VN Ren'Py The Lusanti Chronicles [Ch.1 v1.0] [Grumpy Old Aussie]

[jadepaladin]

Overall, I really like this.

There's plenty of issues I have with it. The faces for instance, kill me. Some are pure nightmare fuel. That kind of stuff probably gets better with time and harping about it here won't do much.

I feel at points it's exposition heavy, which I have to power through. It's as though this would make a great book but not everything is translating well into the VN medium.

Character wise, I like everyone I've met so far, or at least understand their purpose in the story. Duchess Rhyder (I thought it was Ryder for a long time) looks like a zombie.

 

[ChubbyFatBoy]

There won't be any family sex scenes unless cousins count

Oh no that wasn't about incest. Person I replied to had responded to someone else. Who brought up the fact that one of the LIs.... Olivia? I believe is her name. Was sexually active and it was with the brother. That's what I was talking about with the family bit. Like that situation will be a turn off for some in general. But the family involvement could make it worse.

With that said! That does answer a question I had in the back of my mind. On whether we were going to take a page out of some old royal family history. And just start fucking the family tree up. Since we got a bit of mom's history. And she got the full body up and down view. That looked to be for those we could have an interest in. So I became curious. But that answers that so.

 

[Grumpy Old Aussie]

Oh no that wasn't about incest. Person I replied to had responded to someone else. Who brought up the fact that one of the LIs.... Olivia? I believe is her name. Was sexually active and it was with the brother. That's what I was talking about with the family bit. Like that situation will be a turn off for some in general. But the family involvement could make it worse.

With that said! That does answer a question I had in the back of my mind. On whether we were going to take a page out of some old royal family history. And just start fucking the family tree up. Since we got a bit of mom's history. And she got the full body up and down view. That looked to be for those we could have an interest in. So I became curious. But that answers that so.

That was me being indulgent. I think she is cute.

 

[jadepaladin]

I was trying to sell Maviarab on that Countess ex-gf of the MC being a LI because she got the panning shot treatment.

 

[Grumpy Old Aussie]

Overall, I really like this.

There's plenty of issues I have with it. The faces for instance, kill me. Some are pure nightmare fuel. That kind of stuff probably gets better with time and harping about it here won't do much.

The faces have been brought up a few times. I am doing a lot better with faces now. It is a learning curve. I'll have to replace the worst ones asap, replacing them all will take time as I would like to keep the story going.

I feel at points it's exposition heavy, which I have to power through. It's as though this would make a great book but not everything is translating well into the VN medium.

You caught me, going from writing novels to VNs has been difficult, but interesting. It seems I'm still didn't get it quite right. Hopefully, you will stick around for ch2 and let me know if I have improved the experience. My first intro was walls of text. .

Character wise, I like everyone I've met so far, or at least understand their purpose in the story. Duchess Rhyder (I thought it was Ryder for a long time) looks like a zombie.

You learn more about the Duchess later. She isn't a zombie, but her look is not accidental either. She isn't a major character, but she has a two-fold role to play in the scheme of things.

 

[Grumpy Old Aussie]

I was trying to sell Maviarab on that Countess ex-gf of the MC being a LI because she got the panning shot treatment.

You haven't seen the last of Tabitha.

 

[FatGiant]

The faces have been brought up a few times. I am doing a lot better with faces now. It is a learning curve. I'll have to replace the worst ones asap, replacing them all will take time as I would like to keep the story going.


You caught me, going from writing novels to VNs has been difficult, but interesting. It seems I'm still didn't get it quite right. Hopefully, you will stick around for ch2 and let me know if I have improved the experience. My first intro was walls of text. .


You learn more about the Duchess later. She isn't a zombie, but her look is not accidental either. She isn't a major character, but she has a two-fold role to play in the scheme of things.

The faces issue comes from 2 factors, inexperience and a desire to convey meaning with the facial expressions. I think we all get it.

The only help I can provide is to say, "Less is more". Subtlety works way better. Yes, sometimes it is needed to put a bit more oompf on the expressions, just make sure it doesn't become caricatural.

If you allow me, a suggestion about the Tome of Insight: Don't open all the entries right from the start. Open them as we meet the character, or, the place, or, the historical event is mentioned.

If you pass the exposition heavy parts to the ToI, you'll keep the dialogues light and easy, and anyone that is more Lore oriented, can be alerted to that via a GUI notification. This way, if someone wants to replay this, they don't HAVE to read it all again.

Another point I wanted to make, you use too many breaks. What is that you ask? The black screens with yellow letters. Then you put the map, then you go for the first render. My suggestion would be to put the minor breaks as Narrator text on the Map render.

