SOON I'LL FINALLY BE ABLE TO GIVE NOOK AND THE PRINCESS THE LOVE AND ATTENTION THEY DESERVE, I CAN BARELY WAIT!!!!
2 quick questions, i'm still on version 1.4, is the dwarf babe in yet or is she coming soon? And will the sexy yandere stalker get some TLC in the next update?
After releasing this update, I am going to study Git and Github in hopes of making a remote repository for the UserData folder in my creation program and the entire project folder within RenPy so I never lose any data ever again lol. I'm also going to study up a bit on RenPy so I can learn how to make a lot of the girls optional, and have which scene gets displayed when you choose to spend time with her controlled by a variable. I know how I THINK it's done... but not EXACTLY how to execute it. Cecilia will absolutely be one of those optional paths, as well as some of the more extreme girls, such as the Harpy girl.
If I had my way, I'd make every girl optional and just have the main story be the main story without H-scenes, but I've already written this much in this format, so... we gotta deal with the way I designed this when I had no idea what I was doing lol. That and the main story involves a lot of the girls, so there would be checkpoints you'd have to get to to unlock progression with the girls on the side and... I don't know how to do all of that. So linear kinetic novel with minimal choices it is, for now.
Perhaps if I ever finish this game and start a new one, I'll have a better base design. But people seem to be enjoying it overall.
After releasing this update, I am going to study Git and Github in hopes of making a remote repository for the UserData folder in my creation program and the entire project folder within RenPy so I never lose any data ever again lol. I'm also going to study up a bit on RenPy so I can learn how to make a lot of the girls optional, and have which scene gets displayed when you choose to spend time with her controlled by a variable. I know how I THINK it's done... but not EXACTLY how to execute it. Cecilia will absolutely be one of those optional paths, as well as some of the more extreme girls, such as the Harpy girl.
If I had my way, I'd make every girl optional and just have the main story be the main story without H-scenes, but I've already written this much in this format, so... we gotta deal with the way I designed this when I had no idea what I was doing lol. That and the main story involves a lot of the girls, so there would be checkpoints you'd have to get to to unlock progression with the girls on the side and... I don't know how to do all of that. So linear kinetic novel with minimal choices it is, for now.
Perhaps if I ever finish this game and start a new one, I'll have a better base design. But people seem to be enjoying it overall.
Im glad you are giving Github/Bitbucket a try.... that's my everyday tool in my job, Im sure you will be able to avoid any critical loss in the future.
also a piece of advice I don't know if I already said it before, but anyways...if you are looking to make some of the girls optional, I still think you should consider letting us befriend and hang out with them (and of course help them solve with their personal issues) even if we are not pursuing them romantically, I said this because it helps a lot to keep players engaged if you decide you want to focus the next update on the orc girl by example, people will still have content to enjoy even if they aren't interested in having sex with her because they will be able to spend time with her and enjoy her story (without the sexy bits of course...their loss I guess XD).
Im glad you are giving Github/Bitbucket a try.... that's my everyday tool in my job, Im sure you will be able to avoid any critical loss in the future.
also a piece of advice I don't know if I already said it before, but anyways...if you are looking to make some of the girls optional, I still think you should consider letting us befriend and hang out with them (and of course help them solve with their personal issues) even if we are not pursuing them romantically, I said this because it helps a lot to keep players engaged if you decide you want to focus the next update on the orc girl by example, people will still have content to enjoy even if they aren't interested in having sex with her because they will be able to spend time with her and enjoy her story (without the sexy bits of course...their loss I guess XD).
Yes, that's kind of the idea, to offer a little more player freedom rather than just "tell my story." But I have to learn a lot more stuff that will make updates come even slower 'cause I'm soloing this project. We'll get there. I'm currently wrestling with a beach map because it's being a dick to me. I eventually want there to be dialogue to make all sex scenes optional, but trust me when I say that is a LOT more writing and hours put into each scene for content that someone can just click a button and skip. Which means even slower updates, which means even more potential lost Patrons...
So here's where things get exciting. The final scene for Sunday is DONE. Just finished shooting, scripting, and scoring. Now I'm bugtesting the scene. The second build is almost ready for the T5 Patreon supporters!
As promised, I will also be uploading the newest build DIRECTLY to Itch as well (not Mega). The price for this build will start at the same price of the T5 Creator Tier on Patreon, $75. Is that a lot? Yes. But they also get to create custom characters and help direct the story. The price will decrease every week to match the current Patreon tier that has access to the build, until it is eventually free to everyone. So if you're patient, you can get it for free. You just have to wait a month or so.
