- Sep 2, 2023
- 287
- 762
Well, it should be your preference; you can’t make a mistake. Enter the one that works for you.
- Thread starter Peacemaker93
- Start date
- May 20, 2022
- 16
- 47
Congrats on your first release! I played it all and I think this game has potential. It's a great premise for a story and a good start, but it's little messy at the moment. Here are some tips to clean it up:
1. You should start the game with the music slider turned down to halfway. Starting up and hearing that loud jumpscare of music is a bad impression right off the bat. It was extremely loud in my headphones.
2. Your music throughout the game is not balanced. Some songs are way louder than others, which makes is a chore for users to balance it themselves in the menu. Try to balance all your music to a similar volume before adding them to the scenes.
3. Some of your music choices were a bit too much. The rap song that played a couple times and starts with "Aint no motherfucker can do it like me" does not work well for a visual novel. It seemed like you wanted an angry sounding song to fit the tone, it's hard to focus on reading dialogue when someone is rapping lyrics at you. There is a reason why the top visual novels have mood-fitting music with no lyrics playing throughout 95% of the game. Long periods without any music playing also isn't good.
4. I don't know if any of the music you were using was copywrited, like the Nightcall remix, but I'd try to stay away from that since you're trying to monetize your game.
5. Speaking of monetizating, playing significant portions of copywrited videos, like Rick and Morty, in your game is something you really shouldn't do. People on F95 are not well-adjusted and it just takes one angry asshole to report your game to the wrong people and you'll have issues.
6. You're overusing sound effects. You don't need to have so many sound effects, like the repeating footsteps walking in the parking garage, the repeating mouth noises during the BJ, the slap during sex, mouse clicking, and most of all that sci-fi sound effect that you put in almost every scene transition. Too much of that is distracting and takes away from the quality of the game. Sometimes less is more.
7. The pacing of your story could use some work. The constant flashbacks, flashbacks within flashbacks, constant cutting back between the girls and the MC for very short scenes, it causes the pace of the story to drag. You also do not need to annouce every scene change with text. If we see the MC, we will know that we have now cut from the girls to him. Most other VNs just do this with a fade to black, a pause, and then fade back into the next scene.
8. I like when other pieces of media are referenced occasionally in a game, but you should tone it down a bit. The dodgeball scene was a constant stream of back to back references and, in my opinion, it was a bit too much.
9. Both of the sex scene choices are set up to be amoral choices. The MC regrets it immedietely and it seems like there will be consequences for them. I don't know your plans for the game, but putting the sex scenes behind choices where you are incentivized NOT to pick them is not a good practice for an Adult VN. Players want to see all the hot sex scenes you've made, but we don't want to be shamed for doing so. I hope this changes because it's not going to be good for every choice to be between seeing the juicy content and betraying your innocent wife who is in a coma.
10. Lastly, and probably the most important tip on here, you need to get a native english proofreader. I know you credited a proofreader at the end of the game, but they did not do a good enough job proofreading. There were a lot of mistakes in your writing and grammar. Maybe you can find someone new to do it now or maybe you have to pay someone a little bit for it, but it should absolutely be a priority for your next release. You don't get many chances for a first impression and proficient writing and grammar is strongly linked to the overall game quality for a lot of people. The most succesful VNs have minimal to no grammar issues in them for this reason.
I hope you don't take this a me just bashing your game. The huge first release and high quality renders show you're passionate about this project and I think it's got a lot of potential. I know this is your first release so hopefully you can keep these tips in the back of you mind moving forward. I'll certainly be following along for your future releases.
1. You should start the game with the music slider turned down to halfway. Starting up and hearing that loud jumpscare of music is a bad impression right off the bat. It was extremely loud in my headphones.
2. Your music throughout the game is not balanced. Some songs are way louder than others, which makes is a chore for users to balance it themselves in the menu. Try to balance all your music to a similar volume before adding them to the scenes.
3. Some of your music choices were a bit too much. The rap song that played a couple times and starts with "Aint no motherfucker can do it like me" does not work well for a visual novel. It seemed like you wanted an angry sounding song to fit the tone, it's hard to focus on reading dialogue when someone is rapping lyrics at you. There is a reason why the top visual novels have mood-fitting music with no lyrics playing throughout 95% of the game. Long periods without any music playing also isn't good.
