VN Ren'Py The Lusanti Chronicles [Ch.1 v1.0] [Grumpy Old Aussie]

[SpaceLordSean]

I also cannot believe you had the balls Goa to include a girl that openly also fucks your idiot brother. Bold move my friend, bold move, but for me (and I'm sure many others), instantly turns me off her character (not because she a whore, but what she says about us specifically but still happy to ride our brother), especially when she says she hasn't had a cock since you left (but we then find out only because your brother has been too busy lol). Pick one of the girls in the brothel, she then stays with your brother...bold dude....bold. I have no idea if she is actually a LI or just s side piece...but yeah. Bro can keep her. Surprised no one else has brought this up yet.

eh she is basically just a whore you can also reject her and leave her behind

 

[CheyenneFilter]

The only thing more terrifying than real life Australia is real life Australian women.

All too true.

 

[Maviarab]

eh she is basically just a whore you can also reject her and leave her behind

You think I don't know this?

 

[Grumpy Old Aussie]

just started and I must say most excellent. the only thing I ask is to not use the standard white lighting as comes with daz everone does it. very few change background light color I mean sunset is not usually white is it. try some yellow, orange sunlight coming through the window. other than that I am loving this great story so far. thanks again for the share.

You are corect. I have since picked up some nice assets to improve that. I'm pleased with them, much better.

It seems the choices don't matter when it comes to the ladies, I got dialogue stating I did stuff with women when I didn't select that option. If the story is going to progress along a linear path regardless of the choices, why include a choice in the first place? Overall it's an interesting story but the code and variables need to be cleaned up.

Hmm, can you DM which scene that is please. It shouldn't be the case.

 

[Tyrranus]

ok now that Ive played it. Im shockingly impressed by the amount of content here.
The dialogue needs a little polish but was overall well done
Character models are good, could use a bit more diversity of body style among the women.
Theres a solid foundation here.

Now the negatives....
The characters are often posed in awkward and/or exaggerated ways.
Similarly, the facial expressions are also quite often very awkward and/or exaggerated. Its quite jarring and takes away a LOT of the appeal here

If those get fixed and the writing polished a little theres a real gem waiting to come out of this.

 

[Grumpy Old Aussie]

View attachment 4913046

for the love of god leave temeria out of this haven't they suffered enough? xD

They don't suffer much in this one. What can I say, I do love that game.

Hmmmm ok....

A few spelling mistakes aside, it's written mostly well, and it's in English too (if we ignore the Aussie 'how you going' instead of doing hehe). The dialogue is janky at times, I'm not going to lie, along with a few of the renders, but Goa already knows this so not point in dwelling on this aspect. I do think some of the transitions are a little quick, by that I mean, at times it seems to swap around from scene to scene to location to location pretty fast. It's a little jarring.

I also cannot believe you had the balls Goa to include a girl that openly also fucks your idiot brother. Bold move my friend, bold move, but for me (and I'm sure many others), instantly turns me off her character (not because she a whore, but what she says about us specifically but still happy to ride our brother), especially when she says she hasn't had a cock since you left (but we then find out only because your brother has been too busy lol). Pick one of the girls in the brothel, she then stays with your brother...bold dude....bold. I have no idea if she is actually a LI or just s side piece...but yeah. Bro can keep her. Surprised no one else has brought this up yet.

Overall though it's fun and enjoyable, lot of content here in a first release and the story is interesting enough currently to stick with and see where it heads. Overall pretty good job mate and as said earlier, I wish you all the best with it.

Ugh thought I got all the spelling mistakes. That is the problem when you look at something again and again, you don't see it. Just let me know mate and I'll fix them or anything else. You know me, I don't mind constructive feedback. Ch2 shouldn't be too far away.

The first two chapters pretty much introduce many of the main characters and the game world. It was always going to be a bit clunky unfortunately. It smooths out.

So mean. Poor Livvy. She doesn't really have a choice. She is basically a peasant in the scheme of things and she can hardly say no to a royal. She was just a play thing. The friendship with the MC developed along the way. Her story is more complex than it appears.

 

[Saphfire]

Yeah, i am not that happy either with Olivia, but you explained it to me so i am a ok.