You also made 3 breaks for the Book 1, Chapter 1, etc... You could put all that information in one screen. I understand from where that comes, but, in spite of being a Novel, this medium has a different set of rules. It's not a BIG deal, but, it is a bit of an annoyance.

The Full body scan. 3 clicks for it, is two too much. Suggestion: Instead of a "forced" render that you have to click 3 times to get rid off, a notification that it was added to the Portraits gallery, so anyone that is interested, can go and see. It breaks the flow and to be brutally honest, the clothed ones add nothing of interest (IMO).

Now, for a subject that is always a matter of personal taste.

The semi-transparent background for the text. Give the users the option to change it's opacity. Better yet, get rid of it and put a borderline on the text. That is the first problem with it. The second one, when making your renders, place the camera in such a way that that part of the screen that will be used by the text background, doesn't have any relevant content.

Good job with the Stats window. I would suggest that you include on the Quick Menu, Links to the ToI, the Portraits and eventually the Gallery for ease of use.

Sorry for this long abuse of your time, I had to get it out of my head.

Peace

 

[Scooter_Tramp]

Actually, as previously mentioned, it isn't NTR.

Will it stop some people from playing it?

Yeah, some... as for some reason, some people seem to think that in a game they play, the only dick that should ever enter another female is their own... and, interestingly enough, seem to think that if that isn't the case, it is suddenly 'NTR'.

I also find it strange that, those who get terribly upset with the idea of another character getting their dick wet or shown in a game, that they need to dramatically express how terribly offended they were by this fact and how they feel slighted or victimized and that the creator needs to know how they just had to 'delete' the game!!

Jesus, it is just a game... not a fucking airport, you really DON'T need to announce your departure!

Oh... and and Scooter_Tramp, some advice... DO NOT play my games, you think what you experienced here was bad and 'NTR'? Then you are REALLY going to want to AVOID my game... because *gasp* I have ACTUAL 'NTR' in mine!

So, let' me just save you the trouble in advance.

You're welcome.

No need for a heads up, if you tag it properly, I won't even bother, let alone comment. Disagree on the your assessment that a LI fucking somone else while professing her love to you isn't NTR though???

I have no issue with NTR games, I get it I like shit that other people don't like too. If there is a NTR tag I will just avoid the game not spam the thread asking if it is avoidable or not, I move on, there are plenty of other games here.

 

[Mike Hunt TG]

I'm really enjoying this! Love a well-written fantasy VN! Other than a bunch of "your" that should be "you're" and "too" that should be "to", the dialogue is intelligent and often witty. The art is great. One thing I would request is a setting for the text box transparency. I find myself hitting H often just to be able to see the whole scene, and not just the sex scenes.

 

[Grumpy Old Aussie]

The faces issue comes from 2 factors, inexperience and a desire to convey meaning with the facial expressions. I think we all get it.

The only help I can provide is to say, "Less is more". Subtlety works way better. Yes, sometimes it is needed to put a bit more oompf on the expressions, just make sure it doesn't become caricatural.

If you allow me, a suggestion about the Tome of Insight: Don't open all the entries right from the start. Open them as we meet the character, or, the place, or, the historical event is mentioned.

If you pass the exposition heavy parts to the ToI, you'll keep the dialogues light and easy, and anyone that is more Lore oriented, can be alerted to that via a GUI notification. This way, if someone wants to replay this, they don't HAVE to read it all again.

Another point I wanted to make, you use too many breaks. What is that you ask? The black screens with yellow letters. Then you put the map, then you go for the first render. My suggestion would be to put the minor breaks as Narrator text on the Map render.

You also made 3 breaks for the Book 1, Chapter 1, etc... You could put all that information in one screen. I understand from where that comes, but, in spite of being a Novel, this medium has a different set of rules. It's not a BIG deal, but, it is a bit of an annoyance.

The Full body scan. 3 clicks for it, is two too much. Suggestion: Instead of a "forced" render that you have to click 3 times to get rid off, a notification that it was added to the Portraits gallery, so anyone that is interested, can go and see. It breaks the flow and to be brutally honest, the clothed ones add nothing of interest (IMO).

Now, for a subject that is always a matter of personal taste.

The semi-transparent background for the text. Give the users the option to change it's opacity. Better yet, get rid of it and put a borderline on the text. That is the first problem with it. The second one, when making your renders, place the camera in such a way that that part of the screen that will be used by the text background, doesn't have any relevant content.

Good job with the Stats window. I would suggest that you include on the Quick Menu, Links to the ToI, the Portraits and eventually the Gallery for ease of use.

Sorry for this long abuse of your time, I had to get it out of my head.