Truth be told? I'm nervous about this release. Y'all have had to wait over half a year for this, due to massive disasters and bad luck on my end. It took so long, and... is there enough content? Will people be happy with what I've released? I'm hoping so. I've figured out how to work much faster, so I'm hoping future updates will be done in far less time. I guess I'm just afraid of people finishing this build and going, "That's it? I waited half a year for this?" So I really hope that everyone enjoys how the story is progressing, and the interactions with the girls I picked for this week.
Anyways... after bugtesting, all I have left to do in this build is put the new H-scenes in the Gallery and construct the end card. With more support on Patreon, I could quit my job and work on this and my Twitch stream full time. So every little bit helps and goes toward that goal!
Thank you all for your patience. We're in the home stretch. Build 2 will be available within a week, and will hit Patreon and Itch before I go down south for my grandmother's funeral. Huge thanks to everyone that stuck with me and encouraged me not to abandon the game. We have something special here.
And that's just in the Thursday through Sunday update that nobody has played. If you haven't played the +2 day update with Tuesday and Wednesday, there's... well, more. I didn't count and I'm not going to.
We've weathered disasters. I've lost family members, a relationship, and came back with fuggin Covid. But ya know what? We still did it. We still got this game updated. We still got tons more content for you to enjoy. I love you all and how passionate you are about my story and what I'm trying to do with the H-Game genre.
As of right now, Chapter 5 is available to Tier 5 Patreon supporters. However, since I know some fans of the game CAN'T use Patreon, I have uploaded the builds directly to Itch. On Itch, the price to download the builds will be exactly the same as the Patreon tier that has access to it, and it will decrease every week until it's free to everyone.
Schedule:
11/6/21 - Patreon Tier 5 Access/ Itch Price: $75
11/12/21 - Patreon Tier 4 Access/ Itch Price: $25
11/19/21 - Patreon Tier 3 Access/ Itch Price: $10
11/23/21 - Patreon Tier 2 Access/Itch Price: $5
11/26/21 - Public Release: Free for everybody
I really hope you all enjoy all the work I put into this update. I'm going to take a little bit of time off to learn Github and Git so I can have a version control system that's better than removable SSD, which KEEP LOSING DATA for some reason. After that, I'll get back to developing Week 3. Thank you all so much for your support, and I look forward to hearing your answers on the survey at the end of the game!
Hello VictorSeven. I've played through your game and this is my feedback:
Edit: disclaimer. I'm sometimes a mean sumbitch without realizing it and I say exactly what's on my mind. Maybe don't read below if you're sensistive to criticism or have problems with a me using a harsh tone.
Hello VictorSeven. I've played through your game and this is my feedback:
Edit: disclaimer. I'm sometimes a mean sumbitch without realizing it and I say exactly what's on my mind. Maybe don't read below if you're sensistive to criticism or have problems with a me using a harsh tone.
1000% agree,even though Im not a fan of jump scares that mundane routine followed by the WHAM was handled masterfully Im glad to see more people appreciate that.
Agree, warnings are dumb and people shouldn't be so sensitive about the kind of content there is currently in the game, that said some people expressed their dislike for some of the content you get to access in the game so a warning is needed to help people avoid it, that said, as you said It would be highly appreciated if the warnings were more subtle and didn't just spoil the events to occur....
If this is some kind of product of a mentality where "I need to go for a slow escalation, with handjob, boobjobs, then blowjobs, in order, before getting to the 'real' stuff" Then I definitely urge you to reconsider. Strict piecemeal escalation will taint the story and break immersion. Everyone will expect it and it will get boring.
Kinda disagree, escalation is important in this kind of games, if you go full on sex on the first lewd scene, subsequent sex scenes with the same character will be less special and building anticipation will make the "real sex" scenes a lot hotter, if you go for instant gratification you are in for a short one. I wouldn't mind to have a more liberal LIs who just loves sex and jump straight into it, but that should be the exception, not the rule.
Tit rubbing scene: very cringe.
This isn't even barely-passable. First off, being able to orgasm from titrubbing is just such a porn-logic thing. It feels cheap. Then, after she gets off what about MC? I feel a bit robbed here. Is she being a bitch just leaving him hangning like that? Is our MC fine with that? Please don't let it be so!
It's fine to have the MC have some flaws, but please don't let pussy-ass-bitch-syndrome be one of them. Any man who's even the slightest bit horny would try to escalte the shit out of the situation and at least try to see if maybe she's fine with putting it in an orifice, maybe just the tip? Let some hands wander, feel some other stuff up and maybe try to remove some clothing. At least untill she pulls the plug! It's definitely not fine to make a lewd game where the MC is lacking sexual initiative.
MC just goes "nah" to all escalation and tries to be a good little boi just leaving her there, "thinking about the future". Urk! Bleh! Where's his attraction for her? Is MC gay? That's a very very pussy ass bitch move by him and reeks of insecurity.
