- Aug 25, 2016
- 797
- 1,892
General concept of the game has promise, and the renders are good, but a couple of things throw me off at the moment.
• The tone is overly on the narrative side. For example, when he's seducing the black girl at the club, it would have been nice to have at least a little dialog between them instead of having him give us the play-by-play throughout. But maybe the exposition is heavy just for the intro.
• That clashes a bit with my second point, which is there seems to be a dissonance between the narrator and the dialog. He says he's now a player, but his conversations with the shy girl are Curb Your Enthusiasm level cringe. After that, he can't tell that a neighbour is hitting on him, even though she cooked a flimsy excuse to get him to her house and practically flashes her tits at him. It's in unreliable narrator territory, which could well be a cool angle, but only if intended.
• Quality of Life suggestion: Consider another text speed (Instant). That's one thing Renpy sorts out for me all the time. Any game with slow text ends up having me click/key twice for each textbox, which adds up over time.
Good luck with the development!
• The tone is overly on the narrative side. For example, when he's seducing the black girl at the club, it would have been nice to have at least a little dialog between them instead of having him give us the play-by-play throughout. But maybe the exposition is heavy just for the intro.
• That clashes a bit with my second point, which is there seems to be a dissonance between the narrator and the dialog. He says he's now a player, but his conversations with the shy girl are Curb Your Enthusiasm level cringe. After that, he can't tell that a neighbour is hitting on him, even though she cooked a flimsy excuse to get him to her house and practically flashes her tits at him. It's in unreliable narrator territory, which could well be a cool angle, but only if intended.
• Quality of Life suggestion: Consider another text speed (Instant). That's one thing Renpy sorts out for me all the time. Any game with slow text ends up having me click/key twice for each textbox, which adds up over time.
Good luck with the development!