- Thread starter moogoo
- Start date
- May 7, 2017
- 364
- 1,397
If you want to make money from it, never in your life make games with NTR, games with a harem is the only right way, and do not make li's with a terrible past. If we play for the female MC look at how the Good Girl Gone Bad handled slow corruption, it needs to be slow, don't make girls whores right away. If the MC is a man, don't make him an asshole and shorty. Rape is horrible, but if the female MC will like it, then it can be another step on her corruption path. If you want to make dark games, then do what you like BUT give the player a choice as often as possible, and don't make the story completely stupid and ridiculous, and a counter with good and bad points for MC actions would be a good idea too, like in Good Girl Gone Bad. And everything will work out.
- Nov 3, 2021
- 115
- 112
I hope you are encouraged enough to continue with this KN. There is a lot of promise here. I watch F, F & S, so I'll watch this KN to see if anything comes from it.
- Apr 29, 2018
- 9,739
- 2,155
- Feb 20, 2021
- 2,147
- 3,490
Didn't play this, as unavoidable rape is not my thing, but model looks nice.
Rape, or NTR, and kinetic tag don't mix very well. They should always be avoidable. NTR and Harem also don't mix well, so they should probably not be in the same game.
This is not for this game, just advice for future projects.
I enjoy Corruption games with female MC that have a pure lesbo route.
As those are more enjoyable than the usual, got to work, out on a date, or take the bus, get molested or blackmailed by random pervert kind of stuff.
Best of luck Dev.
Rape, or NTR, and kinetic tag don't mix very well. They should always be avoidable. NTR and Harem also don't mix well, so they should probably not be in the same game.
This is not for this game, just advice for future projects.
I enjoy Corruption games with female MC that have a pure lesbo route.
As those are more enjoyable than the usual, got to work, out on a date, or take the bus, get molested or blackmailed by random pervert kind of stuff.
Best of luck Dev.
- Sep 1, 2019
- 649
- 1,571
Why should they always be avoidable? Isn't it depends on the game? If the game is completely devoted to those things and they are the main kinks, it is totally fine to make a kinetic novel. New players, of course, should be warned about it, but that's about it.
I really like the model. She does look unusual and hasn't been used in other games, or at least in those I have seen.
The story is not fresh or unique, like some people have already pointed out, but, to be honest, it is kind of difficult to name even one excellent completed game with this kind of story. There are a few that could have been or might have been but eventually failed to deliver.
- Nov 15, 2019
- 27
- 113
Thanks guys for excellent feed back I am glad people did judge with consideration of it being a test game.
Thanks to the mods for posting and sorting the page out.
1. Grammar.
Very much noted and something I will work on. Trying to get readers into the mind of the character (and writer) without just describing the emotion is I guess the art of writing and a skill I am working on.
2. Facial emotion of MC not fitting the writing.
Yes I agree was something I noticed while creating it. This is a penalty for ramming a story in to a series of pictures rather than the other way around, but noted and a major consideration for my next project.
3. Quality of renders.
I guess this was the major reason of the test game. I knew I had a good character I had created but trying to use her while keeping the renders at a reasonable data size was so tricky. Things like simple backgrounds might be less immersive but can cut 75% of the render time and render size so finding the right balance is the hard part, maybe I went too far this time. Oh and low 720p was a bad speed choice I will go higher next time.
4. Male protagonist.
I know this is the most popular game type but it just doesn't interest me.
5. Sex scenes too simple.
Yes very much noted using one main picture with just facial changes was too little next game it will be more detailed. Finding the balance of using a new 1 to 2 mb picture or just changing the face for 200kb feels like an easy choice but there is definitely a down side.
6. Story telling.
This is what I find hard, I have an idea for a moment or scene but fitting that into a full story is the skill.
7. Choices and routes.
Obviously this is the dream but also multiples the work massively and something I will need to consider.
8. NTR and darker themes.
I get people do not like it and for good reason, maybe it is a cop-out to reach a emotional point without putting in the leg work with other less abrasive means. I will consider other options in the future although I like it.
Thanks to the mods for posting and sorting the page out.
