VN Ren'Py Abandoned 53x – Homecoming [v0.2.8.1] [Agent 53X]

[Hordragg]

Um, yep, riiiight.

He's using is elite intelligence and tactical planing to play a long game at being a little bitch to his godess.

And his elite seduction tactic is to get all embarrassed run away as soon has he gets excited.


Ok, I'm seriously going to give this the benifite of the doubt and trust he's going to turn it around and turn her into a true little sub.

Hopefully this is seriously going to get a harem tag soon too.

Spoiler

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[The ArcKnight]

So loving the game so far but a bit of a suggestion:
When a character is thinking, perhaps you might want to have their text in the text box Italicized?
The ".....(...I wonder if this will get annoying...)....." for thoughts does get a little annoying.
Something like: "I wonder if this will get annoying." Looks way better for a character's internal monologue.

 

[Catwashere]

Typo

 

[Naxos]

So loving the game so far but a bit of a suggestion:
When a character is thinking, perhaps you might want to have their text in the text box Italicized?
The ".....(...I wonder if this will get annoying...)....." for thoughts does get a little annoying.
Something like: "I wonder if this will get annoying." Looks way better for a character's internal monologue.

Agreed.

DelveArt3d
There also needs to be some explanation to few things:
Devon - There is no hint of recollection from the MC about Devon and him knowing anything about her, or her assiting the father till his random note he passed her. I am glad she has a bigger role than just a random secretary at a law firm and that his interactions with the law firm have been with her rather than that old hag lawyer.
Rachel - How does she know she's not the MC's blood sister. He was blind sided by that, there needs to be some explanation how she knows, especially as she's so free with that info with Jessica.
How is this guy an elite in certain things especially seduction when he runs away from Sara and Liz, like a 15 year old virgin embarrassed by his boner, but then will gladly let Sara blow him, or Mandy blow him in the sauna in front of his sister. Needs some serious consistency. one second a shy virgin, next a seasoned player.

I was really critical of this game after that early scene with Alex, I still think it's terrible and his rolling over was pathetic, does not match any of the later info you learn about him. The saving grace has been that there has been very little use of it by her and her bitchiness has actually been really mild. Almost all of his subsequent actions with her have been stuff he would have done for her without the need for blackmail. He seems to be a pretty nice guy and willing to help and do whatever is needed for his family.

Overall if you completely ignore the Alex's blackmail shit, it's not a bad game. Lots of potential. I'm rather enjoying him build up his empire, but some action with the ladies would be nice. Really hoping this gets a nice harem tag and remains NTR free.

 

[harloch74]

thank you

 

[Kind Nightmares]

Okay, forget this blackmail nonsense. Let's assume that MC is a some sort of human AI with few steps ahead of us and he really has some plan beyond the control of a mere mortal. Though I think I need a new chair because mine is still on fire after this plot twist

BUT I'll never understand this bullshit with a permanent boner after hug. Is this some kind of bug in the universal soldier system? Oh, wait... I'm just mere mortal.

 

[amiable34]

"On the trip home there was a car crash and your father died. You have been in a coma for a year. You wake to find you are now in a strange town and a strange home living with three beautiful women that you really don’t know."

Plot twist: You don't remember who the girls are because you lost your memory; they are in fact your mother and sisters.

no he is not related to any of them.stepmum, stepmums daughter,adopted sister.

 

[PederSilver5]

I enjoyed reading this novel so far. Using version 7.2.2.491 recent update. It remains incomplete but, is actually a novel to me. Having coding experience notable to Mr Peabody and Sherman, inteligence.... Grad work... I find a lot of spelling/grammar errors. Yet, this makes me piensaque it maybe intentional as this is, Agent 53x! I am going to look at the coding and offer a corrected version to the author, maybe some inside feedback will result. Worth the play time. Yet I am concerned for the author as it does offer scenes to the common interest, I believe it is over the head of most of the potential readers. Maybe its a real intrigue code for field agents to pass messages eh? Good work!

 

[PederSilver5]

I agree if no blood relationship then there should not be incest tag but the rules state that even none blood family members is incest.

