DelveArt3d thanks for the response.
Hi Naxos
Thank you for your comments and I will look at changing the ...(...)... being used for the internal thinking. You have a lot of things listed above so I will try to offer so insight without giving away future content.
This is a VN that is about mystery and murder. That is the primary reason I wrote the story, but I wanted it to have adult content. Well early into mystery stories you are presented with a lot of things that leave the reader/viewer wanting answers or simply confused. Try only watching the first 20 minutes of Memento (2000), Inside Man (2006), or Murder on the Orient Express (2017) and really understand the relationships of all the people you have seen interact. I love movies by the way. I do not claim what I have started is on par with anything in movies, TV, or books. This is my first attempt and anything like this. But lets be honest, I have only released the first 9 days of the story.
If that's intentend then great. Often it's not something that's planned or intended by devs, but rather a result of dear i say poor or lazy writing.
Devon - I am a little lost on what you are asking in "There is no hint of recollection from the MC about Devon and him knowing anything about her, or her assisting the father till his random note he passed her."
- Devon introduces herself to the MC at the lawyers office.
- Devon and the lawyer know what Breckers school is and are connected enough to get information about the MC. So they have inside info no one else has at this point.
- In the letter from the MC’s father he gives files and a list of 5 People he trusts with his life who also work for Frontier Global.
- On day 4, MC meets Devon and gives her a note. In the note it states his father trusted Devon with his like (she was one of the 5 who worked at Frontier Global).
What I meant is there was no thought or inner dialogue, where the MC see's Devon at the lawyers and goes "Oh i recognize her from Breckers, I'll just play it cool like I don't know her". Also the fathers note mentions 5 people from Frontier Global that he trusts, cool. There is no mention that the lawyers or Devon was part of it.
With Devon, again it could be down to how you planing it with "things that leave the reader/viewer wanting answers or simply confused". Now I know that it changes a lot of the things. Like my comment about Rachel. Before knowing that the story was coming across
to me as things being added in after each update, like you hadn't decided on it before. I get it now, that it's intentional. I guess it's a risk of the mistery and guess work, that has the potential to make it seem hapazard and unthought out.
“How is this guy an elite in certain things especially seduction when he runs away from Sara and Liz,”
- "Consistency", the sauna, jacuzzi, and massage room were all different situations with different people. I believe there needs to be some “cat and mouse” back and forth in relationships or it would just be boring seeing the MC walk up and smile then panties drop. Although I am not saying that is not going to happen in some future release, LOL. What Sara tells the MC at the jacuzzi is kind of telling us what the MC is doing when she says “I was in the hunt and the hunt is foreplay. I so love foreplay.”
It doesn't really come across that way as cat and mouse, honestly it's more like he's bi-polar or you can't make up your mind if he's good at seduction or terrible. Sorry, that sounds horrible, but it's just the way it comes across. Maybe if there was some internal dialogue as to what he was doing it would be clearer.
Alex – “Almost all of his subsequent actions with her have been stuff he would have done for her without the need for blackmail.”
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My only issue with Alex, was at how easily he rolled over to her black mail. Personally that scene at the start in the show ruined all potential of me seeing him as any elite anything that's revealed later. Even him saying he's going to play along and turn the tables on her, didn't come off as sincere and more like a desperate hope. It does start getting better and undoing that damage of those first impressions for me later in the game thought.
Despite what might seem like negative comments I do think it's a pretty good game and I'm really enjoying it and looking forward to it.
Finally thanks again for responding and explaining, I hope I remember it all come the next update
*Edit*
DelveArt3d Just thinking you might want to mention that there are "holes" or mystery etc in the game by design in the intro. That there are things that are seemingly unmentioned that will be explained later as the story progresses. The advantage movies have over your game is they come out complete. With the nature of these games coming out in small increments it's easy to assume the mysteries etc you want are oversights.
Also fixed quotes.
