VN Ren'Py Twisted Memories [v0.9b] [BaiBai]

[BaiBai_]

Hey, thanks for the reply. Another point of clarification, bombast doesn't always refer to word choice--in this particular case, I don't mean it in terms of the particular words you're opting to use; but, again, in a structural sense. At this point my critique would probably be best served by taking a section of your writing and reformulating it to indicate where I think the issues lie.

I've been hesitant to do something like that because I'm not sure it would be well received (not by the forum, I mean you personally), and also frankly, I usually charge a lot for it. If you're open to it though, I'll try to whip something up to see if you think it's useful in conveying what I'm trying to get across, and can be helpful as you plan your writing in the future.

To further clarify yet again, I think your work is good--otherwise I wouldn't be taking the time to drop these walls-of-text. If you look at some of my other posts I've defended it against critiques of the pacing/logic--both of which I think are great and internally consistent. That's why I've tried to make sure my critique is as narrow and precise as possible, but I guess some people are getting the wrong message from it all the same (that I think the whole thing is dogshit, which it's very much not).

No need to worry about how I receive things, I can take it. For the most part I don't think its that difficult to see where people are coming from when criticizing things about the game and as long as I don't feel like its in bad faith I appreciate all feedback.

Not unless he lives like the protagonist before his untimely demise.

I'm nothing like the MC, I still got a full head of hair.

 

[dolfe67]

I'm nothing like the MC, I still got a full head of hair.

What a lucky bastard

 

[Small-pp-22]

I'm nothing like the MC, I still got a full head of hair.

Now I hate you

 

[Xythurr]

Bald Supremacy!

 

[Small-pp-22]

Bald Supremacy!

I have a lot of love for my crater

 

[frozenfeet]

BaiBai_
We get to steal Catherine from Aden, Alyvia from Dillan, Hopefully Melena from Leo (Don't really like Leo that much). Will we get to steal Ellie from Zaire? Ellie has those cute little hands and nice full breasts and such a luscious round ass she just looks so delicious , I really hope we can!

 

[Alandir]

BaiBai_
We get to steal Catherine from Aden, Alyvia from Dillan, Hopefully Melena from Leo (Don't really like Leo that much). Will we get to steal Ellie from Zaire? Ellie has those cute little hands and nice full breasts and such a luscious round ass she just looks so delicious , I really hope we can!

Why would you want anything from Melena. She sucks. Her character sucks, she's annoying and she looks worse than pretty much every other LI in the game.
Let Leo have her. They can be annoying together, away from the mc.

 

[horns of giant]

BaiBai_
We get to steal Catherine from Aden, Alyvia from Dillan, Hopefully Melena from Leo (Don't really like Leo that much). Will we get to steal Ellie from Zaire? Ellie has those cute little hands and nice full breasts and such a luscious round ass she just looks so delicious , I really hope we can!

instruction unclear, we get stealing Leo form Melena.

 

[hysepReC]

I'd usually be all for stealing another dude's girl but the MC literally set Melena up with Leo to get her off his back. It would be weird for him to suddenly decide he wants her for himself.

 

[frozenfeet]

I'd usually be all for stealing another dude's girl but the MC literally set Melena up with Leo to get her off his back. It would be weird for him to suddenly decide he wants her for himself.

Actually it's a great punishment for being such a whiny douche.

 

[Dogorti]

Why would you want anything from Melena. She sucks. Her character sucks, she's annoying and she looks worse than pretty much every other LI in the game.
Let Leo have her. They can be annoying together, away from the mc.

Because people are idiots who want what they can't have. If Malena were a LI, she would surely be the most hated in the game and hardly anyone would pay attention to her, but since the dev said that she is not LI, there is a certain group that believes she's hot and stuff like that.

 

[frozenfeet]

Why would you want anything from Melena. She sucks. Her character sucks, she's annoying and she looks worse than pretty much every other LI in the game.
Let Leo have her. They can be annoying together, away from the mc.

Why because she doesn't have big fat fake tits? Alyvia was a total cunt when the game started but everyone likes her, she still kind of is and so is Vikki but she is a love interest as well, Mya isn't exactly that great either but she is an LI too. Your logic doesn't hold water your ship is sinking. That is a trope of almost every VN on this site the bitchy girl who has to be tamed.