4. I don't know if any of the music you were using was copywrited, like the Nightcall remix, but I'd try to stay away from that since you're trying to monetize your game.
5. Speaking of monetizating, playing significant portions of copywrited videos, like Rick and Morty, in your game is something you really shouldn't do. People on F95 are not well-adjusted and it just takes one angry asshole to report your game to the wrong people and you'll have issues.
6. You're overusing sound effects. You don't need to have so many sound effects, like the repeating footsteps walking in the parking garage, the repeating mouth noises during the BJ, the slap during sex, mouse clicking, and most of all that sci-fi sound effect that you put in almost every scene transition. Too much of that is distracting and takes away from the quality of the game. Sometimes less is more.
7. The pacing of your story could use some work. The constant flashbacks, flashbacks within flashbacks, constant cutting back between the girls and the MC for very short scenes, it causes the pace of the story to drag. You also do not need to annouce every scene change with text. If we see the MC, we will know that we have now cut from the girls to him. Most other VNs just do this with a fade to black, a pause, and then fade back into the next scene.
8. I like when other pieces of media are referenced occasionally in a game, but you should tone it down a bit. The dodgeball scene was a constant stream of back to back references and, in my opinion, it was a bit too much.
9. Both of the sex scene choices are set up to be amoral choices. The MC regrets it immedietely and it seems like there will be consequences for them. I don't know your plans for the game, but putting the sex scenes behind choices where you are incentivized NOT to pick them is not a good practice for an Adult VN. Players want to see all the hot sex scenes you've made, but we don't want to be shamed for doing so. I hope this changes because it's not going to be good for every choice to be between seeing the juicy content and betraying your innocent wife who is in a coma.
10. Lastly, and probably the most important tip on here, you need to get a native english proofreader. I know you credited a proofreader at the end of the game, but they did not do a good enough job proofreading. There were a lot of mistakes in your writing and grammar. Maybe you can find someone new to do it now or maybe you have to pay someone a little bit for it, but it should absolutely be a priority for your next release. You don't get many chances for a first impression and proficient writing and grammar is strongly linked to the overall game quality for a lot of people. The most succesful VNs have minimal to no grammar issues in them for this reason.
I hope you don't take this a me just bashing your game. The huge first release and high quality renders show you're passionate about this project and I think it's got a lot of potential. I know this is your first release so hopefully you can keep these tips in the back of you mind moving forward. I'll certainly be following along for your future releases.
- Dec 22, 2019
- 298
- 610
Bah, ego again, I hope there's minimal fighting and car crap in this game.. EVERYONE today is doing MMA and Jiu-Jitsu, not so cool any more.. ..and totally not fun in such a game, especially in no-gay-fap game..
- Oct 17, 2022
- 639
- 1,758
I really like the story, very promising. Great renders and beautiful girls.
Also I like your's branching with possible consequences, that's really cool. That's what makes the game interesting personally for me.
I really hope you will endure creating alternative scenes for each choice in the story and it won't break you or make you burn out.
Good luck with a game!
Also I like your's branching with possible consequences, that's really cool. That's what makes the game interesting personally for me.
I really hope you will endure creating alternative scenes for each choice in the story and it won't break you or make you burn out.
Good luck with a game!
- Feb 16, 2022
- 1,011
- 3,702
I have some mixed feelings about this but overall it gets a thumbs up.
The story is interesting but far too much time is spent seeing things from the perspective of the daughters. It almost felt like a multiple protagonist game at times. Also, i'm generally not a fan of lesbian content between love interests in male protagonist games and it seems like that's going to happen with Abbi and Isi...
I did enjoy the sections focused on the MC. Especially at the hospital. Rebecca's reactions to the MC were really funny and cute. And the scene with Adrianna was hot, loved the fact that they were both cheating (btw, this tag is missing) and that she squirted. The animations were quite bad though and it did detract from the scene a bit. I think this is one of those games that would be better off just sticking to still images for the sex scenes.
The story is interesting but far too much time is spent seeing things from the perspective of the daughters. It almost felt like a multiple protagonist game at times. Also, i'm generally not a fan of lesbian content between love interests in male protagonist games and it seems like that's going to happen with Abbi and Isi...