1. Grammar.
Very much noted and something I will work on. Trying to get readers into the mind of the character (and writer) without just describing the emotion is I guess the art of writing and a skill I am working on.
2. Facial emotion of MC not fitting the writing.
Yes I agree was something I noticed while creating it. This is a penalty for ramming a story in to a series of pictures rather than the other way around, but noted and a major consideration for my next project.
3. Quality of renders.
I guess this was the major reason of the test game. I knew I had a good character I had created but trying to use her while keeping the renders at a reasonable data size was so tricky. Things like simple backgrounds might be less immersive but can cut 75% of the render time and render size so finding the right balance is the hard part, maybe I went too far this time. Oh and low 720p was a bad speed choice I will go higher next time.
4. Male protagonist.
I know this is the most popular game type but it just doesn't interest me.
5. Sex scenes too simple.
Yes very much noted using one main picture with just facial changes was too little next game it will be more detailed. Finding the balance of using a new 1 to 2 mb picture or just changing the face for 200kb feels like an easy choice but there is definitely a down side.
6. Story telling.
This is what I find hard, I have an idea for a moment or scene but fitting that into a full story is the skill.
7. Choices and routes.
Obviously this is the dream but also multiples the work massively and something I will need to consider.
8. NTR and darker themes.
I get people do not like it and for good reason, maybe it is a cop-out to reach a emotional point without putting in the leg work with other less abrasive means. I will consider other options in the future although I like it.
I like the direction you are going. Just a little improvement here and there and you're on your way.
Okay, I'll throw in my two cents worth here.
I have mixed feelings on this story. I'll start with the good.
I like the character designs. The main character, Amy, while a bit on the skinny side is a normal body type for a 19 year old girl. With the exception of the Thug, the other characters are also within believable norms, though I have some minor criticisms there that I will include in the dislikes section of my critique. Getting back to the thug being a huge, ogre of a man, while unusual for the population at large, this is perfectly normal and acceptable for a thug. For the most part, the writing is clear and easy to understand, though there are some problems that I'll bring up in the next section.
Here are some minor dislikes I have with the story. Amy's father looks about ten years too young to have a 19 year old daughter. Also, Amy's father looks a lot more like her boyfriend Tom than Amy. On the other side of the appearance equation, Tom's father, Mr. Roberts looks a lot more like Amy than Tom. You should give serious thought to swapping the two father character designs. Another dislike, though relatively minor in this case is that there are a number of spelling, grammar and punctuation errors. The most common and, at least to me, most irritating is the use of "your" in place of "you're. Your = Something belongs to you. You're = A contraction of the words "you are". In case of doubt on which word to use, say the sentence out loud, but replace "your" or "you're" with "you are". If the sentence sounds right, "You are in a deep ditch.", use you're. If the sentence sounds wrong, "You are car is blue.", use your.
Now we get to my biggest issue with this story. Perhaps the single most important element of any story is the ability of the audience to suspend disbelief. In the scene with the Thug, Amy begins to enjoy the abuse and humiliation far too quickly. A huge, physically intimidating stranger forces his way into her apartment and forces her to pleasure him, effectively rape by way of blackmail. The dominant emotion here should be fear, with humiliation being a close second. Any pleasure that she experiences at this stage should enhance the humiliation as her body betrays her. That Amy began to enjoy the situation almost instantly pulled me right out of the story. It was impossible for me, the reader, to believe that a young, relatively sexually inexperienced woman whose apartment had been invaded by a large, intimidating thug, who was now blackmailing her into giving him a blowjob, would both accept and enjoy the experience. Now if this had happened six chapters in when Amy had become more conditioned to the sexual abuse, I'd have been more willing to accept her reaction.