Peace

Thanks for the feedback I appreciate it. A lot to unpack in your post I'll need time to work through all that. Thanks for taking the time and effort to put it together.

 

[Wolfram99]

The last screen is weirdly cropped

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Some grammaticals.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

 

[Grumpy Old Aussie]

I'm really enjoying this! Love a well-written fantasy VN! Other than a bunch of "your" that should be "you're" and "too" that should be "to", the dialogue is intelligent and often witty. The art is great. One thing I would request is a setting for the text box transparency. I find myself hitting H often just to be able to see the whole scene, and not just the sex scenes.

I've decide grammar checkers are useless and I've got an editor going through it for me this weekend. Maybe my Australian confused it
Textbox transparency has been requested a few times. I've added it to my to do list. I'm also mindful of it as well. The new renders I'm making, I make sure I allow for it.

 

[Grumpy Old Aussie]

The last screen is weirdly cropped

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Some grammaticals.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

My final screen looks fine. That is weird cropping.
Ugh grammar. I'll fix those, although the Guard's poor speech was deliberate.

Thanks mate.

 

[Nurikabe]

Ok see nah. I just gotta slide in right quick. I'm curious about what's hard to understand? Like I'm not arguing for or against her. But that bit I bolded is weird. Someone plays a porn game and that means what? They must automatically be open to whatever happens? Is everything on the table? Like agreeing to play "adult-themed games," does not mean everything under that theme.

Especially in this case where it involves family. That one detail alone can flip the scales.

That is a valid point but not what I was getting at. It is the idea that a story cannot have a slutty or even a non-virgin LI. Or for that matter, any content that might upset a particular person or group. Adding a character who has history seems to offend far too many VN readers. The stories are adult-themed. These are adults doing adult things.

ASLPro3D nailed it with that explanation and how a dev should approach "questionable" content in their stories. A story may not speak to everyone if certain content is included, but it will speak to the person who wants to read it. Those who don't like it simply need to move on.

In the case of this story specifically, it is completely avoidable. No reason to grandstand and make a big deal about it being in the story when you can completely skip that content, or the entire story if it isn't for you. That's all I was trying to say.

 

[Saphfire]

The last screen is weirdly cropped <- this happened to me too.

 

[Juerhullycin]

Disagree on the your assessment that a LI fucking somone else while professing her love to you isn't NTR though???

I have no issue with NTR games, I get it I like shit that other people don't like too. If there is a NTR tag I will just avoid the game not spam the thread asking if it is avoidable or not, I move on, there are plenty of other games here.

the Japanese will be shocked to learn that half the shit they tag, with a term they coined no less, is, in fact, tagged wrong. I mean the authority of all that's NTR ASLPro3D themselves has spoken, so who are we lowly peasants to disagree?

 

[Bob69]

There are only TWO things that players can do when playing a game:

1.) Be 'OPEN' to whatever may happen within that game according to the creator's vision for that game.

or

2.) If they don't want to or can't handle the vision of the creator of that game, then they need to move on and find a game that is more suited for them...

3.) (Most users here) Curl crying in a corner and rant on the forum.

 

[MiltonPowers]

Hey Grumpy Old Aussie

Outstanding start, the best new game I've started in a while. It has everything that I look for in a fantasy AVN. A well crafted world with interesting lore. A mystery that sucks me in and engaging characters that I want to get to know and of course, the ability to say no to whoever I want.

I don't mind the exposition dialogue, as it helps me immerse myself in the world and makes it even more enjoyable. If I had one nitpick, it would the MC 'drooling' over the women, before having a chance to turn them away. I get, giving compliments in those scenarios, but his thoughts and Livvy for example, to suggest she could be a mistress when MC is married, before ditching her and sending her back to her family, just feels a little off to me and a little nasty. But it's a minor nitpick.

Overall it's great and going straight into my Top 25.

Congrats man, very, very enjoyable.

 

[Nurikabe]

View attachment 4918117

the Japanese will be shocked to learn that half the shit they tag, with a term they coined no less, is, in fact, tagged wrong. I mean the authority of all that's NTR ASLPro3D themselves has spoken, so who are we lowly peasants to disagree?

No idea why this has to be discussed in every single fucking thread. But for those who can read, F95 defines Netorare (NTR) as the following:

A love interest has sexual contact with someone else without the approval of the protagonist, either voluntarily or from some form of coercion (eg, drugs, mind control, blackmail, rape). If the later, add the relevant coercion tag too.

The brothers have agreed, Livvy consents, there is no further question that NTR is NOT the situation here.

 

[ASLPro3D]

3.) (Most users here) Curl crying in a corner and rant on the forum.

Yeah, think we need to amend that in my original post!