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Yo
I've been meaning to make this post for the past 10 days but I haven't been able to without quitting and deleting everything halfway. Mainly due to the fact that I have attempted to be as vague as possible concerning recent events in my life and it's very difficult to have a genuine post where I try to convey why I feel certain ways about certain things when I can't provide context to anything.
So, fuck it. I'm going to talk about it in a limited sense just this one time or else there's no point in having this post at all.
First things first, everyone is okay. I mentioned in my last post that I had been spending a lot of time in hospital rooms. So real quick just wanted to say that my grandpa is doing much better currently and the thing with my mom was just a not super serious surgery that she's already recovered from but anytime a loved one goes under the knife it's stressful.
The big reason why I've been quiet about things is because of my wife.
I haven't explicitly mentioned it in a while though I have alluded to it... I am now a father.
Everyone is happy, healthy, and at home now and I'm so grateful for it but this past month was not a fun time.
We had complications that I won't go into. It was a very scary time and I'm still in shock from it to be honest. Everything went from perfectly fine to a disaster back to perfectly fine.
I love my little one so much and I can't explain what it feels like to be a dad.
I knew having a child would be difficult and life changing and honestly I'm doing pretty well so far. I've never had a stable sleep schedule so nothing is new there and we have plenty of help for when we need it.
What's really kicked my ass is how emotionally drained I am. This past month has had so many lows and highs and I'm just shell shocked from it all.
Okay, that wraps up the personal life update. Now onto how this impacts things related to WVM.
There will not be a beta this month. I've thought about it a lot and even though the update itself is ready... I'm not. Simply put I'm not in a position mentally to push anything out. Things are still settling in my personal life and I couldn't handle any issues with a release right now.
Not setting any dates yet but there will be 2 betas in December. I've battled some mental health issues this past year and I'm doing my best to protect myself from future ones.
I am genuinely sorry but I hope you understand.
The "What are the girls getting up to during the MC's first away game" monthly set will be out either tomorrow or the following day as well as the remaining B-day renders for this month.
Things should return to normal this following week and Mind drops will continue starting this upcoming Friday.
As far as pledges go I am currently undecided if I will pause or not.
To be as transparent as possible, before becoming a dad it wouldn't even be a question. I'd pause 100%. I haven't been able to work nearly as much as I'd like to this month and I won't have a release out. Even if I have a perfectly good reason as to why.
But now I have someone to take care of... someone's future depends on me. The reality is that this patreon and SS stuff won't last forever especially if I keep being so inconsistent.
I've never tried to screw you guys over and I have tried my best to do the right thing. Which is exactly why I'm mentioning this stuff. You guys deserve to know my thought process on such a thing. Even if it makes me look bad.
In the event that I don't pause. I'd treat it how I did the release of Day 9 final and give this first upcoming beta to any prior supporters for free through discord so you are not required to support another month for something you've already "paid" for.
Which while the topic is brought up. I am very heavily rethinking how I handle releases with tiers. I'm not very happy with incentivizing releases with level of tier since it creates this strange relationship where working on the game isn't enough and adds this arbitrary layer of stress around dates and releases that isn't good for me or the game.
Might just fuck around and start releasing the game for free and have the patreon and SS focus on bonuses and updates. Things like the monthly sets and bday renders and client polls. I hate this guilty feeling around the money caused by things mostly out of my control.
Which I don't want to come off jaded and bitter. I am so fucking thankful for each and every person that has supported me in any way. I just crave a healthier relationship with the money side of things since that's always been an issue for me.
I don't know if it's the way I was raised or the conditions I was raised in but I've never had a healthy relationship with money and the constant guilt I feel from it.
Fuck, I'm typing a lot and it's not formatted well at all and I know if I go back to try and fix things I'm going to get tilted and delete everything again so I'mma leave my word vomit for your guy's brains to process.
Gonna stop here. I'm not good at being serious, I don't like being serious. But I needed to be just to explain some of the things on my mind and why things are the way they are right now.
I hope I didn't come off as angry or anything. I'm actually very stoked and happy I'm just a bit frustrated with how hard this stuff is to write. I'm not good at talking about my personal life anymore.
Hope this post at least makes sense and hopefully no one gets too ang'y.
I still may pause pledges so who knows. Just prepare your pledges accordingly and unpledge if you aren't vibing with it.
I should have dates for some things this Friday for the mind drop. And thanks to anyone who is still reading this post lol
apologies for the book
Thank you all so much for everything and for all the well wishes.
Love you guys <3