A better approach to the above situation would be to have Amy's initial reaction of terror and humiliation extend through the encounter and her phone call with her father. After the fact, she could find herself becoming aroused as she recalls or dreams about her encounter with the Thug. When she has the sexual encounter with her boyfriend, Tom that night, this could be played as desperate attempt to reclaim some element of normalcy in her sex life, essentially trying to use her boyfriend as a security blanket without letting him know what happened. When she has the encounter with Tom's father, Mr. Roberts down in the kitchen later that night, with the trauma of the sexual assault back in her apartment and having taken comfort from her boyfriend in a place where she felt safe, Amy should be horrified at the behavior of a man she has at least a degree of trust for. She should refuse his advances and begin to storm off. This is when you, the author throw in the twist to add at least a degree of believability to the situation. The criminal organization that Amy's father borrowed money from has done their homework and knows everything there is to know about Amy, her father and everyone they associate with on a regular basis. Earlier that day, Mr. Roberts received a video link from an anonymous source. That link was the video of Amy's earlier humiliation. He then stops Amy from storming out of the kitchen and uses the video to blackmail her into letting him have his way with her. This would then add to her humiliation. If Mr. Roberts happens to be a skilled in the art of pleasuring a woman, he could draw out her humiliation, forcing Amy's body to once again betray her as she orgasms multiple times over the next several hours. Given that he cums inside of her at the end of the encounter, this potentially adds another layer of fear and humiliation as Amy wonders whether or not Mr. Roberts has gotten her pregnant. This in turn opens up a number of different options for further humiliation down the road. Even if she is not pregnant, the fear alone followed by relief when she learns that she's not can be an element of corrupting her. On the other hand, if she does become pregnant, is she forced to carry the child? Is she forced to abort the child just when she's beginning to accept impending motherhood? Make the corruption aspect of the story a slow burn. There's really not much story left to tell if she accepts and enjoys her situation right off the bat.
Now I'm going to get a bit more speculative with my critique.
If this were a game rather than a kinetic novel, I would be severely disappointed at being effectively railroaded onto a particular path. As a player, one of my pet peeves is having my character's motivations and attitudes dictated to me. Even if it has no impact on the overall story, please give me the option of playing a character who is defiant to the end, but trapped by circumstances, or a character who is resigned to her fate but never moves beyond acceptance into enjoyment. The core of my problem with most corruption games is that acceptance and enjoyment are ultimately the only path I'm allowed to take. This kills my ability to suspend disbelief, because I cannot bring myself to believe that an average woman is going to come to love the life of a sex slave, accept, yes, love, no. So please, if you do decide to make an actual game of this, give the players some actual options for how they play the character.
Continuing on the speculative track, another pet peeve I have with a great many games is Bad Ends. More often than not, I find that the Bad Ends have the potential to be the most interesting part of the story. There is the potential for conflict and drama in the Bad Ends, but this is usually the point at which the game's writer drops the story. But I, the player want the character, now at the lowest point of her life, to be able to find a way out and back to her regular life, even if that regular life is totally screwed up. So I would ask that if you do put Bad Ends in your eventual game, that those Bad Ends be soft Bad Ends with a way out.
At any rate, I see potential in what you've presented here and I hope you can turn that potential into a reality.
I have mixed feelings on this story. I'll start with the good.
I like the character designs. The main character, Amy, while a bit on the skinny side is a normal body type for a 19 year old girl. With the exception of the Thug, the other characters are also within believable norms, though I have some minor criticisms there that I will include in the dislikes section of my critique. Getting back to the thug being a huge, ogre of a man, while unusual for the population at large, this is perfectly normal and acceptable for a thug. For the most part, the writing is clear and easy to understand, though there are some problems that I'll bring up in the next section.
Here are some minor dislikes I have with the story. Amy's father looks about ten years too young to have a 19 year old daughter. Also, Amy's father looks a lot more like her boyfriend Tom than Amy. On the other side of the appearance equation, Tom's father, Mr. Roberts looks a lot more like Amy than Tom. You should give serious thought to swapping the two father character designs. Another dislike, though relatively minor in this case is that there are a number of spelling, grammar and punctuation errors. The most common and, at least to me, most irritating is the use of "your" in place of "you're. Your = Something belongs to you. You're = A contraction of the words "you are". In case of doubt on which word to use, say the sentence out loud, but replace "your" or "you're" with "you are". If the sentence sounds right, "You are in a deep ditch.", use you're. If the sentence sounds wrong, "You are car is blue.", use your.