STRONG disagree, first off, respecting her boundaries and not pushing her to something she might not be ready for is not a "pussy-ass-bitch" move, is just being a decent human being, you can be annoyed for being blue balled, but pressuring someone to escalate the situation because you feel entitled to more by her sounds a little bit like a pretty dangerous mindset, and for crazy rapey people we already have the Yandere girl...the MC is an adult not a fucking teenager that can't control his impulses and the second she removes consent you just fucking stop, now you can be a bitch about it and complain (super alpha move) or be glad with the advancement and prepare for the next opportunity because spoilers, if you are allowed to fondle the breast of someone that means it eventually go further, just don't be weird about it.
Also, in real life, the hornier people are, the less they talk and think. Unless something that's happening really causes them distress. Then they think about that, maybe. The scene is wayyy to wordy. Talking should end when the sex scene starts, unless you're going for role play scenarios. (I can't belive my stepfather would do that!... you get the idea). Maybe there's room for some basic sentences in between aaahs and oooohs. You don't think straight when you're very horny. The scene should reflect that! I can't believe you're missing the opportunity for wordless storytelling when it matters the most!
The only way to make a wordless sex scene (that doesn't suck) would be to make longer sexual encounters, and that would take a lot more time and resources. This is a visual novel in the end and the erotica and sexual descriptions help a lot to set the mood and help us use our imagination to fill the gaps and add more details that the animations can't portray and they are pretty good if you are into it.
STRONG disagree, first off, respecting her boundaries and not pushing her to something she might not be ready for is not a "pussy-ass-bitch" move, is just being a decent human being, you can be annoyed for being blue balled, but pressuring someone to escalate the situation because you feel entitled to more by her sounds a little bit like a pretty dangerous mindset, and for crazy rapey people we already have the Yandere girl...the MC is an adult not a fucking teenager that can't control his impulses and the second she removes consent you just fucking stop, now you can be a bitch about it and complain (super alpha move) or be glad with the advancement and prepare for the next opportunity because spoilers, if you are allowed to fondle the breast of someone that means it eventually go further, just don't be weird about it.
Yea, let's agree to disagree then. Maybe I misread the scene. Yea it turns out I really did.
I feel the need to point out that "trying to escalate" is not the same as "pressuring someone into a situation the're not comfortable with". I said clearly, "escalate until she pulls the plug", meaning: until she says no.
Which she kinda did, now that I check it again. Because she was tired. I missed it because it makes absolutely zero sense. Girls don't just cum buckets then ask you to fuck off in real life. Unless that's exactly what you're there for, and nothing else.
I expect some post-orgasm cuddles at least, and honestly in 5 mins most normal girls would be ready to go again. And let me tell you, that boner isn't going away after that excercise and may pop up in conversation. Right now the scene is, "shit I came so much, now you can leave". And then MC leaves. To me this is the equivalent of showing a character washing dishes in-game just to point out how unfun that experience is. That the MC just takes it then goes for the long haul is such a pussy move. Where's his frustration!?
And btw respectful totally-respecting-the-boundaries sex is bland and boring in real life and makes zero sense in a lewd game. It's not automatically rapey having trouble keeping the horniness contained. Isn't the point of fiction to show something larger than life, more fun and exciting than boring dish washing? I'd like to think so. The SJW narrative everyone is pushing nowadays, where you need to ask the lady for extra clarificiation that she has consented to you putting the P in the V before you do it is so fucking boring and is defintely out-of-place in a story that tries to be sexy. I guess it could make sense in a game if it's there to stir up a discussion about the merits of that kind of bullshit, but I'm not getting that here. Is it really too much for me to ask of the lewd games that I play that they show people really hot and bothered, struggling to contain their excitement? It doesn't all have to be tips fedoras and respectfully, m'lady's.
I guess what bothers me the most is that at no point is it the MC who is pushing things forward, he's just along for the ride. -And being used for sexual stimulation then being told to fuck off is a pretty shitty ride, let me tell you. I could maybe respect it if MC saw the end result coming and decided to go with it anyway. At least then it's a concious choice, albeit a shitty one.
Kinda disagree, escalation is important in this kind of games, if you go full on sex on the first lewd scene, subsequent sex scenes with the same character will be less special and building anticipation will make the "real sex" scenes a lot hotter, if you go for instant gratification you are in for a short one. I wouldn't mind to have a more liberal LIs who just loves sex and jump straight into it, but that should be the exception, not the rule.
