus falsely pretends that this could be an incest game but no matter what kind of relationship we set up we still get the information that this person is not blood related to MC so I wonder what the hell all this fuss is about that we can set up our own relationships if it doesn't change anything anyway.
Unless the purpose of this is that the dev is trying to entice the huge incest fan base, which is quite numerous here, but if so, every incest fan will see right after launching the game that they have been deceived by the information in the game tags that it has incest.
So sorry but falsely advertising game as containing incest is not going to make it more popular anyway.
 

BigPaul

Active Member
Modder
Oct 9, 2017
718
1,702
Nice game good start nice rendering but typos, grammar, spaces and writing a little bad, should be looked through again and revised.
I have make a German translation
 

-CookieMonster666-

Message Maven
Nov 20, 2018
12,024
17,836
One suggestion if the dev follows this thread when you give us the option to label a relationship other than the default being friend maybe a hint as to who this person is to us historically speaking. Like were we neighbors did we live in the same house no spoilers or anything just something to help guide us in deciding... Luckily I guessed correctly or at least I think I did.
I think it's pretty clear what the relationship between Ashley (or whatever you renamed her to) and the MC is. If you keep the default as "Friend", then after she pretends to get offended she uses the phrase "baby Friend". I don't think any native speaker of English would ever use the phrase "baby friend". They might use "childhood friend", but not "baby friend". They would, however, use "baby sister". It's pretty obvious what's intended here. And you can easily roll back to where you define her relationship, so it's easy to get it as intended from the very beginning.
If Ashley is my sister, why is she black? Isn't MC white? I was confused on what our relationship was til she said something about going to live with their mother.
As for the racial difference, it's very possible they only share one parent. If their mom is white but the MC's dad is white while Ashley's is black, you would have the difference you see. Also, the MC thinks to himself about "the first time I met her", which could imply that one parent is related to the MC by blood, and the other parent is related to Ashley by blood. Then they would be step-siblings, but it would seem to fit better given that the MC "met her". Either way, I'm frankly surprised we don't see differences like this more often in VNs.
Ashley is his stepsister or adoptive sister, I'm pretty sure.
It's the only thing that makes his "when I first met her..." comment make sense.
I'm glad someone else picked up on that.
 
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bobdillan

Forum Fanatic
Nov 18, 2016
4,477
10,654
SpeedPostx A couple of things:

1. Apply for dev tag (ask a mod, or make a ticket).
2. Remove incest tag from thread. Reason: Thread tags are for content currently in the game, since yours is a planned and not yet implemented it is currently a false tag. (assuming it is still planned, if already in then disregard this, and update the dev notes :p )
 
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Gosamr

Member
May 6, 2021
334
474
its almost as off-putting as the writers choice to add 'Arr' to the dialogue far too often.
Yeah, I agree, though I'm assuming he's just trying to make the story more inclusive for pirates.

I am really enjoying this story though. It does seem to me that, if it's handled right, it does have pretty good potential.
 

tohaib

Newbie
Aug 12, 2020
66
22
is this a choose single love route kind of game or will there also be a harem path? i hope planned harem and tnx for the game
 

TheDick69+

Active Member
Jun 29, 2021
654
1,016
This had some ups and downs, but more ups than downs. So I'll continue to play it: Ups: LI's Downs: The grammar (especially Capital Letters :ROFLMAO:) and some spelling.
 

goulet1995

Well-Known Member
Sep 30, 2021
1,452
2,929
I think it's pretty clear what the relationship between Ashley (or whatever you renamed her to) and the MC is. If you keep the default as "Friend", then after she pretends to get offended she uses the phrase "baby Friend". I don't think any native speaker of English would ever use the phrase "baby friend". They might use "childhood friend", but not "baby friend". They would, however, use "baby sister". It's pretty obvious what's intended here. And you can easily roll back to where you define her relationship, so it's easy to get it as intended from the very beginning.

As for the racial difference, it's very possible they only share one parent. If their mom is white but the MC's dad is white while Ashley's is black, you would have the difference you see. Also, the MC thinks to himself about "the first time I met her", which could imply that one parent is related to the MC by blood, and the other parent is related to Ashley by blood. Then they would be step-siblings, but it would seem to fit better given that the MC "met her". Either way, I'm frankly surprised we don't see differences like this more often in VNs.

I'm glad someone else picked up on that.
dont know if it was a fix after you had played but in her introduction it says blood dosnt bind them but fate does
 

-CookieMonster666-

Message Maven
Nov 20, 2018
12,024
17,836
dont know if it was a fix after you had played but in her introduction it says blood dosnt bind them but fate does
I would say that is the mistake and not the other references. To my mind, too many instances of the other text more than outweigh a small inconsistency caused by this.

It's possible the developer shifted part of the way through development and changed their mind about incest (either intending to imply it or intending to remove it; this is a little unclear). If that's true, though, this needs to be cleaned up to resolve the question. To me, it still very much feels like incest was intended, at least originally. I'm agnostic on incest, so I couldn't care less in the bigger picture of the story, though. I'm merely pointing out how the game and its dialogues / text have come across to me based on what's been released so far.
 
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3.60 star(s) 34 Votes