Because people are idiots who want what they can't have. If Malena were a LI, she would surely be the most hated in the game and hardly anyone would pay attention to her, but since the dev said that she is not LI, there is a certain group that believes she's hot and stuff like that.

So you mean like yourself since you like to go around calling people names like a little school kid?

 

[Dogorti]

Why because she doesn't have big fat fake tits? Alyvia was a total cunt when the game started but everyone likes her, she still kind of is and so is Vikki but she is a love interest as well, Mya isn't exactly that great either but she is an LI too. Your logic doesn't hold water your ship is sinking. That is a trope of almost every VN on this site the bitchy girl who has to be tamed.


So you mean like yourself since you like to go around calling people names like a little school kid?

Alyvia was a bitch, yes, but Malena is not just a bitch, she is annoying and an airhead. Her character has nothing interesting, nothing to do with Alyvia, and making her interesting would be wasting time when there are already characters with an archetype a bit similar. It makes no sense in my opinion that there is interest in Malena when all (and I mean ALL) the LIs in the game are hotter and more interesting than her.


And I didn't call anyone specific an idiot, if you feel addressed, that's your problem.

 

[frozenfeet]

Alyvia was a bitch, yes, but Malena is not just a bitch, she is annoying and an airhead. Her character has nothing interesting, nothing to do with Alyvia, and making her interesting would be wasting time when there are already characters with an archetype a bit similar. It makes no sense in my opinion that there is interest in Malena when all (and I mean ALL) the LIs in the game are hotter and more interesting than her.


And I didn't call anyone specific an idiot, if you feel addressed, that's your problem.

So you quoted the guy who quoted me, sounds pretty specific to me, guess you not only call people names but can't even take responsibility for it when you do. And even if it wasn't specific that just means you are calling a bunch of people idiots instead.

 

[Ktwoc]

Are we back to the Melena arc again ?

 

[Alandir]

Why because she doesn't have big fat fake tits? Alyvia was a total cunt when the game started but everyone likes her, she still kind of is and so is Vikki but she is a love interest as well, Mya isn't exactly that great either but she is an LI too. Your logic doesn't hold water your ship is sinking. That is a trope of almost every VN on this site the bitchy girl who has to be tamed.

She constantly has resting bitch face, isn't as well endowed as the other characters and in general just has nothing that really stands out about her looks (Nothing attractive, the face does stand out).
We already have the bitchy girl, it's vicky and maybe a bit Alyvia. But that's also it, her character doesn't stand out either. Alyvia has her romantic side, Vicky has the classic tsundere juxtaposition of her aggressive side normally and the shy, embarrassed side when she see's glimpses of mc's younger self in mc. And Mya has that playfull, flirty personality that is endearing.
Melana is just vapid. She just wants mc because he's the current talk of the school among the girls. And she is annoying, but not in a bratty way that would be fun to tame. Vicky will be fun to tame, Alyvia will be fun to conquer, Mya will be fun to dominate. Melana has no real appeal in that way.
If you disagree then great. Good for you. But it's not gonna happen, the dev introduced the whole leo and melana romance so that he has an excuse to have leo be absent. He already has so many storylines and LI's to juggle, he's not gonna introduce a whole other storyline just to add another LI and put Leo into the forefront of the plot after he went through the trouble to have less of leo, not more.
We already know what the last secondary LI is gonna look like and it's gonna be a milf. You can find her in some pictures already. I think she was in the last christmas screenshot baibai posted.

 

[Cherubin25]

Those sad fucks again who already have up to 12 (!!) LIs which are all better looking and way more fleshed out than this bland side character Melena, but still they want her, just to cheat Leo out of his girlfrind.

 

[youngbloodjulius]

Can anyone tell me what direction/content will the upcoming update focus on?

 

[Ktwoc]

Can anyone tell me what direction/content will the upcoming update focus on?

Melena

 

[Dogorti]

Can anyone tell me what direction/content will the upcoming update focus on?

NTR and BBC content.