Yes, you're absolutely right, if we're talking about an author who can't keep creating interesting scenarios after 2 characters bang. I have higher hopes for VictorSeven. Also if you're dead set on delivering a step-by-step scene-by-scene escalation then it needs to make sense from a story perspective. Have some scenes interrupted for example. I'm not saying this is the way to go, because it's hard to make this kind of escalation make sense from a story perspective. My point here is that any attempt at scene-by-scene escalation will invevitably devolve into porn logic plot. If it's between this choice and just having them bang, I say go for the bang, because then at least the story won't get compromised. Obviously the best choice would be to have scene-by-scene escalation be consistent with the story, but I think that's near impossible. No matter how you chose to skin this cat though, there are definitely better ways to handle this than "go away now I'm tired, we'll do more some other time".
Edit: just imagine what the reactions would be with the gender roles swapped. MC bangs her and cums twice, she doesn't get off, the MC is tired and asks her to leave, leaving her frustrated. You'd get burned at the stake for third-degree misogyny!
First of all, thank you so much for being willing to spend all that time on your extensive and well-articulated feedback! Detail such as this is hard to come by in most cases, as people are rarely wont to spend so much time describing exactly what they love and hate about a project.
Regarding the harsh tone, my only personal rule is Don't Dish It Out If You Can't Take It. I will be responding to some of your criticisms, and I give as good as I get. Be prepared for some big right hands when I feel your arguments miss the mark entirely.
This made me chuckle. I know there are lots of people out there who claim to be authors, and then you read their work and it's god-awful. I'm learning that there's kind of a stigma around those who claim to be authors, but rest assured, I am not a self-declared author. I AM a published fantasy author and a book coach, and I hope my writing reflects that and serves to raise the bar a bit. You can find the first two books of my original series, The Riftkey Chronicles, available in softcover, hardcover, and ebook formats on Amazon at
Oh, yes. This being my first game, I had a lot to learn in a very short amount of time. I put a disclaimer at the beginning of a new game file for exactly that reason. Eventually, when I have more time and am less focused on putting new content out there, I want to go back and reshoot a lot of the scenes. The first one will be the morning scene that repeats, as it's quite jarring to go back to the old lighting style after transitioning to the new lighting techniques I learned. And I am still learning, so thank you for your patience.
I'm glad you mentioned this. I only put these in because I was receiving complaints from people who were considering dropping the game because they were being exposed to scenes they were not enjoying. I honestly hate them, too. But until I can go back and code in alternate branches for the MC to be able to refuse to participate in these scenes, the warnings are all I have, really. I'm open to more ideas. Sadly I am still very new to Ren'Py, so solutions may take time to implement as I learn how to code them.
Tit rubbing scene: very cringe.
This isn't even barely-passable. First off, being able to orgasm from titrubbing is just such a porn-logic thing. It feels cheap.
Ah, here we go. The meat and potatoes. Brace yourself, because I'm going to light you up a bit here.
First off, this scene and the Harpy scene, admittedly, are not my best work. They were a little rushed and a little forced because, as I said, this is my first H-game, and I worried that not having enough H-scenes near the beginning would make people drop the game for lack of lewd content. This, I feel, was a mistake, as the game would probably be better if I cut these two scenes out and moved them further down the line, with better explanation.
What you fail to understand here is that Gillie is WEIRD. Think about it. This chick is completely happy and bubbly while interacting with someone that the rest of the school avoids like the plague because of all the propaganda the headmistress is pushing. She drags you along to a library and then wants to meet you in an abandoned church because she feels "closer to the other side" there. She's obsessed with the world of the dead. Gillie is unhinged, my dude. I haven't shown you why yet, but I will. She's not your typical girl. So it is PERFECTLY in her character to skip the "believable escalation" because she has an abnormal mind. I didn't deck her out in the goth blacks and makeup for a reason. She's supposed to LOOK like the normal girly girl, but on the inside, she's something else entirely. She's a total weirdo. An outcast of sorts.
No, no, no, my friend. Any MEATHEAD who thinks only with his dick (most MCs of most H-games) would do this. What you're describing is another character in the game, Jack. HE would ABSOLUTELY take this route because of who he is. And you know what? He would be predictable and boring, because he's always going for the "kill shot," so to speak. You'd know exactly what he would try to do in every situation. The point of WCA is to do something DIFFERENT from all those other games.
Aurum is meant to be that difference. He's patient. Has LEGENDARY self-control. Likes to observe and gain information. He's emotionally intelligent and conscientious, but has room to pursue his own goals. He has a sense of pacing that most MCs lack. He knows how to tease, how to take her power away by not giving up everything right at the get-go, which leaves her surprised and interested in more. I wrote Aurum after my own experiences, and with a body count of over 60 (not really proud of how many frogs I've had to kiss, but whatever), I have more than enough "real life" experience to know that these things absolutely do work.
You need to research thoroughly how real-life horny people act. People do dumb shit when they are horny. They don't keep their hands to themselves. They start staring hungrily, sometimes that looks creepy. They do stuff they're maybe not proud of afterwards. If you want a good believable lewd story going forward then you really need to really work on portraying this.