Incest [Sex act between family relatives, including those not related by blood.]
https://f95zone.to/threads/tags-rules-and-list-updated-2019-03-24.10394/

Observation: Mom, she is his step mom. Sister Rachel, is his adopted sister (Father + 1st Wife). Other two sisters, are step sisters. Step mom, has a full sister working in the bakery. Likely to have scene threesome at some point. I suppose the writer was looking specifically full blood in family. Yet If I am not mistaken, the story line has his Father marrying the second wife when Agent53x is 10 years old, stays with family two years, then is sent off to boarding school for 8 years, graduates, and is in a car accident where his father dies and he is in a coma transferred between two hospitals... then returns to a household where he is known and may have lived with all current occupents for at least those two years. Problem there he is now nineteen. So its unclear about the exact sequence and timing. P.S. I almost forgot, the Neighbor who he cleans the pool for daughter and her mom. Never know where some of this may lead later in the novel. Don't you like plots and subplots, and stories where it is not what you expect sometimes?

 

[PederSilver5]

So am i choosing something wrong cause sara isnt giving me a scene cause ive been slacking my chores avoidable or not cause ive been doing all of em basicly xd

Yes, I was doing chores for everyone. It was unclear to me, after his sister Rachel has graduated her high school. Yet the dialogue says he is doing her dishes chores while she is still in school. Further, I became annoyed with Alex's attempted domination/blackmail and skipped one chore of laundry. Later to find out that a bathroom, servant scene and subsequent option to bedroom scene was not available, per Alexandra's comment that he had been skipping her chores. I suggest saves if you want to try different threads and their consequences without a full replay each time. Or be very sharp, and know with empathy and precognition where the thread is heading.

 

[PederSilver5]

Tried to give the game a shot, but I don't like not having the option to tell the sister to fuck off when she tries to blackmail you, so its a pass for me, if that changes though someone gives me a ping, please.

Everyone in life has their preferences, remember He is returning to a home he has not been at for >8years. He is a trained operative per the plot with his studies at the boarding school. An operative maybe proactive, or observe, then set up possible future threads. You give in too easily. I became annoyed with her, and skipped a chore of laundry. There are consequences, to actions or inactions. Swallow it for now, and see where things develop. If you prefer dominance, and do not have experience how roles are played, stay with it and see how you can manipulate with options when offered.

 

[TundraLupus]

Everyone in life has their preferences, remember He is returning to a home he has not been at for >8years. He is a trained operative per the plot with his studies at the boarding school. An operative maybe proactive, or observe, then set up possible future threads. You give in too easily. I became annoyed with her, and skipped a chore of laundry. There are consequences, to actions or inactions. Swallow it for now, and see where things develop. If you prefer dominance, and do not have experience how roles are played, stay with it and see how you can manipulate with options when offered.

Nah, in my case I just don't like not having an option to not accept being blackmailed, she had nothing on him, nothing that could really harm him, so it makes no sense, I understand that it might be for the plot, but to me, that would mean lazy writing, this is just one of those things that I don't like no matter what, if the MC was thinking like you suggested the game should have hinted at it at the moment, not afterward, this is one of the few situations where an inner monologue works, either way after seeing the reactions to the newer updates I have no interest in the game.

Edit: Thought I should make this a little clearer, there was no foundation for the blackmail, if the writer had created a situation that out of context would make the MC look bad, or where our choices would do so, and she blackmailed him with it then I would have no problem, but there is no blackmail if the "evidence" she has is not damaging to the MC, actually, it was damaging to her if anyone, that is what I meant by lazy writing, now, as I said because of the circumstances having the option to just not accept being blackmailed makes sense, since again she has no ammo on that gun, and if it was because of the plot and the writer didn't know any other way to progress it the bare minimum was to have the MC's thoughts show where this was heading, or where he intended it to go, and so far this makes the Mc look like a manipulative little shit, which I don't like playing anyway. I don't care about being dominant, I prefer equal relationships, so that has nothing to do with it.

 

[Deleted member #2743735]

Agreed.

