Meh, I just like analyzing people's writing skills, I just do it incidentally, sometimes I share my thoughts. Doesn't mean I'm up my ass. Not looking for anything except for incest and non-con smut that's well done, thanks for your concern though!
- Thread starter BaasB
- Start date
Gosh, I just do not feel the same.
First, I dispute that this is one of the biggest complaints about this VN. I think the biggest complaint people have about this VN is the editing. The writing is riddled with typos, but that has nothing to do with what you're critiquing (the content), and it's something that BaiBai addresses over time (whenever people complain about the editing, they're almost always referring to the most recent stuff).
Second, I find BaiBai's writing to be unironically fantastic. The words he strings together are so evocative, poetic, and unique. I'll grant that some of that "uniqueness" seems to suggest that English is not his first language, but I genuinely love reading his more intimate scenes, and the rest of it is hardly what I'd call a "slog."
I have some mild complaints about the writing, which I'll list here just to be fair.
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Now, you did say "one of the biggest complaints," but I think the three top complaints I most often see would be the editing, the existence of loli content, and the massive honkin' badonkers (which personally, I love). Any other complaints beyond that, I don't see often, and I suspect most people here enjoy the writing as I do.
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm just not noticing these complaints because of confirmation bias. All I can say is your post didn't resonate with me at all, though I respect that you're willing to analyze the writing of an AVN seriously because not a lot of people do.
Small-pp-22
Active Member
- Jul 27, 2020
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Maybe. But in that case I think he'd say "one of my biggest complaints." If I'm wrong then of course, disregard half my post.
Was gonna say it could be confirmation bias on my part as well lol, but I've been active only for the last 50 pages or so, so maybe I missed a lot of the earlier criticism as I haven't been super engaged until recently. I am not critiquing the "content" per se; I'm perfectly fine with the story, the reasoning, the motivations of the characters, the pacing, etc. I'm just personally super attuned to the technical aspects of writing, so when I see a lot of repetition, poor implementation of rhetoric, imprecisely used words, poor syntax, among other things, from someone who is clearly trying to do those things well, I want to provide feedback.
To be clear, if this was just your typical basic VN, I wouldn't give a shit. I just know BaiBai stops in here occasionally and I'm invested enough and think his work is good enough that I hope he'd want to improve, even marginally. To be fair, I had pretty strict literature and writing teachers in both high school and college, so I'm probably critiquing things from angles most people wouldn't even think about, so I get why it seems to some people like I'm "up my own ass".
So to reiterate, the "slog" aspect isn't with any of the story or narrative elements, but purely mechanical, syntactical, and rhetorical--all of which can be improved without changing the overall tone, vibe, or pacing of the story.
- Aug 31, 2022
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It's always hard making references to classical literature without appearing like you're up your own ass, even more so when you do it while commenting on the writing of a porn game. Doesn't mean the criticism can't be valid though.
I've read your other posts about the bombast and I have been tempted to respond before but I didn't because I don't feel like I'm in a good position to judge these things. Not only because judging my own writing skills feels kind of weird, but also because I have barely read anything worthwhile in English so I don't have many references to draw from (that aren't porn).
In general I can see your point about the writing being bombast, though I don't agree with this being something bad in and of itself. Your points about the technical aspects of writing besides (as I said, I don't feel like I can judge those) I kind of tend to feel that its a matter of taste. I've read Hemingway and I didn't like it that much, and maybe you wouldn't like Hesse because its too pompous for your taste.
I'm not saying that there aren't point in which I couldn't improve on, there are very likely many of those, but the bombast won't change. I like it when I read it and more importantly I have fun writing it.
You're right, "content" wasn't quite the right word for me to use. But you are talking about word choice and sentence composition, and see, I just think that's something this VN actually excels at (if you can look past some of the quirky syntax). He comes up with ways of putting things that I would simply never think of, and I mean that in the best way.
The "imprecisely used words" is kind of a big part of it. I think he hits close enough to the mark most the time that it's just plain fun to read, and because he uses such a wide array of words, I'm not sure I see the repetition you're talking about.
In any case, we can agree to disagree. I'm just happy to discuss with someone who's respectful, haha.
Hey, thanks for the reply. Another point of clarification, bombast doesn't always refer to word choice--in this particular case, I don't mean it in terms of the particular words you're opting to use; but, again, in a structural sense. At this point my critique would probably be best served by taking a section of your writing and reformulating it to indicate where I think the issues lie.
I've been hesitant to do something like that because I'm not sure it would be well received (not by the forum, I mean you personally), and also frankly, I usually charge a lot for it. If you're open to it though, I'll try to whip something up to see if you think it's useful in conveying what I'm trying to get across, and can be helpful as you plan your writing in the future.
To further clarify yet again, I think your work is good--otherwise I wouldn't be taking the time to drop these walls-of-text. If you look at some of my other posts I've defended it against critiques of the pacing/logic--both of which I think are great and internally consistent. That's why I've tried to make sure my critique is as narrow and precise as possible, but I guess some people are getting the wrong message from it all the same (that I think the whole thing is dogshit, which it's very much not).
Master of Puppets
Conversation Conqueror
- Oct 5, 2017
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I love the writing, I think it's fantastic. It just needs a native speaker proofreader to catch the typos and most blatant non-idiomatic phrases, the writing style doesn't need to change at all.
The only, and I mean the only, serious problem with this game is speed of delivery.
There is still a pretty good chance we are going to get only 3 updates this year, 4 seems to be max.
If 0.9 is in July, we might get 0.10 in what November (?) (even latter if anything unexpected happens).
There is still a pretty good chance we are going to get only 3 updates this year, 4 seems to be max.
If 0.9 is in July, we might get 0.10 in what November (?) (even latter if anything unexpected happens).
RG80100
Well-Known Member
- Feb 23, 2018
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only 3 updates ? some team (so several people who work on the game) give you only one update per year
shitass1001
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Pretty sure its just one person, regardless, who cares? it isnt gonna kill someone if the update takes a while.
You're misunderstanding them; I did too, at first. They're saying that other games have teams of multiple people that only put out one update a year--but BaiBai is one person and he puts out at least 3. So they're defending BaiBai's pace of work. Which I absolutely would as well, the updates are pretty damn large and substantive.
shitass1001
Well-Known Member
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Ah you are right, thanks for correcting me
I prefer quality updates over quantity. having an update every month that adds 1 small update is not great tbh.
ramvivat
Engaged Member
- Jun 28, 2022
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yeah but each cons have their own pros.
small update - yeah but this give us "sense of pulse" to where plot is ruled.
both - big updte or small update - is good by its own.
RG80100
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3/4 updates per year is perfect. You can go back to the story, you still remember the plot. There are games, for example Ripples (which I love), but the updates are so far apart that I've already restarted 2 times to remember the story...
Most likely BaiBai also do real job can take into consideration so I'm not complaining
Yeah I suspect he's german and his subscribestar income doesn't look like it would be enough to live in Germany, especially with its taxes and insurance for self employed people.
Not unless he lives like the protagonist before his untimely demise.