Now we get to my biggest issue with this story. Perhaps the single most important element of any story is the ability of the audience to suspend disbelief. In the scene with the Thug, Amy begins to enjoy the abuse and humiliation far too quickly. A huge, physically intimidating stranger forces his way into her apartment and forces her to pleasure him, effectively rape by way of blackmail. The dominant emotion here should be fear, with humiliation being a close second. Any pleasure that she experiences at this stage should enhance the humiliation as her body betrays her. That Amy began to enjoy the situation almost instantly pulled me right out of the story. It was impossible for me, the reader, to believe that a young, relatively sexually inexperienced woman whose apartment had been invaded by a large, intimidating thug, who was now blackmailing her into giving him a blowjob, would both accept and enjoy the experience. Now if this had happened six chapters in when Amy had become more conditioned to the sexual abuse, I'd have been more willing to accept her reaction.
A better approach to the above situation would be to have Amy's initial reaction of terror and humiliation extend through the encounter and her phone call with her father. After the fact, she could find herself becoming aroused as she recalls or dreams about her encounter with the Thug. When she has the sexual encounter with her boyfriend, Tom that night, this could be played as desperate attempt to reclaim some element of normalcy in her sex life, essentially trying to use her boyfriend as a security blanket without letting him know what happened. When she has the encounter with Tom's father, Mr. Roberts down in the kitchen later that night, with the trauma of the sexual assault back in her apartment and having taken comfort from her boyfriend in a place where she felt safe, Amy should be horrified at the behavior of a man she has at least a degree of trust for. She should refuse his advances and begin to storm off. This is when you, the author throw in the twist to add at least a degree of believability to the situation. The criminal organization that Amy's father borrowed money from has done their homework and knows everything there is to know about Amy, her father and everyone they associate with on a regular basis. Earlier that day, Mr. Roberts received a video link from an anonymous source. That link was the video of Amy's earlier humiliation. He then stops Amy from storming out of the kitchen and uses the video to blackmail her into letting him have his way with her. This would then add to her humiliation. If Mr. Roberts happens to be a skilled in the art of pleasuring a woman, he could draw out her humiliation, forcing Amy's body to once again betray her as she orgasms multiple times over the next several hours. Given that he cums inside of her at the end of the encounter, this potentially adds another layer of fear and humiliation as Amy wonders whether or not Mr. Roberts has gotten her pregnant. This in turn opens up a number of different options for further humiliation down the road. Even if she is not pregnant, the fear alone followed by relief when she learns that she's not can be an element of corrupting her. On the other hand, if she does become pregnant, is she forced to carry the child? Is she forced to abort the child just when she's beginning to accept impending motherhood? Make the corruption aspect of the story a slow burn. There's really not much story left to tell if she accepts and enjoys her situation right off the bat.
Now I'm going to get a bit more speculative with my critique.
If this were a game rather than a kinetic novel, I would be severely disappointed at being effectively railroaded onto a particular path. As a player, one of my pet peeves is having my character's motivations and attitudes dictated to me. Even if it has no impact on the overall story, please give me the option of playing a character who is defiant to the end, but trapped by circumstances, or a character who is resigned to her fate but never moves beyond acceptance into enjoyment. The core of my problem with most corruption games is that acceptance and enjoyment are ultimately the only path I'm allowed to take. This kills my ability to suspend disbelief, because I cannot bring myself to believe that an average woman is going to come to love the life of a sex slave, accept, yes, love, no. So please, if you do decide to make an actual game of this, give the players some actual options for how they play the character.
Continuing on the speculative track, another pet peeve I have with a great many games is Bad Ends. More often than not, I find that the Bad Ends have the potential to be the most interesting part of the story. There is the potential for conflict and drama in the Bad Ends, but this is usually the point at which the game's writer drops the story. But I, the player want the character, now at the lowest point of her life, to be able to find a way out and back to her regular life, even if that regular life is totally screwed up. So I would ask that if you do put Bad Ends in your eventual game, that those Bad Ends be soft Bad Ends with a way out.
At any rate, I see potential in what you've presented here and I hope you can turn that potential into a reality.
- Nov 15, 2019
- 27
- 113
drenai1
Thank you so much for you time and effort you put into you're post (jk your) it was really helpful and gave really good pointers and alot to think about and digest. The story elements and how they fit together and how they could have been was particularly helpful.