DelveArt3d
There also needs to be some explanation to few things:
Devon - There is no hint of recollection from the MC about Devon and him knowing anything about her, or her assiting the father till his random note he passed her. I am glad she has a bigger role than just a random secretary at a law firm and that his interactions with the law firm have been with her rather than that old hag lawyer.
Rachel - How does she know she's not the MC's blood sister. He was blind sided by that, there needs to be some explanation how she knows, especially as she's so free with that info with Jessica.
How is this guy an elite in certain things especially seduction when he runs away from Sara and Liz, like a 15 year old virgin embarrassed by his boner, but then will gladly let Sara blow him, or Mandy blow him in the sauna in front of his sister. Needs some serious consistency. one second a shy virgin, next a seasoned player.

I was really critical of this game after that early scene with Alex, I still think it's terrible and his rolling over was pathetic, does not match any of the later info you learn about him. The saving grace has been that there has been very little use of it by her and her bitchiness has actually been really mild. Almost all of his subsequent actions with her have been stuff he would have done for her without the need for blackmail. He seems to be a pretty nice guy and willing to help and do whatever is needed for his family.

Overall if you completely ignore the Alex's blackmail shit, it's not a bad game. Lots of potential. I'm rather enjoying him build up his empire, but some action with the ladies would be nice. Really hoping this gets a nice harem tag and remains NTR free.

Hi Naxos
Thank you for your comments and I will look at changing the ...(...)... being used for the internal thinking. You have a lot of things listed above so I will try to offer so insight without giving away future content.

This is a VN that is about mystery and murder. That is the primary reason I wrote the story, but I wanted it to have adult content. Well early into mystery stories you are presented with a lot of things that leave the reader/viewer wanting answers or simply confused. Try only watching the first 20 minutes of Memento (2000), Inside Man (2006), or Murder on the Orient Express (2017) and really understand the relationships of all the people you have seen interact. I love movies by the way. I do not claim what I have started is on par with anything in movies, TV, or books. This is my first attempt and anything like this. But lets be honest, I have only released the first 9 days of the story.

Devon - I am a little lost on what you are asking in "There is no hint of recollection from the MC about Devon and him knowing anything about her, or her assisting the father till his random note he passed her."

• Devon introduces herself to the MC at the lawyers office.
• Devon and the lawyer know what Breckers school is and are connected enough to get information about the MC. So they have inside info no one else has at this point.
• In the letter from the MC’s father he gives files and a list of 5 People he trusts with his life who also work for Frontier Global.
• On day 4, MC meets Devon and gives her a note. In the note it states his father trusted Devon with his like (she was one of the 5 who worked at Frontier Global).

Rachel – “How does she know she's not the MC's blood sister.”

• This has not been revealed but she explains a lot of things to MC when he questions her about being so close to Jessica even though she moved next door just a few weeks before the MC came home from coma.

“How is this guy an elite in certain things especially seduction when he runs away from Sara and Liz,”

• Well he has had training and can read people and situations. He understands different people need different things. The MC “running away” may be a ploy to lure them in…
• "Consistency", the sauna, jacuzzi, and massage room were all different situations with different people. I believe there needs to be some “cat and mouse” back and forth in relationships or it would just be boring seeing the MC walk up and smile then panties drop. Although I am not saying that is not going to happen in some future release, LOL. What Sara tells the MC at the jacuzzi is kind of telling us what the MC is doing when she says “I was in the hunt and the hunt is foreplay. I so love foreplay.”

Alex – “Almost all of his subsequent actions with her have been stuff he would have done for her without the need for blackmail.”

• Alex is a bitch to the MC from an early age and it has not changed. She is spoiled and lazy. She probably has done this to many people and in return they hate her and let her know that. The question is how do you manipulate her and turn the tables. Well, do what she is not expecting.

I hope this gives you some idea of what is going through my mind when I wrote the story.

 

[Deleted member #2743735]

I enjoyed reading this novel so far. Using version 7.2.2.491 recent update. It remains incomplete but, is actually a novel to me. Having coding experience notable to Mr Peabody and Sherman, inteligence.... Grad work... I find a lot of spelling/grammar errors. Yet, this makes me piensaque it maybe intentional as this is, Agent 53x! I am going to look at the coding and offer a corrected version to the author, maybe some inside feedback will result. Worth the play time. Yet I am concerned for the author as it does offer scenes to the common interest, I believe it is over the head of most of the potential readers. Maybe its a real intrigue code for field agents to pass messages eh? Good work!

