Stacy is probably going to be mad that I came inside her sister...
- Jan 15, 2018
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Kayla/Taylor & Rachel/Isabella - December Custom Requests
Ten Paces -- Kayla/Taylor [Callisto]
A Christmas Miracle -- Rachel/Isabella [VNWhiteKnight]
Ten Paces -- Kayla/Taylor [Callisto]
A Christmas Miracle -- Rachel/Isabella [VNWhiteKnight]
- Apr 17, 2021
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Dev fell into the trap of making far too many LI, exponentially increasing the amount of content that needs to be made to satisfy branching requirements.
- Sep 3, 2022
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- 210,758
Seems like to me, along with some other games, that they fell into the wallpaper making trap for money....It's nothing but wallpaper after wallpaper.
- Aug 20, 2023
- 274
- 396
From outside i agree the optics are not looking great, with the summer post about having quite a writers block. and not much being revealed about the state of the update since summer. Surprisingly no one tries to attack him on discord over the current state of things.
- Mar 8, 2017
- 98
- 182
this game is definitely a top 5 game for me. If I'll be able to cuck mark, it will be my number 1 game
- Jul 25, 2017
- 12,595
- 16,456
yeah this game was #2 or 3 for me but not so sure anymore still a great game but idk have to think where id rank it somewhere in the top 10 for me.this game is definitely a top 5 game for me. If I'll be able to cuck mark, it will be my number 1 game
Really starting to look like the dev has turned into one of those wallpaper 'devs'
- May 1, 2024
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Nah I hear that he prefers to paint.Really starting to look like the dev has turned into one of those wallpaper 'devs'
- Jun 25, 2022
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Sad to see. Last 6 posts were all custom renders.
Last word about the update was "for a winter release, ideally before the end of the year". Would be nice to know if it was still on course for this. Although with 5 days left...
- Jan 15, 2018
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I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas that are celebrating the holiday! While I did dinner and games yesterday, we will have our more traditional gathering this weekend.
This post will be somewhat different from what I usually do. It'll be very little about TaH, and mostly about me. But, for starters...
Important News: I will be suspending monthly renewed billing for January. I'll explain the details below. Also, this entire post is just me being honest with my situation. I do not want pity, sympathy, encouragement or attention. I only ask for your understanding.
---
2024 has been a bittersweet year. Things like the success of Episode 3 were amazing high points. I've also met and started building relationships with a number of people in this community and others.
But much of this year hasn't been kind to me. I try not to speak too much into my personal life because it's better to stay focused on the professional development of TaH here. But, I suppose since I am a one-man team, development is hugely affected by my personal life.
I live with depression. Anyone looking at me from the outside would wonder, and rightfully so, why I would be depressed. There's no reason for me to be, yet I've spent most of my life like this, even before I was diagnosed as a teenager.
It's so much a part of who I am, that I don't understand when others tell me they don't suffer from it. I generally assume everyone deals with it, because it's all I've really known. I suppose it'd be like a blind man trying to understand what people with sight experience.
When I was younger my mom tried to get me help. I've seen doctors. I've had therapy (therapist, counselor, and psychiatrist). I've been prescribed drugs. Many, in fact, of varying doses and combinations.
But all those experiences were bad, and I eventually opted out of them. I could feel awful without spending money my poor parents didn't have, since that only increased my guilt.
When there seems to be no solution for the problem, it's just an acceptance that this is the way it is and you deal with it. Go on with life and realize it may never change. Yes, I can experience moments of peace and joy, but the overwhelming majority of my life is spent feeling dread.
Actually, 2023 may have been the best year I had emotionally since I was a child. It came after a large mental breakdown at the very end of 2022 which, for lack of a great explanation, rewired my brain. I had mentioned it to a few people, but just one person really knows a lot of the details. I can only assume it was some sort of coping mechanism my brain did that allowed me to "heal" and carry on with life. And to my surprise, life was a lot better.
But I suppose this year a lot of things started chipping away at that. Perhaps financial stresses had a large part of that. Truth is, I basically live in poverty. I always had decent jobs and never worried about living paycheck to paycheck.
However, I took a huge chance with my last job, jumping into a career I had no education or experience with, but by luck was offered a position. After the initial educational periods, my contracted assignments were awful. My first nine months I lived in a hotel and worked 12 hours everyday. I got contracted to other jobs with some improvements, but they always required long hours and long weeks.
