VN Ren'Py Uncontrollable Lust [v0.12a Reworked] [Funny Desires]

[Hyped]

Half the spammy assets in the banner have their clothes clipped. The logo on their patreon is a giant question mark, literally. Goal set at 2000$ to buy a decent graphics card. And there's a 100$ tier for 4k wallpapers and polls. Who's begging for 4k versions of these trashy renders?

This whole "adult gaming daz clone renpy" market should be the new nigerian prince scam meme.

 

[Okamikari]

Ooo, what a ride. .That was straight forward fun .I got lost counting, how much MC came with( in ) one woman.
I am really, REALLY looking forward what is coming next.

 

[Gardan]

Half the spammy assets in the banner have their clothes clipped. The logo on their patreon is a giant question mark, literally. Goal set at 2000$ to buy a decent graphics card. And there's a 100$ tier for 4k wallpapers and polls. Who's begging for 4k versions of these trashy renders?

This whole "adult gaming daz clone renpy" market should be the new nigerian prince scam meme.

You have really good point! Doggy looking patreon, those 2k, 4k & 6k goals ROFL.

 

[Bloodly]

Half the spammy assets in the banner have their clothes clipped. The logo on their patreon is a giant question mark, literally. Goal set at 2000$ to buy a decent graphics card. And there's a 100$ tier for 4k wallpapers and polls. Who's begging for 4k versions of these trashy renders?

This whole "adult gaming daz clone renpy" market should be the new nigerian prince scam meme.

Aren't people already doing a bunch of 'Subscribe to my Patreon' jokes these days?

 

[Deleted member 15555]

i'll add skip options, so those who does not want to see some fetishes they can jump them..

No need to worry mc won't be becoming chick xD, and it will be the mc who will be doing these things, Because i don't intend to make the mc a little innocent boy. hahaha

A skip button dont help at all if it happen, for example, i dont want to share the wife, by avoidable we mean really avoidable like in this update the mc prevented a rape... Thats what i mean, if the content still happen even if i dont see it, well not my kind of game then

 

[Grick Rimes]

Lmao, best translation.

Spoiler

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She never compromises, loves babies and surprises
Wears hi-heels when she exercises
Ain't that beautiful
Meet Virginia

I can't wait to.... meet virginia, yeah-ehah-eaheyeah....

 

[Fzoner95]

Not really my kinda game. But ThunderRob should really like it:

 

[boraxkarloff]

Anyone notice the huge amount of times (towards) is used? And is it ever explained who the characters are when he takes "Debra" home? Dev really needs a dialogue coach.

 

[ThunderRob]

i should mention it needs a "supernatural" tag..because no human or natural world male can orgasm fully 5-6 times in a row with zero refractory period

 

[Silver]

I recommend the developer to use microsoft word when writing dialogues, as it automatically highlights misspelled words.

 

[Demon Jhim]

For an intro it has a lot of content/

 

[Okamikari]

i should mention it needs a "supernatural" tag..because no human or natural world male can orgasm fully 5-6 times in a row with zero refractory period

The original name of the MC is Clark Kent

 

[Trasher2018]

The renders are OKish. But something like this distracts me.


And the story does the same at the exact same moment. Why do we bring her into a hotel instead of a hospital or the police? It makes no sense that we bring her into a hotel and rent a room*. And why can she get new clothes there and will then go home? ...
I cant get over such illogical things ... reminds me of the Battle of Winterfell in GoT S8. Up to that point everythignw as fine, but then I saw a outnumbered army standing IN FRONT of the keep and even their sieg weapons where outside ... and then they wasted their cavalry and add them to the enemy ranks for no reason.

At the hotel you have to have sex with her, there is no way out. Maybe it is so important for the story ... Then there is some 4th wall breaking - I am not a fan of that. There are games that use it in a good way, here it feels just out of place.

And when you bring her home, there are a bunch of women and there is no explanation who they are. For the amount of pointless descriptive text, that is something worth mentioning.

Sure it is an intro, but especially then we should understand who the ppl are. Is that girl in the shower related to us or not? who are the girls in the harem of our coworker? ...

Maybe with a good writing style the problems would be a more minor issue for me, but the artless and simple writing with that engrish touch is not helping either.

It is a bumpy and rough start for me and still needs a lot of work imho.


Edit:
* it only makes sense because of plot convenience. Because at her house, the police or the hospital we could not have that creampie and sperm galore. And that is poor and lazy writing.

 

[playb0y44]

The renders are OKish. But something like this distracts me.
View attachment 408093

And the story does the same at the exact same moment. Why do we bring her into a hotel instead of a hospital or the police? It makes no sense that we bring her into a hotel and rent a room*. And why can she get new clothes there and will then go home? ...
I cant get over such illogical things ... reminds me of the Battle of Winterfell in GoT S8. Up to that point everythignw as fine, but then I saw a outnumbered army standing IN FRONT of the keep and even their sieg weapons where outside ... and then they wasted their cavalry and add them to the enemy ranks for no reason.

At the hotel you have to have sex with her, there is no way out. Maybe it is so important for the story ... Then there is some 4th wall breaking - I am not a fan of that. There are games that use it in a good way, here it feels just out of place.

And when you bring her home, there are a bunch of women and there is no explanation who they are. For the amount of pointless descriptive text, that is something worth mentioning.

Sure it is an intro, but especially then we should understand who the ppl are. Is that girl in the shower related to us or not? who are the girls in the harem of our coworker? ...

Maybe with a good writing style the problems would be a more minor issue for me, but the artless and simple writing with that engrish touch is not helping either.

