Played it for the first time and have chosen the "reworked" intro. I have to say, it was okish. Overall I have to agree with other people, the story seems way over the top, but not uninteresting. Will at least keep an eye on it. But the Engrish is really bad, for example it's "weird" and not "wired" or "tried" and not "tired". I read the last example just one time, but it stuck, because it's a nearly similar mistake to the first one, which appeared quite a few times. The meaning of all 4 words are WAY different. My suggestion: search for a proof reader, if you can, choose a native speaker or at least someone with a high education (B1 or higher) to get a higher standart. This could also make some sentences way smoother to read and make more sense without loosing the meaning. Ask here on the forum for help, sometimes there are people, who are willing to help in these cases. Or look for someone professionel, but that won't probably be free, maybe even too expensive.
Anyway, good luck with the project.