 

[Tyrranus]

olivia is fine imo.... one of the most 'real' women there honestly.... maybe thats why all the hate for her

 

[Grumpy Old Aussie]

ok now that Ive played it. Im shockingly impressed by the amount of content here.
The dialogue needs a little polish but was overall well done
Character models are good, could use a bit more diversity of body style among the women.
Theres a solid foundation here.

Now the negatives....
The characters are often posed in awkward and/or exaggerated ways.
Similarly, the facial expressions are also quite often very awkward and/or exaggerated. Its quite jarring and takes away a LOT of the appeal here

If those get fixed and the writing polished a little theres a real gem waiting to come out of this.

Fair criticism. I wrote about the need to rework the first two chapters in another post, so I won't double up.

I was caught by surprise with how different writing novels and writing VNs are. I started out with walls of text basically. It's been a challenge to completely change my writing mindset. How well I've adjusted is up for debate, but I think I've come a long way. Hopefully I will continue to improve with each update.

I'm always open to constructive criticism. Feel free to DM me any specifics.

 

[Grumpy Old Aussie]

It seems the choices don't matter when it comes to the ladies, I got dialogue stating I did stuff with women when I didn't select that option. If the story is going to progress along a linear path regardless of the choices, why include a choice in the first place? Overall it's an interesting story but the code and variables need to be cleaned up.

Livvy and Jacinta being left behind? I see where I messed up there. A case of looking at something so many times you can't see the forest for the trees. I'll fix that for the next update, or include it in a hotfix.

 

[Posseman]

Hmm, can you DM which scene that is please. It shouldn't be the case.

For me it happened three times, the first one I didn't select anyone at the brothel and just stayed with Olivia, the next day while talking to James it was discussed the MC having sex at the brothel. The second time I opted not to go further with Charlotte (I think her name is) at the mother's gathering but then Olivia talked about seeing the MC come out of a room with Charlotte all hot and bothered, which didn't happen. And finally the Mage lady, I think her name is Jacinta, offered a handy the night the King ordered the MC to take of the Stone Throne, I turned her down and the assassin lady was all like, thanks for the show.

 

[UnoriginalUserName]

Oh shit, Grumpy Old Aussie just "released" all over F95. Yeah, I made it weird.

Grats man.

 

[Grumpy Old Aussie]

For me it happened three times, the first one I didn't select anyone at the brothel and just stayed with Olivia, the next day while talking to James it was discussed the MC having sex at the brothel. The second time I opted not to go further with Charlotte (I think her name is) at the mother's gathering but then Olivia talked about seeing the MC come out of a room with Charlotte all hot and bothered, which didn't happen. And finally the Mage lady, I think her name is Jacinta, offered a handy the night the King ordered the MC to take of the Stone Throne, I turned her down and the assassin lady was all like, thanks for the show.

Thanks for that. I'll check those out and include them in the next fix or update. I appreciate the feedback.

 

[kazeiheikaya]

A lot of potential but JESUS Some of these faces in these renders, please Yenna's fine tho, her goofy faces are great.
Carnifex could also use some slight shades darker to her hair. It's just a little too vibrant orange makes her look a bit cartoony in my honest opinion.

All in all I'm enjoying the world building, some of the dialogue is a bit hectic at times (ie: the elf princess and mc prince introduce to each other, then she continues trying to dissect "which" brother the prince is after his name was said outright), almost feels broken english-y at times (no offense), but otherwise I'm pretty interested in seeing where it goes.

It is a bit jarring to write a VN instead of a book, since you're basically "script" writing, so I get the early issues, you'll figure it out

 

[MiltonPowers]

Thanks for that. I'll check those out and include them in the next fix or update. I appreciate the feedback.

Congrats GOA. Another one to add to my list. (I'll push it right up to the top, keen to see what you have for us).

 

[Scooter_Tramp]

They don't suffer much in this one. What can I say, I do love that game.


Ugh thought I got all the spelling mistakes. That is the problem when you look at something again and again, you don't see it. Just let me know mate and I'll fix them or anything else. You know me, I don't mind constructive feedback. Ch2 shouldn't be too far away.