Unfortunately, this is categorically false. DUMB people do dumb shit when they are horny. Those of us who have more self control? We play with our food. Staring hungrily? Looking creepy? That's a Jack type of thing to do. That's a meathead type of thing to do. And I must stress again, Aurum is very much not a meathead.
There's a scene in the coming update that you'll be able to play soon that I'm curious to see your reaction on. I'm going to spoil it here, though, because it articulates precisely how different Aurum is from someone like you, who seems to subscribe more to the Jack school of thought.
Believe it or not, there ARE girls out there who are this sensitive. I have been with two who were like this. It is not a porn-logic thing, it's just something you've never experienced.
Edit: just imagine what the reactions would be with the gender roles swapped. MC bangs her and cums twice, she doesn't get off, the MC is tired and asks her to leave, leaving her frustrated. You'd get burned at the stake for third-degree misogyny!
And here is my final rebuttal to your fixation on this one particular scene, something that you freely admitted earlier. You don't like to read during H-scenes. So you missed some very key details that make your criticism of this scene fall apart at the seams.
She OFFERED. When he refused, she INSISTED. And he refused again. Was he turned on? Of course he was. But he knew what he was doing. He was playing a game, a game that set a hook in her mind, a hook that will make her replay this over and over in her mind and eventually urge her to initiate. Aurum knows that, as pretty as she is, she's probably getting hit on left and right and is bored of that all-in kind of attention. Attention that you'd get from someone like Jack. The absence of pressure, the sly grin Aurum has when he holds back, both confuses her and intrigues her. It's different. It's new. It's exciting. THAT is the point.
Again, the scene as a whole is not my best work, and the Chapter 5 update will be free to the public before the end of the month. In it, Aurum takes on a much more dominant role in the scenes that occur there, so I wonder how your opinion might change.
Next, I feel there's a huge story inconsistency after MC gets rescued from the harpy. It ends way too abruptly and he doesn't even think about it twice. Like getting abducted, sucked off, then teleported to a pocket dimension where lesbian goblins are doing it was the most normal thing in the world. Like, what? Also what happened to his shoes?
This is spot on and I hate it lol. This scene group as a whole is such an eyesore and I'm considering replacing it or rewriting it. You're absolutely right at this one. Though you didn't seem to catch that Nook found his shoes in the woods, since they fell off while he was being abducted. But that doesn't change the fact that these two scenes suck, and could be retooled in a way that is less forced and more natural.
Is it really too much for me to ask of the lewd games that I play that they show people really hot and bothered, struggling to contain their excitement?
This is a fair point, and we're getting there. Again, I write from my own experiences. I'm a person who likes to be in control of myself at all times. I don't let loose around someone I've just barely met. I've done my share of fucking on the first date, pushing as far as she'll let me go. And I gotta be honest, I found that the experience was much better with some tension and anticipation built up beforehand rather than taking the kill shot as soon as it was available. I write Aurum in much the same way. This is a slow burn VN. Aurum has a dangerous yandere stalker after his ass. The last thing he wants to do is inadvertently create another one due to his own bad judgement. You will get what you want, that primal display of absolute lack of control and giving in to one's urges, but it is going to take TIME. For someone who absolutely hates his life and where he's stuck, coming around and actually enjoying things enough to start letting loose a little is going to take a little while.
Overall, I want to thank you for taking the time to put your feedback in. I do feel your criticisms are very biased toward your own experiences in life, which seem to be very, VERY different from mine, but that's okay. Our experiences differ, and that makes our expectations differ. I, personally, HATE an MC who has zero self-control, and who jumps at the chance to fuck as soon as the girl gives him the option.
For example, I once had a perfect 10 naked in a hotel bedroom. I walked out on her to show her that she couldn't control me. She ended up chasing me for a year after that. I feel that, had you been in my position, you would have dove in and been ghosted the day after, 'cause that was her habit. She got bored with easy guys real quick, and I put a bit of that into Gillie's personality. Sometimes you have to play with your food a little bit, show them they can't just turn you into a slobbering idiot with one flash of the puss. You're still reading Alpha books. The real Sigma move is learning how to make girls chase YOU instead of being the horndog they can wrap around their finger with ease. I promise you, the feeling of power is incredible.
I'm very much looking forward to releasing Chapter 5 to the public near the end of the month and seeing how you feel about the lewd scenes in that version. I'm wondering if I simply didn't display enough of Aurum's dominant side, which left you feeling like he was kind of a pushover/beta male.
This whole exchange has actually given me an idea. What if Jack had a scene or two with his own separate LI? You seem like someone who would have enjoyed the story more from Jack's perspective, the typical horndog with little self-control and even less respect. More of a sexual VN than a story-driven one. My thought is that Aurum just may not be the MC for your tastes, and I can't please everyone, this much is obvious. But I wonder how at least a scene or two from Jack's perspective would go over.