The your, you're thing wow how did I not catch that on multiple occasions as well.
You write-
" If this were a game rather than a kinetic novel, I would be severely disappointed at being effectively railroaded onto a particular path. As a player, one of my pet peeves is having my character's motivations and attitudes dictated to me. Even if it has no impact on the overall story, please give me the option of playing a character who is defiant to the end, but trapped by circumstances, or a character who is resigned to her fate but never moves beyond acceptance into enjoyment. The core of my problem with most corruption games is that acceptance and enjoyment are ultimately the only path I'm allowed to take. This kills my ability to suspend disbelief, because I cannot bring myself to believe that an average woman is going to come to love the life of a sex slave, accept, yes, love, no. So please, if you do decide to make an actual game of this, give the players some actual options for how they play the character."
Yes you articulate this so well especially the defiant but trapped scenario and the balance of being defiant while experiencing physical pleasure.
thank you again.
Thank you so much for you time and effort you put into you're post (jk your) it was really helpful and gave really good pointers and alot to think about and digest. The story elements and how they fit together and how they could have been was particularly helpful.
The your, you're thing wow how did I not catch that on multiple occasions as well.
You write-
" If this were a game rather than a kinetic novel, I would be severely disappointed at being effectively railroaded onto a particular path. As a player, one of my pet peeves is having my character's motivations and attitudes dictated to me. Even if it has no impact on the overall story, please give me the option of playing a character who is defiant to the end, but trapped by circumstances, or a character who is resigned to her fate but never moves beyond acceptance into enjoyment. The core of my problem with most corruption games is that acceptance and enjoyment are ultimately the only path I'm allowed to take. This kills my ability to suspend disbelief, because I cannot bring myself to believe that an average woman is going to come to love the life of a sex slave, accept, yes, love, no. So please, if you do decide to make an actual game of this, give the players some actual options for how they play the character."
Yes you articulate this so well especially the defiant but trapped scenario and the balance of being defiant while experiencing physical pleasure.
thank you again.
- Feb 16, 2019
- 2,286
- 939
Everything is super! I liked everything, and the girl, and NTR, and the plot.
Ignore criticism. This is not justified. It's just that people put their wishlist into all interesting projects, not paying attention to the fact that projects are interesting simply because they differ from most of the same type.
Make the game the way you like it. We love the way you do it.)
Ignore criticism. This is not justified. It's just that people put their wishlist into all interesting projects, not paying attention to the fact that projects are interesting simply because they differ from most of the same type.
Make the game the way you like it. We love the way you do it.)
- Mar 8, 2018
- 305
- 169
- Sep 6, 2019
- 1,362
- 859
Okay, kinda Sad to say, but I liked it! Kinda sad that it ended/stopped so soon.
I Cannot wait for 'the REAL Game'. I liked the premise.
* I agree with Most everyone else; The Dialog/english needs work.
* I liked the character renders okay.
* I would NOT Say it is a 'slow corruption' game.
Amy was sexually assaulted, but found out that She enjoyed it; even so much as getting excited while talking with her dad on phone afterwards. (She Might be a 'closet' Exhibitionist).
* Then, She was sexually molested by her boyfriend's father. IF She REALLY wanted to get away, she could have,...
* It is a shame that Game didn't go further, Maybe a Couple More Updates would be Nice.
I want to know/see what the 'meeting' is about. What They want her to do. How they expect her to earn the $$ to pay off Father's debt.
I could see a lil bit different storyline here.
- Father and daughter meeting in Cafe was a lil vague about boyfriend and his Dad.
* Could be worked in that Amy is a bit innocent, naive, and prudish. Boyfriend, an over-indulged Ass, is upset and wants MORE sexually from Amy. It is convenient That Amy's Father owes His Dad Money.
So, boyfriend schemes plan; informs his Dad about Amy and who her father is.
In an attempt to make Amy MORE 'Slutty'; she is tasked with sexual assignments to remove her inhibitions.
OR,
that (stereotypically) boyfriend is kind of a Beta wannabe. with smaller than average dick. unable to pleasure Amy.