Sure, the money was good. But after a few years I got burnt out. I left and took time to live off my savings and decided I valued my time more. I figured I could do a job that was flexible and required the minimum from me so that didn't happen again.
Since then I began TaH, and AVN development can be costly. Things like Patreon certainly help to counter those costs, but they've still put a lot of financial strain on me these last two years. I knew I could go back to a more formal job and not have to worry about money so much, but I'd never have the freedom to work on my project in a timely manner.
For the first time I had to borrow money this year. I had borrowed to take care of my root canal. I had to borrow even more to replace my roof. Then later I went and sold a classic car I had gotten from my uncle years ago to cover that roof cost, and tried to give my parents some of that money for storing that car for me all these years since I didn't have a garage for it. They wouldn't accept the money, and of course that gave me more guilt.
There's more stuff left unmentioned, and I realize these are hardships lots of people face. Many have it worse. But telling a man who hasn't eaten in three days that someone else hasn't eaten in six still doesn't diminish their pain and suffering. Everyone has a breaking point.
And this year I hit mine again.
Recently I took over a week away from development and everything related to it. I turned off Discord and tried to pretend most of the rest of the world didn't exist. Then I did something I haven't done in over two years. I started reading a book. Then I started playing a video game (XCom 2) and beat it. Then I've started BG3 since I was gifted it last Christmas and never had time to give it a chance.
I've only seen my group of friends once this year, back when one of them invited everyone out for his birthday for drinks and food. I had told him I could come hang out, but I couldn't buy anything. He still offered me a drink and some food while I was there. I really do have amazing friends, and I feel guilty for never seeing them.
I feel guilty for how long this next chapter of TaH is taking me, and I feel guilty for feeling guilty. It's amazing how much guilt and depression feed off each other.
My entire year has been guilt and it leaves me in a paralysis where I'm frozen and can't do or think anything. Taking one week away has made me realize I need more space. I've only been surviving, not living.
I'll be suspending automatic renewal payments on Patreon for January. Everyone that is already subscribed will still have access to everything, you just will not get a renewal charge. It's very possible I'll extend this another month or two, at least until I'm ready to make a serious release announcement for Ep4. Suspending payments does not mean I don't plan on working.
It may seem strange that after revealing my financial troubles that I'd be turning off payments. But I haven't been able to produce the content I feel is warranted, so accepting more money feels wrong to me. Again, it's about the guilt and reducing what I feel responsible for.
I have family to see coming up and even thinking about work nearly incites a panic attack. I'll get passed the holidays and will then find a way to breath new life into myself and continue work.
Again, none of this was written to garner sympathy (I'm serious... even when people try to be thoughtful/encouraging, I struggle accepting it and oftentimes prefer silence). It's hard even sharing the little details I have, but I want to provide reasoning for what I'm doing, even if you can't relate to what's going on with me internally.
I'm wishing you all a better 2025, and that my work can become a small, but wonderful, part of it. Thank you for giving me plenty to be grateful for, even if at this moment it's hard for me to feel it.
-ckr
- Apr 17, 2021
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Depression is a serious condition and I sincerely wish ckr all the best in managing it (in my experience you don't really overcome it). That being said, this is one of those messages that probably should have been put in a drawer never to see the light of day. I've felt this way many times and am very grateful that I can usually hold myself back from sending typed out messages despite how badly I want to broadcast my contempt, despair, rage, or other strong emotion I feel needs to be expressed at the time.
Work-life balance is something I struggle with. No easy solution, but it's best to set boundaries and accept what is possible within those constraints. The community (with the exception of some loud righteous assholes that need to be tuned out) will continue to appreciate ckr for his art. I'd urge ckr not to suspend payments (ckr doesn't owe anyone anything) - just move forward while finding where those boundaries need to be.
- Jun 25, 2022
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Very rarely do you read something like that and come back a few months later to see it was actually continued. Sucks its come to this, but it is what it is. Gotta take care of yourself first and foremost.
Hey Vipergts151 Thx for your Honesty some dev dont give a Shit take care of yourself 1st work on the game when your ready hope you have a great year
- Jan 15, 2018
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