Hmmmm ok....
A few spelling mistakes aside, it's written mostly well, and it's in English too (if we ignore the Aussie 'how you going' instead of doing hehe). The dialogue is janky at times, I'm not going to lie, along with a few of the renders, but Goa already knows this so not point in dwelling on this aspect. I do think some of the transitions are a little quick, by that I mean, at times it seems to swap around from scene to scene to location to location pretty fast. It's a little jarring.
I also cannot believe you had the balls Goa to include a girl that openly also fucks your idiot brother. Bold move my friend, bold move, but for me (and I'm sure many others), instantly turns me off her character (not because she a whore, but what she says about us specifically but still happy to ride our brother), especially when she says she hasn't had a cock since you left (but we then find out only because your brother has been too busy lol). Pick one of the girls in the brothel, she then stays with your brother...bold dude....bold. I have no idea if she is actually a LI or just s side piece...but yeah. Bro can keep her. Surprised no one else has brought this up yet.
Overall though it's fun and enjoyable, lot of content here in a first release and the story is interesting enough currently to stick with and see where it heads. Overall pretty good job mate and as said earlier, I wish you all the best with it.