The first two chapters pretty much introduce many of the main characters and the game world. It was always going to be a bit clunky unfortunately. It smooths out.

So mean. Poor Livvy. She doesn't really have a choice. She is basically a peasant in the scheme of things and she can hardly say no to a royal. She was just a play thing. The friendship with the MC developed along the way. Her story is more complex than it appears.

Her story will stop a lot of people from playing this. I get what you are eluding to, but, when I see "I only fuck your brother and you, but I love you..." you need to throw up the "unavoidable" NTR tag. I did the bathtub thing with her then went back and undid it, then went to a whorehouse where it only got worse then deleted your game an hour in! Not interested in her station in life, not interested in further character development, just not interested in sharing or going any further! I wish I knew that in advance as I would have just passed over this game...

 

[Nurikabe]

I also cannot believe you had the balls Goa to include a girl that openly also fucks your idiot brother. Bold move my friend, bold move, but for me (and I'm sure many others), instantly turns me off her character (not because she a whore, but what she says about us specifically but still happy to ride our brother), especially when she says she hasn't had a cock since you left (but we then find out only because your brother has been too busy lol). Pick one of the girls in the brothel, she then stays with your brother...bold dude....bold. I have no idea if she is actually a LI or just s side piece...but yeah. Bro can keep her. Surprised no one else has brought this up yet.

She is my favorite character so far. I have never understood why people have a problem with these kinds of things in adult-themed games. She clearly has a thing for our Prince, but because of her life and position, she has been treated unfairly and poorly—fiction meets reality.

Her story will stop a lot of people from playing this. I get what you are eluding to, but, when I see "I only fuck your brother and you, but I love you..." you need to throw up the "unavoidable" NTR tag.

That is not NTR. Nobody is stolen. There is no attempt to create feelings of loss or jealousy in the player/MC. At most, she is shared consensually.

 

[Grumpy Old Aussie]

Her story will stop a lot of people from playing this. I get what you are eluding to, but, when I see "I only fuck your brother and you, but I love you..." you need to throw up the "unavoidable" NTR tag. I did the bathtub thing with her then went back and undid it, then went to a whorehouse where it only got worse then deleted your game an hour in! Not interested in her station in life, not interested in further character development, just not interested in sharing or going any further! I wish I knew that in advance as I would have just passed over this game...

Fair enough, people like different things. Thanks for trying the game.

I would only add:

Spoiler: spoiler

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[Grumpy Old Aussie]

A lot of potential but JESUS Some of these faces in these renders, please Yenna's fine tho, her goofy faces are great.
Carnifex could also use some slight shades darker to her hair. It's just a little too vibrant orange makes her look a bit cartoony in my honest opinion.

Your not the first to say that and I agree. I have work to do there. The good news is, I'm improving all the time and I'll keep working at it.

All in all I'm enjoying the world building, some of the dialogue is a bit hectic at times (ie: the elf princess and mc prince introduce to each other, then she continues trying to dissect "which" brother the prince is after his name was said outright), almost feels broken english-y at times (no offense), but otherwise I'm pretty interested in seeing where it goes.

The Elven Princess knows the MC is a prince. The names don't mean anything to her as human leaders come and go. She has just heard about one prince being a bad prince and one being decent. She just doesn't know if the MC is the bad prince or the decent prince. Maybe that isn't clear in the dialogue. I'll have a look at that again.

I can tell you this, every scene in the opening chapter serves a purpose. They either reveal game Lore or are stepping stones to more story. For example, if you don't go back to see Rebecca and stay at the floodwaters, it leads to a scene with Yenna. That isn't the end of that, that choice leads to more in chapter two you won't see unless you take that option in ch1. Charlotte's lewd scene isn't there for show, that serves a further purpose that is revealed later on. Ashley being a warrior nun and then suddenly a Baroness tutoring the prince is in both places for a reason. And so on.

It is a bit jarring to write a VN instead of a book, since you're basically "script" writing, so I get the early issues, you'll figure it out

It's a very different beast that is for sure. I'm enjoying the challenge though.

 

[Ceolag]

Good luck with your game, GOA.
As a famous benefactor once said: we will watch your career with great interest.