Thank you again for your time and your effort. I hope to chat with you again, after you've played Chapter 5, as I'm very interested to hear what you have to say about how things develop.
I'm glad you mentioned this. I only put these in because I was receiving complaints from people who were considering dropping the game because they were being exposed to scenes they were not enjoying. I honestly hate them, too. But until I can go back and code in alternate branches for the MC to be able to refuse to participate in these scenes, the warnings are all I have, really. I'm open to more ideas. Sadly I am still very new to Ren'Py, so solutions may take time to implement as I learn how to code them.
I didn't see the harpy scene. In fact, in this case I prefer a warning to be able to avoid see the scene. Although what I really would have preferred is to be able to avoid it altogether.
No, no, no, my friend. Any MEATHEAD who thinks only with his dick (most MCs of most H-games) would do this. What you're describing is another character in the game, Jack. HE would ABSOLUTELY take this route because of who he is. And you know what? He would be predictable and boring, because he's always going for the "kill shot," so to speak. You'd know exactly what he would try to do in every situation. The point of WCA is to do something DIFFERENT from all those other games.
Aurum is meant to be that difference. He's patient. Has LEGENDARY self-control. Likes to observe and gain information. He's emotionally intelligent and conscientious, but has room to pursue his own goals. He has a sense of pacing that most MCs lack. He knows how to tease, how to take her power away by not giving up everything right at the get-go, which leaves her surprised and interested in more. I wrote Aurum after my own experiences, and with a body count of over 60 (not really proud of how many frogs I've had to kiss, but whatever), I have more than enough "real life" experience to know that these things absolutely do work.
It actually seems like most MCs have a 12-year-old mentality (I've seen a tit, I get horny). It's as if the brain is on the head of the cock instead of the one above the shoulders. It's appreciated that this MC thinks like an adult and capable of controlling himself (something normal in almost all people). I've never been in a sexual situation where I couldn't control myself
Unfortunately, this is categorically false. DUMB people do dumb shit when they are horny. Those of us who have more self control? We play with our food. Staring hungrily? Looking creepy? That's a Jack type of thing to do. That's a meathead type of thing to do. And I must stress again, Aurum is very much not a meathead.
I like the MC's personality and also how he relates to the LIs. The sex scenes are a reflection of that and that he doesn't think with his cock first and then stops thinking.
Believe it or not, there ARE girls out there who are this sensitive. I have been with two who were like this. It is not a porn-logic thing, it's just something you've never experienced.
And here is my final rebuttal to your fixation on this one particular scene, something that you freely admitted earlier. You don't like to read during H-scenes. So you missed some very key details that make your criticism of this scene fall apart at the seams.
She OFFERED. When he refused, she INSISTED. And he refused again. Was he turned on? Of course he was. But he knew what he was doing. He was playing a game, a game that set a hook in her mind, a hook that will make her replay this over and over in her mind and eventually urge her to initiate. Aurum knows that, as pretty as she is, she's probably getting hit on left and right and is bored of that all-in kind of attention. Attention that you'd get from someone like Jack. The absence of pressure, the sly grin Aurum has when he holds back, both confuses her and intrigues her. It's different. It's new. It's exciting. THAT is the point.
Again, the scene as a whole is not my best work, and the Chapter 5 update will be free to the public before the end of the month. In it, Aurum takes on a much more dominant role in the scenes that occur there, so I wonder how your opinion might change.
This is spot on and I hate it lol. This scene group as a whole is such an eyesore and I'm considering replacing it or rewriting it. You're absolutely right at this one. Though you didn't seem to catch that Nook found his shoes in the woods, since they fell off while he was being abducted. But that doesn't change the fact that these two scenes suck, and could be retooled in a way that is less forced and more natural.
Like I said, I skipped the harpy scene. What happened next is an indecipherable enigma: from the warning we went on to the pocket dimension and to a lesbian scene that I don't know why it happens (I don't understand the reason for including this scene, really). In my case, you go from skipping one scene without seeing it to skipping another using CTRL without a continuity solution (the truth is that if you warn us and allow us to skip sex scenes, including the lesbian in it would be fine)
For example, I once had a perfect 10 naked in a hotel bedroom. I walked out on her to show her that she couldn't control me. She ended up chasing me for a year after that. I feel that, had you been in my position, you would have dove in and been ghosted the day after, 'cause that was her habit. She got bored with easy guys real quick, and I put a bit of that into Gillie's personality. Sometimes you have to play with your food a little bit, show them they can't just turn you into a slobbering idiot with one flash of the puss. You're still reading Alpha books. The real Sigma move is learning how to make girls chase YOU instead of being the horndog they can wrap around their finger with ease. I promise you, the feeling of power is incredible.
