You should be able to run vam without soft body physics fine at 1080p or even 1440p with lowered res-scale.
You could use the naturalis plugin for females for breast and rear "physics".
Its also working without soft body physics. It looks really realistic but collision is, well without soft body physics.
Not sure if the shake it plugin also works without soft body physics but it should. To get realistic muscle movements.
I haven't noticed any performance drops. Naturalis even gets me better fps because you can disable rear soft body physics and just use vulva and tiddy physics or vise-versa. Maybe this helps or you already know all of this stuff
If Vam1
You could almost double your FPS if you use process lasso and or the cpu fix from the hub and if you are using VR, the openvr fsr mod.
Tone down hair physics (both top sliders to 16) for all hair assets (remove male hair) and set each hair asset's shader type to "fast".
Virtual sweetheart, one of the largest scenes I've ever tested was running at 18-20fps before in VR and with all of this 35-40fps.
Even more when you only use one or two low range light sources.
R9 5900x, 32gb ram, 1080ti