I dont really understand how to play this, i have balls instead of hands, i can barely move, so many buttons that dont really do much.... how do i play this, just watch some scenes?
It's not easy to answer that.
The first time I played VAM I just gave up because everything was shit: performance, females, animations, UI... thankfully, you can customize many things (even the UI and the performance). Once I grasped the fundamentals, I found myself fully immersed in VAM, abandoning all other games in favor of this captivating experience.
But first things first: your first problem is that you have no hands. So just toggle this setting
How do you play? You can create or download a scene to watch and interact with it. Most scenes are like this. Some rare scenes have some 'gameplay', like these ones:
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But Vam scene creators don't really focus on the gameplay aspect. The game is more focused in sex scenes interactions and customizing. Other games will have a video or some pictures. Some games may have full 3D sex scenes with free camera control, but the animations are baked and you can't really change them in any way. That's where VAM is different. Vam will let you hold the girl's head, arms, legs; touch her as you want; put your fingers anywhere...
To avoid a long boring learning session that looks like a tutorial, I would start just enjoying some good scenes with good looks. I know this is subjective, but my favorite looks are from Solerrain and Dnaddr; and my favorite scenes are from Alpacalaps, Flyroxy, Cuddlemocap.
After getting the hang of it, you can try customizing stuff to better fit your preferences.