justabro

New Member
May 2, 2022
10
113
Neat, something that I would request at this early stage is better formatting of large blocks to text i.e. extra line breaks between paragraphs, perhaps even "tabbing in" the first line of the paragraph.

But damn I am impressed with the amount here for a 0.1! I will be keeping an eye on this one
Thanks, i will see what i can do to keep it tidier for the next update.



I have a few suggestions for you if you'd like them.

1) If you haven't already, contact the admins here and get the developer tag.
2) If you haven't, join the Twine discord. They are VERY helpful there and super nice.
3) I got two important pieces of advice from other Twine devs and I'll pass them on to you. First, try not to make players scroll very much. Something about a bunch of text on a page tends to make people lose interest and just skim. Secondly, try to make your links consistent in how they work. If it's a conversation, maybe make them part of the conversation otherwise it's best to make them actions. My own game is going this route fully in the 0.23 release.
Thanks for the advices ! And yes, i am trying to minimize the scrolling as much as i can, but i am also worried about the number of passages and how will twine handle them if they get too much.
 
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WendyTheRed

Member
Game Developer
May 30, 2017
405
1,110
Thanks for the advices ! And yes, i am trying to minimize the scrolling as much as i can, but i am also worried about the number of passages and how will twine handle them if they get too much.
Twine can handle tons of passages. I remember early in my game's development I had 30ish and one of the devs on that Discord forum teased me and called them rookie numbers. lol.

Also, if you're not doing it already, you may want to consider using Tweego and Visual Studio Code. The guy's on that Discord can give you details. With the right plugin it will highlight your code and color it for you so you can see at a glance if it's a string or whatever. It may only work for Sugarcube but I think it's for any Twine project.
 
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Selaiko

Newbie
Oct 12, 2020
63
55
Please do not take what I am about to say as a criticism against your efforts at game making or as a person.

If it is possible, then I would suggest trying to locate an English as first language proof reader / story editor to go over all of your text. Your game is littered with hundreds of minor issues with the language. While some of the issues may be writer's errors, something even possible among best selling authors, most of them at a guess are probably caused by something else. Probably either it being written as a second language, due to handicaps such as dyslexia, or even just a poor school system.

Let me assure you that your game as is can work fine, so don't give up on making it or fall into debt trying to get this fix completed. Your game can function without this overhaul, but a facelift would definitely go a long way to making it seem more professional.

EDIT: Just to show that the English language is an easy one to make minor mistakes in, I just did a read over of my own post to you and noticed that I originally wrote "may be" all as one word when it should have been separated in that specific case. So please don't take this post as a slight against you as these sort of things really can happen to everyone.
 
Last edited:

justabro

New Member
May 2, 2022
10
113
Please do not take what I am about to say as a criticism against your efforts at game making or as a person.

If it is possible, then I would suggest trying to locate an English as first language proof reader / story editor to go over all of your text. Your game is littered with hundreds of minor issues with the language. While some of the issues may be writer's errors, something even possible among best selling authors, most of them at a guess are probably caused by something else. Probably either it being written as a second language, due to handicaps such as dyslexia, or even just a poor school system.

Let me assure you that your game as is can work fine, so don't give up on making it or fall into debt trying to get this fix completed. Your game can function without this overhaul, but a facelift would definitely go a long way to making it seem more professional.

EDIT: Just to show that the English language is an easy one to make minor mistakes in, I just did a read over of my own post to you and noticed that I originally wrote "may be" all as one word when it should have been separated in that specific case. So please don't take this post as a slight against you as these sort of things really can happen to everyone.

Yeah, english is not my first language so i assumed there are mistakes, i usually try to double or even triple check things after i write them, but in the future i may look for a proof reader.
 

fulcrum

Engaged Member
Feb 2, 2018
3,335
1,843
does this tell an actual stories with distinct character images or does it suffer from sandbox sickness offering random porn photos only for the same action done to several characters?
 

Frogperson

Member
Jan 15, 2019
237
191
I enjoyed it like I generally do with image rich cyoa type games. I concur with Selaiko on the need for spell checking, but the selection of images is nice (except that one smegma dick.. urgh). The premise also allows for a bunch of creativity, so thats really nice.
 
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Deleted member 2422104

Active Member
Jun 2, 2020
702
276
Twine can handle tons of passages. I remember early in my game's development I had 30ish and one of the devs on that Discord forum teased me and called them rookie numbers. lol.

Also, if you're not doing it already, you may want to consider using Tweego and Visual Studio Code. The guy's on that Discord can give you details. With the right plugin it will highlight your code and color it for you so you can see at a glance if it's a string or whatever. It may only work for Sugarcube but I think it's for any Twine project.
Waiting for your 0.23 update
 

Deleted member 2422104

Active Member
Jun 2, 2020
702
276
This game is fantastic only one word is sufficient and as for advice go same with WendyTheRed try to make paras short no scrolling. I myself loose interest when there is too much to read or scroll.

Waiting for Your further update plzz continue and don't abondon it, don't break our hopes.

All the best .
 

Alcahest

Engaged Member
Donor
Game Developer
Jul 28, 2017
3,170
4,069
Thanks for the advices ! And yes, i am trying to minimize the scrolling as much as i can, but i am also worried about the number of passages and how will twine handle them if they get too much.
Twine can handle them but why have a ton of passages when you can keep down the number by reusing them. I play all events in one location in one single passage. If you don't want to make an event system like that, it's easy to just use a variable to split up a long linear passage into say 4 parts.
 
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WendyTheRed

Member
Game Developer
May 30, 2017
405
1,110
Thanks for the advices ! And yes, i am trying to minimize the scrolling as much as i can, but i am also worried about the number of passages and how will twine handle them if they get too much.

I just realized something I totally forgot to mention in my original reply about scrolling. For stuff that's all on one page you don't have to split it up into multiple passages. I use Sugarcube and use a plugin called CtP that one of the guys on the Discord wrote. It lets you break up the text on a single passage into multiple pages for the player and it's super easy to use.

 

justabro

New Member
May 2, 2022
10
113
I just realized something I totally forgot to mention in my original reply about scrolling. For stuff that's all on one page you don't have to split it up into multiple passages. I use Sugarcube and use a plugin called CtP that one of the guys on the Discord wrote. It lets you break up the text on a single passage into multiple pages for the player and it's super easy to use.

Thanks! This looks really useful.
 

BettyPage

Newbie
May 11, 2021
39
18
I won't lie. I am generally not a fan of transformation or sissification genre, but this game has some great potential. It feels very original, hot and I can't wait for the next update.

Keep up the good work!
 
4.10 star(s) 9 Votes