Alternative: When Amy goes to Boyfriend's Home; Boyfriend's Dad Is dressed in a Nice suit; sitting at his desk, rather than lounging on couch looking like an unemployed bum.
And when Amy & boyfriend have sex, the Dad DOES slightly open the door and watches them/her.
AT that first Intro meeting with Boyfriend's Dad, *Amy's father, and his men.
Amy Is forced to strip naked, kneel in front BF's dad; ordered to giving him a blowjob in front her father, and his men.
While being filmed.
After BF's dad Cums on Amy's face; *( It is her Father's turn next).
His men step up; naked waist down; and gathered around her.
Reluctantly, and a bit excited, she reaches out with both hands and well, You get the idea....
Afterwards, Amy is pressed into doing "Escort" work, and working at BF's Dad's 'Adult' Club.
- BF's dad decides to keep Amy for himself; either cuckolding his son, or makes DEAL with Amy.
- If she agrees to dump/break-up with his son; HE will pay for a Boob-job. (Which she would have been forced to get anyway)
Side note: IF Want to be EVEN MORE Deviant, could say that Amy's father was in on it!
- HE (Amy's father) gave up his Own daughter to 'pay off debt'. OR Maybe there NEVER was a debt;
just a ruse to TAKE Amy and introduce her to her Dad's business.
THERE IS So Much You Can Do with This!!
I Cannot wait for 'the REAL Game'. I liked the premise.
* I agree with Most everyone else; The Dialog/english needs work.
* I liked the character renders okay.
* I would NOT Say it is a 'slow corruption' game.
Amy was sexually assaulted, but found out that She enjoyed it; even so much as getting excited while talking with her dad on phone afterwards. (She Might be a 'closet' Exhibitionist).
* Then, She was sexually molested by her boyfriend's father. IF She REALLY wanted to get away, she could have,...
* It is a shame that Game didn't go further, Maybe a Couple More Updates would be Nice.
I want to know/see what the 'meeting' is about. What They want her to do. How they expect her to earn the $$ to pay off Father's debt.
I could see a lil bit different storyline here.
- Father and daughter meeting in Cafe was a lil vague about boyfriend and his Dad.
* Could be worked in that Amy is a bit innocent, naive, and prudish. Boyfriend, an over-indulged Ass, is upset and wants MORE sexually from Amy. It is convenient That Amy's Father owes His Dad Money.
So, boyfriend schemes plan; informs his Dad about Amy and who her father is.
In an attempt to make Amy MORE 'Slutty'; she is tasked with sexual assignments to remove her inhibitions.
OR,
that (stereotypically) boyfriend is kind of a Beta wannabe. with smaller than average dick. unable to pleasure Amy.
Alternative: When Amy goes to Boyfriend's Home; Boyfriend's Dad Is dressed in a Nice suit; sitting at his desk, rather than lounging on couch looking like an unemployed bum.
And when Amy & boyfriend have sex, the Dad DOES slightly open the door and watches them/her.
AT that first Intro meeting with Boyfriend's Dad, *Amy's father, and his men.
Amy Is forced to strip naked, kneel in front BF's dad; ordered to giving him a blowjob in front her father, and his men.
While being filmed.
After BF's dad Cums on Amy's face; *( It is her Father's turn next).
His men step up; naked waist down; and gathered around her.
Reluctantly, and a bit excited, she reaches out with both hands and well, You get the idea....
Afterwards, Amy is pressed into doing "Escort" work, and working at BF's Dad's 'Adult' Club.
- BF's dad decides to keep Amy for himself; either cuckolding his son, or makes DEAL with Amy.
- If she agrees to dump/break-up with his son; HE will pay for a Boob-job. (Which she would have been forced to get anyway)
Side note: IF Want to be EVEN MORE Deviant, could say that Amy's father was in on it!
- HE (Amy's father) gave up his Own daughter to 'pay off debt'. OR Maybe there NEVER was a debt;
just a ruse to TAKE Amy and introduce her to her Dad's business.
THERE IS So Much You Can Do with This!!
ROFLOL!
So I am guessing that you don't like NTR huh?
Wow man, its okay to not like things, but this is next level stuff.
Harem is the only way to go because the entire world agrees with what you and only you like right??? LOL!
smdh