It all depends on the situation, I guess. If I'm only interested in a girl for a fuck (not usual, but sometimes it happens if her personality doesn't particularly appeal to me and she's very hot) then go ahead.
I usually cut quickly if a girl wants everything to revolve around her, in fact I prefer that they be the ones who call and want to see me and be the one to decide whether or not. I don't know if that's having the power, but I don't feel amazing, so I still haven't reached that extreme.
This whole exchange has actually given me an idea. What if Jack had a scene or two with his own separate LI? You seem like someone who would have enjoyed the story more from Jack's perspective, the typical horndog with little self-control and even less respect. More of a sexual VN than a story-driven one. My thought is that Aurum just may not be the MC for your tastes, and I can't please everyone, this much is obvious. But I wonder how at least a scene or two from Jack's perspective would go over.
As long as the rest of us don't have to watch those scenes... It's not usually a great idea to include sex scenes from otherguys than the MC in harem games, so I'd make that whole scenes completely skippables (Although there will be people who, even without being Jack's girlfriend a LI, will clamor to make the scenes avoidable and will even ask for the inclusion of the perfidious tag of the three letters)
There was one other point I forgot to make. Fun fact, every girl is a squirter if you're good enough with your hands. And this line right here that you delivered, about her being tired making zero sense... you're kind of calling out your own inexperience here. You've never give a girl a chain of 2-3 body rocking orgasms before, or you would know that most girls have a hard limit. I've lost count of the amount of times I've left a girl face down and shaking on my bed, unable to continue, without my own pleasure being attended to. And it's fine, because I love knowing that I was so good that I straight up put her on disability for the rest of the night, and I didn't even need to give her the D to do it. The ego boost is so phenomenal that I don't care about my physical needs. I have to get them a glass of water 'cause they're parched from all the heavy breathing and can't get it themselves because their legs don't work anymore. It's AWESOME.
I get comments all the time about how no guy has ever done this for her, or how they're so used to guys just doing what feels good to them, and then ending things when they're done, leaving the girl unsatisfied. Word to the wise, my friend, don't be the guy that girls complain about to guys like me. Becoming partner-focused was the best decision I made in my life, and the amount of surprise, gratitude, and straight up addiction I get from them is astounding. THEY chase ME, not the other way around. They end up wanting to "get me back" for what I did to them, promising to disable me just as completely. And boy, do they try. It's a game that has winners on both sides, completely different from the style of interaction you seem to expect, namely the "It Only Good If Me Get Off Somehow" school of thought. Just because it isn't the typical meathead thing to do doesn't make it wrong. So, respectfully, get outta here with that "you need to research how real life horny people work," and your talk of the MC having "virgin energy." I take these things as insults, and I have far more experience than you realize.
That's how I'm writing Aurum. For several of the LIs, he'll be working the slow burn angle. But every girl is different, and his interactions with each girl will take on a different speed.
Aoibheann, for example, moves much faster than, say, Kanako would. After your encounter with her in the new update, Aoibheann is ready for the D NOW.
Jade? She wants to test you. See your reactions. Test your courage and your self-control. She doesn't want a pussy. She wants someone who will stand up to her and overpower her. She wants a MAN. And once you do, she'll be addicted to you.
Ember is a different story entirely. She wants to KNOW you. Figure you out. See what makes you tick, and know everything in your past. She wants to dig into your mind and UNDERSTAND you. Ember is the kind of girl who will tease, but not put out for a long time, not until she feels that connection.
I write my characters with care, and Aurum is made to respond to these vastly different styles. Where a typical MC with Jack's philosophy would do the exact same thing with every girl (try to push as far as he can and get as much of his own pleasure as she'll allow), Aurum is more prone to reading the room and understanding that he needs to take a different approach with each LI. It's dynamic, it's unpredictable, and I hope most people find it enjoyable. I just need to shore up a few things (a few things that you made EXCELLENT points about, by the way), and I feel it will polish the experience nicely.
I want to reiterate that I enjoy these discussions and am grateful for the feedback. Just be aware that if you swing on me, I will not hesitate to swing back. I hope I've done a good job in explaining my intentions for the way I wrote things, and given you hope for the future that things will resolve in a manner you find satisfactory with some of the girls. There will be more WCA to come, and all feedback helps me make a great game for everyone.
Super cool man! Thank for the reply! That must have taken ages! Whoa, I don't know where to start.
I'll try, though.
Regarding MC behavior, I'll say this: I've definitely really had it with passive white knight MC's who can't take sexual initiative to save their lives. Especially if the game railroads you into it. Having both options is more than fine though, then all the neckbeard basement dwellers can go about respecting the shit out of their women as much as they want and I don't have to sit here and cringe to it. Since this is an interactive medium, you actually have the option to go both ways in this, just sayin.