I did enjoy the sections focused on the MC. Especially at the hospital. Rebecca's reactions to the MC were really funny and cute. And the scene with Adrianna was hot, loved the fact that they were both cheating (btw, this tag is missing) and that she squirted. The animations were quite bad though and it did detract from the scene a bit. I think this is one of those games that would be better off just sticking to still images for the sex scenes.
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Is there a harem path where you get al the girls? I was a bit put of by the fact that you have to make a choice between getting the number of the Halloween girl or hurry to pick up your daughter that could currently be in a bad situation. I like to get al the girls but I don't think the dad would ever choose some pussy over the safety of his daughters.
Also what do the red and green colour choices mean? Is it being faithful or unfaithful? Red uselessly means bad choice.
Great start. Will follow with interest. Just don't make me choose between the happiness of the girls and getting it on with everybody please.
Also what do the red and green colour choices mean? Is it being faithful or unfaithful? Red uselessly means bad choice.
Great start. Will follow with interest. Just don't make me choose between the happiness of the girls and getting it on with everybody please.
The ages don't work. in order for the eldest daughter to be of drinkable age in the US she needs to be 21, in order for her to be 21 at the year that you're giving the MC/Father he needs to be 14
- Sep 2, 2023
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My god people
Maybe she doesn’t give a damn about US age requirements, many teens and adults do drugs and that is illegal for any age.
- Jul 17, 2021
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That's not exactly true:
Maryland, North Carolina, South Carolina, Virginia, and Washington, D.C.: The legal drinking age is 18 for beer and wine, and 21 for liquor. Kansas, Ohio, Oklahoma, and South Dakota: The legal drinking age is 18 for 3.2% ABV beer, and 21 for beer stronger than 3.2% ABV, wine, and liquor.
You can look it up if you'd like. Also, I was drinking at age 12 here in the US. No, it wasn't legal and no, I didn't give two shits.
- Sep 2, 2023
- 287
- 762
[/QUOTE]
Bro, it’s my first game. Renpy have only three audio channels, and I use more than that. I don’t know how to make a new sliders. Some sounds are muted by design and some are boosted. Can you point out some mistakes in English? If there are 100, it should not be a problem for you to name a few.
- Sep 2, 2023
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If your dick is bigger, maybe you should consider the porn industry.
- Sep 2, 2023
- 287
- 762
It’s okay, bro. I don’t mind criticism. But if you want to help, you are welcome to start with English. Can you point out some errors? Also about MC, he starts with high moral values, but this will change, but that does not happen over night. He loves his wife, and if you ever loved someone, it does feel like shit when you fail them like this. This is not a game where the MC is a jerk and all the girls are sluts.
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- Jul 17, 2021
- 8,916
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That's good to know. However, I'm one of those weirdos. You give me a wife or a gf at the start and I'm going to cheat. So, are we able to cheat at the start? Oh and congrats on your first release.
- Sep 2, 2023
- 287
- 762
First thanks. And now yeah you can cheat, you most likely already did with Adri, and if you read the dialogue and monologue when MC is with her, you will understand that he is conflicted; he both liked it and, for other reasons, didn’t. But some future situations will change him a lot, so he will start to be more open to new things, same goes for girls.
- Jul 17, 2021
- 8,916
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You're welcome. I haven't started it yet. I'm finishing up another and will start this right after. I actually downloaded because of this girl:
- Sep 2, 2023
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In that case, when you try it, I will be happy to read your impressions.
- Jul 17, 2021
- 8,916
- 13,633
You got it and if there are any typos or whatever, I'll let you know.
Isi is literally the cutest VN girl I have ever seen. Great first release. I have to ask though, did you ever release another .1 of a game before? The ending gave me a serious case of Deja vu from another VN I really enjoyed the first release of. Anyways, this game is off to a great start and you are a very talented writer. Keep up the good work. If I can give you any advice, it will be to ignore the people who leave comments like "Too much of the Daughters POV and I hate lesbians".
Trust yourself and make the game how you want to. You are already on the right path. P.S. the joking/teasing scenes between Abbi and Isi were super hot. People will facepalm this post and those are the people you should make note to ignore their 'advice' LOL
Trust yourself and make the game how you want to. You are already on the right path. P.S. the joking/teasing scenes between Abbi and Isi were super hot. People will facepalm this post and those are the people you should make note to ignore their 'advice' LOL
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- Sep 2, 2023
- 287
- 762