It is a bumpy and rough start for me and still needs a lot of work imho.


Edit:
* it only makes sense because of plot convenience. Because at her house, the police or the hospital we could not have that creampie and sperm galore. And that is poor and lazy writing.

To save time i used a scene in parts when rendering, but turns out that does not work very well, when i saw that , i no longer had the save file to render again, and setting all again is lot of time consuming, so i leave it for now, in future little by little , i will try to correct the mistakes i made.
as for story, it had to be this way because my idea is because she reminded mc his first unfilled love,(lost love ?) anyway so the hotel scene.
Edit: by the way game name is "uncontrollable lust" so there is going to tons of sex.

 

[botc76]

That was fun.

When I saw "thug A" and "thug B" aka "old nude Joker" and "singer from Right Said Fred" I laughed until there were tears in my eyes. From that point on I just continued laughing.

Since Ghost Vengeance is on hold, I might consider this game a worthy successor.

Okay, with that out of the way.
The art looks okay, the story such as it is, isn't a problem.
The problem definitely lies with the writing. I'm sorry, but it's just really not good.
I can't say it more politely. It's not even the bad English alone, it's also like others have mentioned that almost constantly the narrative is thrown at us players, as if we are blind and can't see what's happening.

Of course you can use descriptive writing in a VN, BUT don't describe the stuff we already see, add details, go into the thoughts and motivations of the characters
Like this, the writing just reads really bland.
I am sure this is an important project for you, if it is, you should maybe consider to reduce your contribution to the actual development of the game and the plot and let someone else do the writing.

You're a cool presence on the boards here, with your compressed versions being much appreciated, and through that you have my respect.
And it is with said respect that I give you my honest opinion, that unless your writing improves significantly, this game probably won't ever realize it's potential. If not an actual writer you would at least need an editor, with a really good grasp of the English language, who can advise you and remove unnecessary lines.

 

[SandmansMisery]

The story is weak, the writing needs work. Who is the chick in the shower is she the Mc's daughter, brother, uncle, pet monkey? The hotel desk girl who is she you get/give everyone names but her. The two woman at the house who are they? Are they Sisters/Mothers to the neighbor girl why do they miss her so much an care? Sorry stuff like this bugs me. The game looks good (The Girls) but lazy writing is going to kill it you need to give a description to who these people are to the Mc an others. Hoping after a couple updates I'll want to check out again.

 

[TiffanyMonroe]

I mean.... maybe with all these tags you don't like, this is not the right game for you?
If I would see a NTR/foot fetish/femdom/sissy/golden shower/ limbless torso game I would get the hell out of dodge.

I take extreme umbrage to you putting something as delicious as sissy in the same shit box as ntr and foot fetish. I thought we were friends lol
But for real he needs to hire a writer or at least rent a 5th grader to rewrite everything.

 

[botc76]

I take extreme umbrage to you putting something as delicious as sissy in the same shit box as ntr and foot fetish. I thought we were friends lol
But for real he needs to hire a writer or at least rent a 5th grader to rewrite everything.

I mean.... I mostly object to the MC going through sissy-fication... with sissy characters I see it sort of like with TG characters. AS long as the MC doesn't have to touch dick I can live with them, though not really my cuppa.

 

[Chrathrard]

I take extreme umbrage to you putting something as delicious as sissy in the same shit box as ntr and foot fetish. I thought we were friends lol
But for real he needs to hire a writer or at least rent a 5th grader to rewrite everything.

I take umbrage with you using the word umbrage, but then the word "sissy."

 

[playb0y44]

The story is weak, the writing needs work. Who is the chick in the shower is she the Mc's daughter, brother, uncle, pet monkey? The hotel desk girl who is she you get/give everyone names but her. The two woman at the house who are they? Are they Sisters/Mothers to the neighbor girl why do they miss her so much an care? Sorry stuff like this bugs me. The game looks good (The Girls) but lazy writing is going to kill it you need to give a description to who these people are to the Mc an others. Hoping after a couple updates I'll want to check out again.

i have changed the whole dialogues, hope it's better then before.

I mean.... I mostly object to the MC going through sissy-fication... with sissy characters I see it sort of like with TG characters. AS long as the MC doesn't have to touch dick I can live with them, though not really my cuppa.

Don't worry no dick touching for mc.

The renders are OKish. But something like this distracts me.
View attachment 408093

And the story does the same at the exact same moment. Why do we bring her into a hotel instead of a hospital or the police? It makes no sense that we bring her into a hotel and rent a room*. And why can she get new clothes there and will then go home? ...
I cant get over such illogical things ... reminds me of the Battle of Winterfell in GoT S8. Up to that point everythignw as fine, but then I saw a outnumbered army standing IN FRONT of the keep and even their sieg weapons where outside ... and then they wasted their cavalry and add them to the enemy ranks for no reason.

At the hotel you have to have sex with her, there is no way out. Maybe it is so important for the story ... Then there is some 4th wall breaking - I am not a fan of that. There are games that use it in a good way, here it feels just out of place.

And when you bring her home, there are a bunch of women and there is no explanation who they are. For the amount of pointless descriptive text, that is something worth mentioning.

Sure it is an intro, but especially then we should understand who the ppl are. Is that girl in the shower related to us or not? who are the girls in the harem of our coworker? ...

Maybe with a good writing style the problems would be a more minor issue for me, but the artless and simple writing with that engrish touch is not helping either.

It is a bumpy and rough start for me and still needs a lot of work imho.


Edit:
* it only makes sense because of plot convenience. Because at her house, the police or the hospital we could not have that creampie and sperm galore. And that is poor and lazy writing.

Changed the render.