Thank you for your comment.

 

[MrTM]

Thanks @DelveArt3d
I like the story and the girls are realistic looking (and hot ). So many vn the girls are to cartoony looking for me.
Also thanks for the insight about how long it takes to do rendering, I didn't realize it took that long.

 

[Deleted member #2743735]

Observation: Mom, she is his step mom. Sister Rachel, is his adopted sister (Father + 1st Wife). Other two sisters, are step sisters. Step mom, has a full sister working in the bakery. Likely to have scene threesome at some point. I suppose the writer was looking specifically full blood in family. Yet If I am not mistaken, the story line has his Father marrying the second wife when Agent53x is 10 years old, stays with family two years, then is sent off to boarding school for 8 years, graduates, and is in a car accident where his father dies and he is in a coma transferred between two hospitals... then returns to a household where he is known and may have lived with all current occupents for at least those two years. Problem there he is now nineteen. So its unclear about the exact sequence and timing. P.S. I almost forgot, the Neighbor who he cleans the pool for daughter and her mom. Never know where some of this may lead later in the novel. Don't you like plots and subplots, and stories where it is not what you expect sometimes?

I am surprised by the incest question at this point. This is a visual novel and one that has an element of mystery. There have been only 9 days of the story release at this point and people are debating that there is no incest so it should not be tagged. In Game of Thrones TV show the main characters Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen have in incest moment that does not happen until season 7. In my story there are characters that have not been fully introduced in the first 9 days. I have only had 2 updates and 1 was to fix something that was broken LOL. At this point in this VN’s story I understand why people do not see all the possibilities. I do not understand why it must be such an issue for some people.

 

[Deleted member #2743735]

Thanks @DelveArt3d
I like the story and the girls are realistic looking (and hot ). So many vn the girls are to cartoony looking for me.
Also thanks for the insight about how long it takes to do rendering, I didn't realize it took that long.

Thank you for your comment.

Rendering is the most time consuming part of many projects like this. The more characters you have in the scene the longer it takes, at least that has been my case. Some sets or characters can take longer than others, some a lot less. I got off from work today and came home to work on the next release, started a render and 3 hrs 21 mins later (the longest so far for this VN) it finished. That is for 1 image. Some people might tell me to get a life (LOL) but I do like this experience and it is a fun hobby.

 

[Deleted member #2743735]

Hi All!

I am surprised by the incest question at this point. This is a visual novel and one that has an element of mystery. There have been only 9 days of the story release at this point and people are debating that there is no incest so it should not be tagged. In Game of Thrones TV show the main characters Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen have in incest moment that does not happen until season 7. In my story there are characters that have not been fully introduced in the firsts 9 days. I have only had 2 updates and 1 was to fix something that was broken. At this point in this VN’s story I understand why you do not see all the possibilities. I do not understand why it must be such an issue for some people.

Thank you all for the kind comments and the honest comments. I have not felt anyone was trying to be hateful, just honest about their feelings. Oh, I spent most of tonight fixing spelling errors that were brought up on this site!

 

[steelsmiter]

At this point in this VN’s story I understand why you do not see all the possibilities. I do not understand why it must be such an issue for some people.

Some people are following tags, and feel short changed when the system notifies them of a tag when the content isn't there. I don't usually bother with games that aren't at least 700 megs so I'm not even bothering to play until the game is likely to have the content I'm following anyway. Sometimes that's cutting it a little short on the timing. I think I told someone optimal time for me to download a game is about 5 hours of playtime without transitions or forced animations.

 

[PederSilver5]

I just started the game, found a little misspelling.

"with no close (clothes) on"

Will keep playing till end the version, and then come to said what it looks like!

I believe Agent 53x is the author and mod maker. Our 'friend' scrappy made a mod for it, apparantly to hold some gallery images. Yet our Agent could have a clark kent identity too right? Let me ask Agent 86 ha!