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- Thread starter Azrayal
- Start date
theres just one part that didnt stick with me in the beginning when the mc was reading the letter and how the mood switch from sadness to comedy as he kept referring back to his daughter bikini pic then back to the letter lol i was like this a serious moment because the story is getting interesting but for me the mood was dead after that point mabye it was the way it was executed didnt fit with me but other than that i did catch myself skipping parts of the internal monologue when i felt it didnt needed to be there but ill rate it 7/10 for the prologue on everything else
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lol i felt that to being ntr by my own sister but i had to convince myself that they were apart of my harem
There's another part with the sister that I don't get and it just made me dislike her. When the MC tells her what happened she blurted out that
Fuck that bitch! It's a shame because I really liked her attitude until that point, but now I don't have any interest in her.
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- Feb 16, 2019
- 1,354
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She does, a little bit, doesn't she? But, that's actually quite an accomplishment, since Nottravis assembled her using sliders and never disclosed her settings. (even if I do have a hunch of some sliders and basemodel she used, I'm fairly certain I couldn't get an exact match!)
right and how after she told me she was saying it all excited i was like you biiiiitch you just gone smile and get wet after telling me you was fucking my wife behind my back some nerve and even tho wifey did come onto you it obviously shows you have no regrets of it happening or keeping it a secret and then gone tell me go sleep in the other room get you feelings out like yea im definitely not moving in you dont love me by the way your showing it with your horny ass im glad i told her to stay home because she might fuck my daughter to haha
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- Jun 24, 2019
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WTF I think the Bart conversation is fucking dumb. Get to the fucking point its dragging on way to long lol
- Sep 3, 2017
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Good start, not too sure about the Cockney-accent-writing thing, I find it a bit annoying to be honest, but hey, it's different.
The MC is clearly a bit fucked in the head though. I understand it's an H-game, but he's too easily distracted by sexual stuff during what should be a very non-sexy day, incredibly hot blonde neighbor not withstanding. Hoping for more of her.
The MC is clearly a bit fucked in the head though. I understand it's an H-game, but he's too easily distracted by sexual stuff during what should be a very non-sexy day, incredibly hot blonde neighbor not withstanding. Hoping for more of her.
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I'd like to thank everyone for their feedback so far, be it positive or not so positive. For people who've read and found this not to their liking, I'd still like to thank you for taking the time to download and read my story.
I'm aware that parts of the storyline may seem slightly confusing at the moment, but they're relevant to the plot line for future updates. I'd like to elaborate more but I wouldn't want to give spoilers for readers who continue following future updates.
I'll admit, that this is my first piece of creative work I've actually produced since leaving college, I do not want to divulge how long ago that was, but I likely have socks older than some visitors to F95zone
. I've loved every minute I've spent learning how to create my story and will continue to do so.
I'm aware that parts of the storyline may seem slightly confusing at the moment, but they're relevant to the plot line for future updates. I'd like to elaborate more but I wouldn't want to give spoilers for readers who continue following future updates.
I'll admit, that this is my first piece of creative work I've actually produced since leaving college, I do not want to divulge how long ago that was, but I likely have socks older than some visitors to F95zone
. I've loved every minute I've spent learning how to create my story and will continue to do so.I'd like to thank you personally, that was exactly the reaction I was hoping for towards this character.
Thanks for the feedback. It's annoying to type too, the amount of times I typed words normally then had to correct it.
I never once thought of it as a Cockney accent though, but that is part of the enjoyment of reading, how we imagine and interpret characters to be.
- May 17, 2019
- 487
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Hmm yes and no? I mean isn't it hypocritical to blame mc's wife for "cheating" with mc's sister, if mc does exactly the same?
What I find harder to accept is mc's sister knowing where wife/daughter were and being in regular contact with them (which also means she knows about lies mc's ex-wife has told about him to their daughter), meanwhile also seeing up close mc's pain at losing them.
- Sep 3, 2017
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If you can elicit a hate-response, you've done a good job writing a character.
My reaction after her near slip was "Aww you bitch! You knew where she was!"
By the way, shoot a mod a PM and get yourself a Game Developer tag for your account.
I just hope that we won't have to play as a dumbass who forgives everything his little sister does, because he loves her so much and she "had her reasons" or he was unfaithful too. Especially after the "no lies" line. It's the first time that I really hope for a male domination tag in future updates.I'd like to thank everyone for their feedback so far, be it positive or not so positive. For people who've read and found this not to their liking, I'd still like to thank you for taking the time to download and read my story.
I'm aware that parts of the storyline may seem slightly confusing at the moment, but they're relevant to the plot line for future updates. I'd like to elaborate more but I wouldn't want to give spoilers for readers who continue following future updates.
I'll admit, that this is my first piece of creative work I've actually produced since leaving college, I do not want to divulge how long ago that was, but I likely have socks older than some visitors to F95zone
I'd like to thank you personally, that was exactly the reaction I was hoping for towards this character.
- Mar 21, 2017
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I dunno, but I'd probably start with the letter you're currently holding in your hand. Just a thought.
- Sep 3, 2017
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That was my first thought too, but there's a problem. It'll make Milly start hating her mother. Not that she doesn't deserve it for handling things like a retard, but the MC may not want her to feel that way.
- May 10, 2018
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ummm..why give the choice to retitle characters at the start when they immediately go 100% dad mom etc ...lol...that makes landlady and roommating not as fun...so sad
also..Liam!
writing is good....so overlooking the they are related regardless what you input..ima keep playing..i like good writing.
also..Liam!
writing is good....so overlooking the they are related regardless what you input..ima keep playing..i like good writing.
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- Sep 3, 2017
- 4,283
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Lies, it's actually his slightly Roman twin, Brutus!
...now that I think about it, MC had best watch his back... (see what I did there?)
- May 20, 2019
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That is false Rob, Valhalla is certainly part of the swedish heritage as wellalso..please..do not mock cute SWEDISH dame Astrid about Valhalla..which is Norse..and is Norway/Iceland and nothing to do with Sweden