You may think you're unique for taking a more "brainy" approach, but it has definitely been tried before. Many many times. The best example I can think of just from the top of my head would be City of broken dreamers, a game you should definitely check out if you haven't already. MC there is cold, calculated and capable. But it's also possible to let him be a horndog. If you accept the very first scene in that game then you're choosing to be late for an important business meeting to go bang a club slut. Not the smartest choice really, but it doesn't compromise his character like I belive you'd think it has to. Many smart and otherwise capable people in this world become near-retards when exposed to a whiff of tail. That's just human, doesn't break character and is a very relatable weakness for an MC to have.
I think you're overestimating the entertainment value of showing the MC in complete control at all times. That's just not very human at all. Could you write an engaging lewd story about a robot? That'd be very hard, to put it mildly.
I definitely give you credit for knowing that having a relatable MC is kinda important which is why I felt the need to telly you that you really lost me with the tit-rubbing scene. MC goes from "wow this is a cool and interesting character" to "blegh why is this beta cuck just ok with this?" in a hearbeat. Yes, she offered, but he said no! Why!? That still makes no sense at all in my mind and represents a clean break from how you've portrayed MC up until that point. If he isn't about sexual gratification, then why is it on his mind constantly? What's he even doing there? I'm feeling the inconsistecy hard here. Well opinions are subjective and all that, but that's my take.
I think you've also failed a little with showing us exactly how "unique" Gilly is, and you've definitely failed to show what warrants MCs continued interest in her. Yes, she's nice looking, but besides this what really makes her worth pursuing? She's been nice to MC? You talk like you're the Alpha'est of Alphas, but don't you see how horribly beta it is to pursue a girl just because "She's hot, and was nice to me."?
She's also giving off some serious red flags, her interests being what they are. Real me would probably nope the fuck out of that situation pretty quickly and be completely done with her forever. Porn-logic me would probably try to bang her once, then nope the fuck out if she didn't respond enthusiastically right away. It's pretty obvious there's some strange shit going on and I'd be real worried about ending up a ritual murder victim.
Honestly just axe the scene, especially if you aren't that proud of it to begin with. Because all my hangups about this game stem from this scene and this scene alone.
It's a fine line to walk, MC being cold and calculating vs horny, and I feel you've painted yourself into a corner a bit with this. If you make the MC passive, he's gonna become a beta bitch whether you like it or not, but if you make him active and plotting during sexual encounters, then that will give off some very predatory vibes. "Dumb horniness" has certain innocence to it, and when MC isn't innocent any more, you'll end up in some weird territory when it comes to sex. I'm definitely interested in seeing how you handle this going forward though. Since you're telling me he's being more active in the next chapter, I'm going to reserve my judgement until then. I'm just thinking this will definitely add some complications. I'm also most definitely very intrigued.
Regarding the MCs motivations: If MC isn't in it for the puss, then what exactly is he after? I was just going into this blindly assuming that he'd be all about that tail. There are plenty of story bits that reinforces this too, like him oogling titties. And now you're telling me he's kinda not about that at all. Well then what is he doing? And why? If you want to go this way then I feel you've failed to explain MC's deeper motivations. I mean, I'm totally all for it being revenge, or saving the world, or anything really, I just feel the groundwork isn't there yet. I paint my expectations onto the MC because you let me. So far he's a pretty blank slate.
Then I need to adress this:
For example, I once had a perfect 10 naked in a hotel bedroom. I walked out on her to show her that she couldn't control me. She ended up chasing me for a year after that. I feel that, had you been in my position, you would have dove in and been ghosted the day after, 'cause that was her habit.
I'd hate to have this discussion devolve into, "this is beta, this is alpha", but since you've opened the door I just cant resist.
I would maybe have a different approach than yours to a scenario like this. You're also leaving out a crucial bit of information: What exactly did she want you to do? Supplicate? If you think that's what I would do in the scenario above then you couldn't be more wrong.
I feel the beta move was trying to turn the tables on a manipulative slut. That's just never worth it, no matter how hot she is.
It's not a badge of honor to turn that situation into a longer thing. It's not success to "manipulate" her into wasting even more of your time.
If she wanted a bang and it would involve no supplication on my end, then that's what she would get. Then maybe she'd ghost me afterwards. So what? The real alpha move is realizing you're indifferent to whether or not she pursues you because you've got other options, and it isn't a big deal.
To me Alpha is being direct and up-front about what you want. It's about being confident enough to take a chance and get shot down without it being a big deal. It's about respecing your time and not letting manipulative sluts waste it, free of charge.
Anyway, nice talk. From what I've seen from your little teasers above I've got every reason to belive you'll turn this ship around in a big way. Looking forward to that!
