- Thread starter zoneh69
- Start date
- Aug 22, 2018
- 24,885
- 84,986
Well, that kinda is the whole plot, she specialises in dealing with older patients.
- Aug 24, 2020
- 77
- 115
- May 11, 2017
- 3,109
- 10,776
Okay... Played the whole thing. Here are my thoughts.
The Good: The renders are great. I do enjoy the visual art. Good job in that department.
The Bad: The writing needs improvement.
Solution:
I'd suggest finding a writer to team up with. A good writer could really help this project.
What would need to be done to fix he writing? Most of the dialogue is very bad. There is even a typo on the title screen. It says "Chapther" instead of "Chapter".
A good writer would add the following:
1) Character development
2) A little bit of a prologue to explain why she is a whore nurse? Perhaps she has been hypnotized or cursed or something?
3) More build up / story arc
4) Proofreading
5) Hopefully some choices
Good luck with your game, I hope you can find a good writer if you choose to work with one.
The Good: The renders are great. I do enjoy the visual art. Good job in that department.
The Bad: The writing needs improvement.
Solution:
I'd suggest finding a writer to team up with. A good writer could really help this project.
What would need to be done to fix he writing? Most of the dialogue is very bad. There is even a typo on the title screen. It says "Chapther" instead of "Chapter".
A good writer would add the following:
1) Character development
2) A little bit of a prologue to explain why she is a whore nurse? Perhaps she has been hypnotized or cursed or something?
3) More build up / story arc
4) Proofreading
5) Hopefully some choices
Good luck with your game, I hope you can find a good writer if you choose to work with one.
- Aug 22, 2018
- 24,885
- 84,986
It's tagged kinetic novel.
I was with you apart from this.
Why does it have to be something ridiculous?
She just likes sex, it doesn't need some left field excuse for it.
A lot are tagged that and still games. If there's no choices/game it would be better to just watch porn.
- May 11, 2017
- 3,109
- 10,776
She could be just a slut, but it would be nice if there was some sort of back story / explanation there. There is no real setup.
- Nov 14, 2020
- 68
- 104
The game is not for me. I understand that the old npcs are central to the story and can't be avoided. But the renders of the mc are awesome. I am learning this stuff and I wish someday I will be able to do something like that.
Good luck with your game.
Good luck with your game.
No, in fact I like that it is done in DAZ. Much more realistic. Far, far from hentai/manga - except for the story.
And, to be honest, there are 50 hentai-based games for each dozen in here. You do those storylines if you cannot actually create a story - much like a B/C movie.
What many developers don't get is that you start by setting up the world of the game. This is best done by actually writing a manuscript or even a short story. Then, you build it up and add to it.
That way, you don't end up with a lot of loose ends or mistakes that could be easily avoided by just spending a bit more time in preparation. An immersive game is not made by rendering 20 images (ok, 214 in this case) in DAZ or re-using a pre-made animation or two and then releasing it.
ALSO: The changelog??? Really?
ALSO-ALSO: The initial warning when loading the game. Yes, 18 years of age or 21 in some states. But ... ehm, the developer is not from the US, so he wouldn't need to consider this.
ALSO-THIRD: She is not a nurse in "chapter 2" which is in fact not a new chapter. It is just a continuation of the same male-female poses that can be downloaded here and on other sites. There is no creativity in this, other than an uninteresting story about a prostitute.
The game has ONE quality. A gonzo-like story style (no, not hentai or manga, but gonzo) in which the player is the protagonist, but never seen, and he is talking to the game character thru dimensions. I liked that. It immerses you - but it is not enough to save this story, unless you are provided with choices and/or there is some kind of management. As a story, it fails in my opinion.
Last edited:
Yes, but NO - it is not a kinetic novel. You have no influence over what happens.
It is not a game and doesn't belong in this forum (I believe there is a forum for novels?)
- Aug 22, 2018
- 24,885
- 84,986
- Jul 29, 2017
- 6,406
- 78,934