- Jul 15, 2017
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- Thread starter tripod70
- Start date
- Oct 23, 2020
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Yea I get a lot of the You're and your stuff all wrong. I keep going over it and trying to get it correct. but being a grammatical idiot it isn't easy. I could always blame on this dumb ass keyboard.........
- Oct 23, 2020
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Now like all women that I have known. The wife may have to make a trip to the salon for a little make over. I was thinking that she possibly needs a hair change in some way. As the real MC's wife did relatively often actually, shape and color. I was thinking of mostly shape.
What do you think about a "Bob" style with the closest color that it comes with to the original.
Original Hair on the Left and New Hair on the Right.
There is also this option of style and color change. Which was the supposedly natural color.
What do you think about a "Bob" style with the closest color that it comes with to the original.
Original Hair on the Left and New Hair on the Right.
There is also this option of style and color change. Which was the supposedly natural color.
- Jul 4, 2019
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I'm surprised the MC let her cut her hair he might like to grab it while giving it to her
Incorporate the salon trip into the story. It's entirely up to you how you want to, if at all, spice up the trip, or the return from it.
As far as I know, this game only has those 2 choices in it and the game is now a Kinetic Novel.
- Oct 23, 2020
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- Aug 12, 2017
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Not a fan of the bob, I think longer hair looks better, she can still have a haircut if you want to change her looks, but I would keep it longer. But it's your game, your vision, do whatever you think is best for the character
- Nov 17, 2020
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The word "your" denotes possession, as in "your house is nice", the word "you're" is a contraction of "you are", as in "you're beautiful".Yea I get a lot of the You're and your stuff all wrong. I keep going over it and trying to get it correct. but being a grammatical idiot it isn't easy. I could always blame on this dumb ass keyboard.........
Then there is the whole "their(possessive), there(place), they're(contraction of they are)" mistakes we see a lot in VNs and other written media. Speaking of a lot, there is no such thing as alot without a space between. Reminds me of a sadly defunct blog called hyperbole and a half.
There are a few words that I see misspelled throughout but at least they are consistently misspelled the same way. Below are two examples, should be definitely and compliment.
Still, love your game so far, just some tips for down the line.
- Mar 8, 2018
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This script takes beating around the bush to unprecedented levels. Entire paragraphs are wasted on a sentence worth of information. And I'm not even talking about irrelevant vs. relevant information here. Absolutely no information regardless how minute is being conveyed through the rest of the text. It's just background noise.
If the scriptwriter would tell me this was professionally taught to him, I would believe him in an instant (but then I read defiantly instead of definitely and the professional angle goes out the window).
If the scriptwriter would tell me this was professionally taught to him, I would believe him in an instant (but then I read defiantly instead of definitely and the professional angle goes out the window).
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- Oct 23, 2020
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There may have been a little pontification in this last small update, and even before.
As a one man band that absolutely can't spell and has no prof reader to check things, and also trying to relay the realism of the conversation in a way, not to mention combine a long term situation into a short period of a few scenes or events and having it make sense isn't all that easy. Once again, I am not a writer, but trying to convey a story. ( That should be obvious by now ) I do really appreciate the input however. It does help ( well some of it does )
I'm taking the novel part of a VN very seriously, so I don't have any problem whatsoever with any amount of text as long as the text has substance to it, but when you end up with six to eight sentences to express something that could be accurately and tactfully conveyed with no more than 6-8 words, keeping the general tone of the conversation, that's just the epitome of superfluousness. And this is coming from a guy who is a complete stranger to brevity.
I've played 356 individual RenPy VNs so far (those are the ones easy to count because you just have to count your save folders), and this one was literally the first one where I thought discarding entire sentences instead of shortening them would fully preserve every single bit of information down to the subcontext and general tone of each conversation.
While it makes for quite a bit of content, allowing you to spread your images fairly thin, more often than not I end up clicking half a dozen times and realize I've learned absolutely nothing, because I'm reading the intro to a preamble of someone sugar coating something before beginning to make an actual point. You are not making conversation, you're wasting time trying to build up to a conversation.
And this is annoying, because otherwise you've got something good here, so your story is good, it's just... excessive in a bad way.
- Apr 10, 2020
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Could be worse.... could be listening to my wife go on and on about god knows what for 20 minutes before she actually gets to the point of why she came into my office to begin with.
That's a perfect example of how playing this one feels though at certain places. For example when the wife walks up to the MC to tell him she agreed to ask him to trim her sister's bush. It was precisely what you said, just a different location.
- Jan 18, 2018
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I really liked! With some femdom or ntr it would be perfect.